Monday, April 29, 2013

Of the Returning Heat~~~~

Well My Darklings,

Things are beginning to warm up again. Granted it is nice and beautiful but its going to put a strain on our water resources.  I am grateful for the timers and the cistern to collect the run off so save the water for the plants.

Where Coralline lives with her parents and siblings, they ran the sprinkler, waters the garden and the children play at getting wet, although my brother is considering the underground cistern idea or something like it. 

A neighbor of his is having his swimming pool taken out, too much in insurance and too much in the cost of water and maintenance, told his children they will just have to "rough it"; as I understand from my brother those children are not happy but the parents are.

I saw my Doctor this morning and he is very please with my program and has said that I only need just one person to assist me now since I can take a bath or shower without problems and can climb the stairs and do light things, even making my breakfast.

But I hated the idea of letting either one of my caregivers go, so this noon time I talked it over with both Ella and Louise about what the doctor said.  Ella said it would be better if she left, her daughter is getting close to having her baby and the last month is going to have to remain in bed a lot as the baby has tried to arrive too soon and Ella has been worried for her daughter's health.  So tomorrow Ella will finish things up and move to her daughter's house. 

I'll hate having her leave, both she and Louise have been wonderful companion/caregivers.  Louise is going to stay on until the doctor pronounces me able to go back to work,  in about a month's time.  Wednesday I'm going in to work in the afternoon with Louise to see how things are going and get further updates on projects.  I've been in touch via E-mail, conference video and phone but its not the same as being there.

And I am getting a bit restless, my back twinges just a little bit only occasionally and having the massage and the warm baths have helped.  And I did surprise myself with how well I was able to get around at the Art Deco Ball.  The therapist only comes once a week now and says I've improved so much that I'd only have to go to her office just once a month for evaluation and to make sure I'm doing my exercises correctly.

I feel sad in a way, its a change but its a good change and I'll be in touch with Ella and Louise even afterwards.  And with Marie moving forward on her plans to buy the house there will be more changes.

But for now, I'm going to the Library to return some books and donate some paperbacks for their book sale.   As a matter of fact there is a Friends of the Library book sale coming up next week.  Something to look forward to.  Who knows what I will find.

Later Darklings

Sunday, April 28, 2013

Of Art Deco Preservation Ball~~~~

Hello Darklings,

Just a brief post.

Well my sister and I did our mani-pedi's yesterday and the color is just beautiful.   But when we came home Doyle surprised us with tickets to the Art Deco Societies Preservation Ball. 

Food, wine, music, silent auction all in the wonderfully restored Paramount Movie Theatre, I could not have been happier and we were dressed in our 1930's best.  It was such a joy.

And I was amazed at how well I was able to get around,  I was using a cane to be on the safe side, and I had to wear my low heeled shoes until I'm fully back to par, but it was exciting and colorful.

They even had a fortune teller or card reader there, the gentleman was dressed in a tuxedo and with a turban much like one would see a "Swami" wear in those old 1930's serials, his booth was set up to reflect the 1920's/30's and I enjoyed having my fortune read, all very amusing and it was a very nice fortune too.  I got his card in case I want to hire him for a party.

I was a bad girl this morning, I slept in, so did my sister, and she is going forward on purchasing the house next door, the agent was able to do a walk thru with her earlier along with our contractor friend.  The repairs are do-able and he privately told her that the former owners had done some illegal electrical work, which would give off high EMF readings, no wonder people didn't want to stay there. 

The damage done by the pot growers was not that bad except that the floors in which they were growing the pot plants is going to have to be redone.  Kitchen and Bathrooms and fine, need serious cleaning but fine.  And no bug or any kind of issues, but Marie is going to have it fumigated especially for bed bugs just to be on the safe side.

The price is good, the monthly payments will be fine as well as the property tax.  And she will be able to get some serious tax deductions on it.

So now we are relaxing, Doyle is bar-b-quing, the garden is nice and sunny and fragrant, birds are chirping, Belladonna is snoozing in the sun and it feels good.

Doyle has found some charities that are helping the victims of the bombing to help offset their medical expenses that we are going to donate to.  In the midst of all this beauty we are very lucky and so it is important to remember those who are struggling and we should count ourselves blessed, so it is important to send those blessings on.

Later Darklings

Friday, April 26, 2013

Of more Dental problems, a nice policeman, a haunted house?~~~

Hello Darklings,

Well the first of the procedures for the root canal has started at "Oh My God!  It's Early!" today, I'm home now and am on a strong Motrin, but I'm going to have to lie down in a bit.  I'll be going back next week for more, until they are sure its cleaned out and then pin it, then a crown.  It's going to cost nearly $1000.00 but that is what good dental insurance is for.  

And trust me Darklings, I'm keeping all the bills.  I cannot bill this to the man who hit my car, but I will give it to my tax person for the 2013 taxes.  Hopefully I'll have enough medical bills to take a deduction.

I talked to the nice policeman the other day, I did make a joke that I didn't order a male stripper----Trust me Darklings he was VERY good looking.  

The officer took it with good grace and a smile but then we got down to business, it seems that Doyle had noticed something at the empty house next door and I had also remarked about it, I thought someone had bought the house, but it seems that some homeless people moved in and were growing some marijuana plants.

Doyle had called the complaint in and the officer also wanted my statement, while he was taking it Doyle came home and was glad to see that the plants were removed and the "growers" were removed.

Marie was very unhappy about that when she found out, but glad that they had been arrested.  It seems that she had been thinking of buying the house next door, it's going for a short sale, so she contacted the real estate agent to take a walk through, we were wondering why the house had not sold before now given the housing market and the agent said that each time she thought the house was sold the buyers suddenly would back out of the deal.  Marie laughed and said "Why?  Is the house haunted?"  and the agent gave her a very strange look. 

So I asked Marie if living in a "haunted house" would bother her and she said "All I have to look for is strong EMF readings."   of course I knew what she meant and we know of an electrician who understands those sort of things.

The major question will be how much damage did the homeless people do and can Marie secure the house while work is being done?  She has a friend who needs temporary housing until he can find a place of his own, so if the kitchen and bathroom are working properly he can "rough it". 

And it will be nice to have my sister next door, this way she'll have space when her children visit and if it's going to be a BIG gathering there is space in my home.

I have not posted much more on the Boston bombing events, the story is still unfolding but the 2nd bomber admitted that his brother came up after the first bombing, with the idea to hijack a car drive to New York and plant 3 more bombs in Times Square, the only thing that thwarted their plans was the car didn't have enough gasoline for the trip and died because of an empty fuel tank.

And now they are looking for a radical Muslim called "Misha" who may have turned the mind of the oldest brother into doing hateful acts. 

Agatha Christie once said that the worse criminal is one who can persuade another to do a criminal act, can persuade another to do the killing for them.  And that is what terrorists groups are doing.

Now I'm feeling tired and Ella wants me to rest, she will take Belladonna for her walk.

I'm going to have a mani-pedi tomorrow and I'm going to use "Disturbia"  it is a deep dark purple with a little shimmer to it.  I like the color it will go with most of my clothing.

But to rest, and rest well.

Later Darklings

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Of having a tooth ache, dental surgery and nail polish~~~~

Oh Darklings,

Just as I was enjoying the nice coolness of the day, I had a tooth start to act up, nothing overly painful really but, one of those sort of discomforts that tell you that its going to get serious.

My dentist was able to take me in today and from all the examinations, I have a dying nerve in that tooth, so I am looking at a root canal.  I've only had one before, many years ago. 

And at that time many years ago, the poor Dentist, at first he made the mistake of using finger pressure instead of Novocain, I did warn him that I thought it was worse, and as soon as the air hit the nerve all Hell broke loose and I bit my dentist.

Poor man, once he got his bleeding under control, his partner gave me a shot of Novocain and started treatment, went on for several weeks, for me not for him, he was fine no stitches, but he did need a tetanus shoot for just in case.

Please remember this was over 40 years ago and dentistry has come a long, long way.  I did somehow manage to rip off the arm cushion of his dental chair, I was Not charged for it, and we did remain dentist and patient for many years until he retired and sold his practice.

Now I'm facing another root canal 40 years later, well it will be a bit better but I'm still not looking forward to it.  I've been given some pain meds for it, but I have to be careful because if I have to take my other medication  for my back I have to watch it carefully.   And no wine or spirits of any sort.

And at least I'll be seeing the oral surgeon this Friday to get the preliminaries out of the way.

While I and Louise were waiting for the prescription to be filled at the druggist's, I drifted over to the cosmetic section to see if there was anything new in nail color, Revlon has some tropical colors out like "Seashell"  and "Sun burst" all very Summer at the Beach and Caribbean looking but not my style.

Revlon also has some nice business colors out, I did like one called "Iconic" a very deep blackest grey teal, and Essie has the Haute business collection which I found interesting, but Wet and Wild had a deep purple that I could not resist called "Disturbia"  perfect if you are in a mental institutional mood.

But at least I got my "nail polish" fix, I bought "Iconic" and "Disturbia"----you know I love that word, it would make for a perfect name for someone.  Oh I just remembered that's been done in one of the Addams Family movies.   But just think Darklings if you had girls and were in a serious Goth mood you could name them "Wednesday", "Morticia", "Disturbia", "Griselda", "Draculina"  but they'd have to be pretty strong to stand up to any teasing they may get. 

Sorry Darklings, Strange thoughts, I blame the medication.  But now I must go, Louise says there is a nice police officer asking to speak to me, why I don't know, I haven't run over anyone lately, everyone else has been doing the driving.

Later Darklings

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Of we're having a heat wave and more thoughts on the Boston Bombers~~~

Dear Darklings,

We are having a very serious heat wave here in the Bay Area, it even broke records,  87 degrees where I live.

I have a sprinkler system set on timers, the areas that always have a lot of shade get watered in the early  morning, those that have full sun are watered late at night at it's coolest, but I make sure that the water is not wasted, I discovered that my Great Aunt had devised a capture system for any run off, with drains here and there, to collect in a cistern located in the back of the property away from any buildings.

Using a motor pump to pump up that water, the water is reused again to water plants using a hose, especially for those plants that are thirsty drinkers or are in hanging pots or boxes.  However I have to make sure that screens are on to keep animals out and I do have to throw down into it a chemical to kill mosquito larvae,  I had thought of using mosquito fish but that seemed impractical.

And now they are offering hoses that can shrink and expand when it's filled with water or drained, takes up less space, doesn't kink, easy to use and very reasonably priced. 

The house does not have air conditioning, since we are in an area that has only moderate heat during the Summer months, thanks to the natural air conditioning from the Ocean currents and the Bay Fog.

But when it gets hot, out come the fans,  we have box fans in the kitchen area, but bit by bit I've been purchasing these Victorian or Edwardian fans that are offered by the Victorian Trading company, they go much better with the style of the house and look period correct.   Yes my Darklings, when electricity was put into houses and buildings way back when, electric fans were invented.

On Antiques Roadshow, they even showed a fan that worked on lamp oil, they lit the lamp and the heat went up and rotated the blades, very clever but very dangerous.

I am still following the events on the investigation of the Boston Bombing.

The good news is that the remaining victims still in hospitals will survive, badly damaged and injured by the bombing but they will survive.   The wife of the dead bomber is helping the investigation, the 2nd bomber it looks like he will survive as well and has been writing his responses.

And it appears they worked alone, but had been planning more targets.  Of course the big question is why.

From what I've been able to understand it appears it was mostly the elder brother's idea and the younger influenced by his brother went along with it.  An article appeared in the Christian Science Monitor and the writer said one has to look at the ethic background of where the brothers came from, and how the eldest was influenced when he went back to visit his father for 6 months.

Everyone says they can't believe the brothers did this, there were no signs, but good sociopaths can be very clever to hide their intentions and lead others to their doom.  Especially when emotionally and spiritually vunerable.

Look at Jim Jones, the leaders of the Heaven's Gate Group and the Branch Davidians, and look at Hitler when Germany and its people were at its emotional weakest, look at leaders of the KKK, or the Neo-Nazi's.  And now Look at Al-Quida, the leaders of the Taliban who create suicide bombers instead of working to educate the young people, find ways of creating a better economy, of bringing jobs and employment to their countries, of finding ways to grow more food, using solar power for energy.

The gifts for creation of a better life, of spiritual progress are all there, but fundamentalists put blinders on and instead destroy.   I'm also including fundamentalist christian groups as well, that refuse to understand the changes in the 21st century and the need for complete equality and freedom for men and especially for women.

My sister and brother and I were very lucky to have parents to instill into us those protections to question people and their motives, and to instill into us our sense of self preservation and free will.  My sister and brother have  passed and are passing those same qualities into their children for only then can we be free of tyranny be it government or religious fanaticism.

And that is something all Goths should work to protect, otherwise you will lose your choice of lifestyle and creativity and expression.

But I also have said, if you have that freedom, you are also responsible to recognize the sensibilities of others, and do not do it for just the shock value but for raising awareness.

Example:  there are those that want to practice nudity all the time in public areas, in front of children, because they feel it is their right.   I say up to a point---if it is in violation of public health and public exposure laws or offends parents with children, then put your clothes on.  But if you are at an event such as a nude beach, or nudist colony that is your right, but at the Gay Pride parade or in a general public area, no one wants to see a flabby "personal appendage"  with a lot of old grey hair, or even an erect one.  And some ladies no one want to see your chest if it goes down to your knees,  even I at my age prefer to keep some mystery about my body.

But there should be art and expression that will make one's mind think, question and say "I wasn't aware of that."  That should always be preserved, be it a painting, writing, sculpture, film, photography.

And now my Darklings,  it is time for my walk with Ella and little Belladonna, the exercise helps build up my leg muscles and endurance.

Later Darklings,

Saturday, April 20, 2013

Of the Boston Bomber Capture~~~~

Hello Darklings,

Well the news for many is good, the younger brother involved in the Boston bombings was captured alive, injured but alive.  His older brother is dead,  it seems that the night before the capture, one of them shot and killed an MIT police officer, they hijacked a car and it's driver, abandoned them and tried to hide in Waterton (Watertown?) there was a shoot out, the oldest was killed.  The youngest got away for 24 hours.

A man who had a boat stored in his back yard noticed blood on the covering and called 911 and the younger brother was captured.

I'm glad that at least one of them is alive, I hope we will get answers to why they did it.

But as I understand from interviews with family members, the oldest brother was always in trouble and could influence the younger brother, which is sad because the younger brother was on his way to getting a medical degree, an Uncle called them "Losers" and that they shamed the family.  In another interview a boxing coach said that the older brother could easily influence the younger brother into doing the wrong thing.

Of course the father and an aunt say they were framed and its a conspiracy, but the Mother has said that the oldest brother was under F.B.I. surveillance but didn't seem to be a credible threat, there were no out ward signs of what they were planning to do.

But Doyle, my sister and I agree we won't know the full story, there are so many theories flying about, not until the surviving brother can be interviewed and that information is released will we know anything.

Many people are saying that this bombing is done by the government, this is especially bandied about by conspiracy theorists.   Especially as there had been no credible red flag, and people are saying that the younger is such a nice boy.  But the elder brother became more involved in his faith and there had been at least one, possibly more domestic violence arrests on the elder for beating up his wife whom he allegedly brow-beat to join his religion.  Again I do use the word "allegedly", as this is an on going investigation.

But because people can't believe that they are bombers or terrorists they are shocked.

Personally my sister and I and Doyle are not so shocked.   I am especially reminded of a line from Shakespeare "To Smile and smile and still be a villain".

Each of us have come across people like that, people whom we were led to believe were good people but do horrible and heinous crimes, Doyle in his previous line of work especially.  My sister and I we learned through Life Experiences.

People who were friendly, polite, helpful yet turned out to be monsters of the worse kind.  And young people whose nureau synapses are still over-firing and have not learned caution, reason, wisdom or any real life experience, all so easy to manipulate into a life of crime or terrorism.

My late Elder brother, even at his young age always said to not put him on a pedestal, to not make him a hero.   He was a good young man, but he made the mistake of trusting a best friend who was not a friend, this person was the one who killed him.    My family had no inkling that my brother's friend could do that or was capable of doing that.

But I soon learned different, it was not an accident, it was willful and deliberate.   So by the age of 12 I had learned the extreme dark side of the mind.   I knew by age 12 horrible tragedy by life events.  And I decided to learn more about the dark side,  my parents fortunately understood and guided me and gave me emotional support.  All of this added to my eventual gothicness, and added to my strength.  My sister eventually followed in her own way. 

But I thank my parents for bringing me up into the air and into the light as needed so I would not drown in such evil.  I thank them for giving me humor, and seeing the weird side of life as well.   We could be like the Addams Family or the Munsters, but with a touch of X-Files,  Kolchack the Night Stalker, One Step Beyond and a teeny-tiny bit of Dexter.

Why a teeny-tiny bit of Dexter?  My Father, bless him, hung a fraud "out to dry" by exposing this person's scheme in such a way that only the criminal was hurt and no one else.

But now the weather is beautiful and Sis and I are going shopping with little Belladonna along for the ride in her tote bag.  And not to worry I'm taking my rolling walker along just in case I tire.  I feel it is time to look for "Summer Cothing".

Later Darklings

Thursday, April 18, 2013

Of Something completely Different----Belladonna my dog~~~~

Hello Darklings,

Well there was breaking news that the F.B.I. has two suspects, and they have pictures on their web site.

For those of you back East in the Boston Area especially, go to the F.B.I. website and see if you recognize these men.

And now for something different.....I was asked about my little dog Belladonna.

Well how I found Belladonna is posted on my April 1, 2012 posting under "An addition to the Family"

She is a black and tan Chaiuaua(a little Mexican dog) about 2 years old now, her tan markings give her eyebrows, a tan muzzle and legs.  At first you think she might be a really tiny Doberman.  But she's not.

She had been abandoned and on that post you'll read how I found her.   She has been a wonderful little companion, one would think she'd be a bit nippy as most can be, but she is not that way.   However she will let me know if she thinks there is an intruder at the door.

She loves my sister and Doyle and loves playing with Coralline.  Most of the time when I go to work I have an elderly neighbor take care of her, which is fine for both of them for the companionship.   But if my neighbor has plans or is ill then I or Doyle will take her to a Doggie Day care that we like.

She is sweet and silly, brave and scared, inquisitive and shy at the same time.  And I spoil her terribly, I look for sweaters and tee shirts that have skulls on them, and at Halloween I have fun looking for cute things for her to wear, nothing silly, but I did find a pair of devilish horns for her to wear and she does with good grace.

Doyle and I try to sneak her in with us if we can in her doggie tote bag, at a few of the places we like to dine at and she is very good.   But of course there are places we can't take her, so we make arrangements for her to be baby sat.  Most of the time it is my Sister but my neighbor has always been happy to do it.

She sleeps at the foot of my bed when Doyle is around, but when he's not she loves to snuggle next to me.

I've found that by using these tea tree wipes that I find at Pet Food Express it helps keep her clean between baths and I use the Advantex II for flea treatment.  It seems to work best.

I've never clipped her nails, I have the vet do that.  And how well does she get along with her vet and staff?, well she hasn't bitten him and he and his staff are very gentle with her.

The only time she gets very distressed is 4th of July when fireworks are set off,  we have to give her a pill to calm her down.  

You will find mentions of her here and there in my previous posts.  

For years I never did have a pet, my life and my hours did not make it easy to have one,  when I was a little girl we had a cat from time to time, but my Father always had sneezing fits when one was brought into the house, so having a pet was not a good thing, and my Father loved animals, if he took his medicine he could be around a cat or dog for a short amount of time but day in and day out, well it was not a good thing.

We did have a parakeet named "Pretty Boy" that my sister won at a church bazaar, who was a silly thing and made us laugh with its antics.   One time the bird tried to land on Dad's head and grabbed some hair instead and flipped over hanging upside down, it was a little painful for dad.

My Uncle Mannie was bald and one evening we had him over for dinner with Grandma, because we were all sitting at the kitchen table Pretty Boy started flapping his wings at his cage door demanding to be let out.

Mom didn't want to but Grandma and Uncle Mannie said it was o.k. so Pretty Boy joined us at the dinner table flying to my shoulder then to my sisters and then back to his cage.  Suddenly he took off flew around the room (we had the windows closed) and decided to land on my Uncle's bald head, two feet and his tail, well my Uncle's head was slippery and Pretty Boy slid off and landed with a thump on the floor, we all looked at the bird and he walked over to a corner and started muttering to himself in the corner occasionally looking over his feathered shoulder and wondering why he couldn't land on that spot. 

Grandma said that Pretty Boy was embarrassed and went over and coaxed him onto her finger, brought him to the table and gave him a bit of bread crust, and he seemed to be happy.  We all laughed at what had happened.  We had him for nearly 8 years then one morning Mother woke up and found him dead on the cage bottom, we never knew what happened as he was perky the night before.  But Dad said sometimes that happens like a stroke or heart attack.   He had a nice funeral with a rose bush planted on top of him.

We never did have another pet after that.  We all were busy with schooling and such and now I have Belladonna.   I hope to have her for a long, long time.

Later Darklings

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Of further Updates on the Boston Tragedy and memories of another event~~~

Dear Darklings,

My mind is just reeling of what has happened and information flying in so fast and furious.

So far 3 are dead, over 170 are injured some critically.  The reports of two unexploded bombs were incorrect and so far the fire at JFK Library just co-incidence.

Many runners are making plans to do a sort of "Run to show we are not intimidated" Marathon, people refusing to allow something like this change their lives except to be more vigilant.  Which is the only true course of action.

I am reading and hearing conflicting reports that a suspect has either been arrested or has been identified, I am not sure which, perhaps the news casters on the east coast have more information.

Doyle make an interesting remark to me when he came home late last night, he said that he hopes they check the roofs and any areas were the windows were exploded inward as that could contain important pieces of evidence and according to the noon time (PDT) broadcast they had done just that and found something.

Quiet heroes are emerging from this holocaust, people just doing what they felt was only right to do and those who are trained to do any emergency work.

I feel it will take me a few more days to get my mind back on real life again, and I can understand this desire to want more information to be updated constantly.

When Kennedy was shot in 1963 Mother was glued to the television set, Dad had to get a long antenna wire extension so that she could roll the t.v. set from the kitchen into the living room so she could do her work and still hear the news.  She saw when Jack Ruby shot the alleged killer and it happened live, I remember when I came home after picking up my younger sister and brother at school,  she was just sitting on the couch with her mouth open, almost unable to speak, all she could say was "someone shot him!  some man in the crowd shot him!"   I had to call Grandma and Uncle Mannie drove her to our house, she had to get Mother in gear just to make dinner, so sis and I dashed to the market across the street to get ground round to make meat loaf, it was the easiest thing to make for 7 people.  

For some reason that meat loaf tasted real good, I think because Mom and Grandma in a daze threw everything into it, long green onions, diced tomatoes,  we had some left over baked potatoes so we had mashed potatoes with bits of green onions in it and fresh string beans,  Grandma said to buy a pound of string beans and sis and I were kept occupied trimming, washing and cutting the beans.  Uncle Mannie took our brother outside to play catch until Dad got home.

Grandma turned off the T.V. and said "That is enough news for now."  That was a very sad November.

And even now I simply will not turn on the television until it is time for the regular news,  I have to get my mind back together.

And now a little bit of good news,  in the beginning of May my Lawyer and the defendant's lawyer and us will meet at my lawyers office to discuss a settlement, but it will be hefty, there will be no bargaining, it's either what I want or we go to court, which he doesn't want.

I have seen my doctor and he said I can go to my office next week to talk to my co-workers to see what is happening, my back spasms seemed to have ceased, but we'll know better when I'm back to work, the bruising is now just reddish and the cut on my cheek will only need the slightest of cosmetic surgery and even the discoloration will fade, I've not used any make up because I didn't want it to be in any way infected.

But considering how bruised I was even applying makeup was painful.   I'm walking more have even taken Belladonna on her walks with either Ella or Louise with me.  Doing the heat therapy seemed to have helped me heal much faster.  And I have to admit I've gotten very spoiled being waited upon, but that will stop eventually. 

I could not resist this, for several weeks I felt like that

I still get a little weakness in my legs and on occasion a little dizzy, but the Doctor has ruled out head trauma but if the occasional dizziness persists he will look into that further.

But I most likely will not go back to work until the end of May.   Why so long?  Doctor wants to be completely sure I can handle the work, I feel like that character "Rocky" getting ready for a prize fight, only its getting strong enough to work.

And now I must go, Louise says its time for Belladonna's and mine afternoon walk.  Where is that theme from "Rocky"?

Later Darklings

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Of thoughts on the Boston Tragedy and April 20th~~~~

Dear Darklings,

There are no words that I can say to express thoughts on this senseless tragedy that has happened in Boston,  except that it is a reminder that even in peaceful places there is evil.

Every year I have always been afraid of the date April 20th, long, long before anyone knew of its significance.

It was not April 15 income tax day, that was a given and a joke and could be dealt with and it was never April 9 or December 9 when we have to pay property taxes, that could be dealt with.

But April 20th, it always seemed something evil or insidious would happen on or about that date, never much after, but always just before or on.    My eldest Brother died that day in a senseless murder and then when studying history I discovered whose birthday it was in history.

April 20th is Hitler's birthday----one of the most evil men to have encouraged mass murder in the 20th century.

It seems---with the exception of Sept 11----a number of major tragedies have happened on or about that day, the Columbine shootings April 20th, Virgina Tech shootings April 16th, Oklahoma City Bombing April 19th,  Waco siege ending on April 19th  and now Boston April 15th.

Technically speaking in Boston it is April 19th that is called Patriot's Day for two battles in the American Revolution, but they moved it to be celebrated on the 3rd Monday in April in the mid-1960's and also hold the Boston Marathon, so there are two Patriots Days.

This is not to be confused with Patriot Day (minus the "s") on Sept 11.

But always the week before April 20th I always dread that time.  I always made arrangements to not go to work that day and to stay home, I'd pray that my love one's would be safe.   But now I can see we are never safe and we need to take one day at a time, enjoy what we have and hug and love our families, never argue or if you do at least work toward making up.

My eldest brother was 10 years older than me, and I looked up to him as a hero, he had his faults but I always remember him saying to me "Don't put me up in the clouds sis, I make mistakes, I'm human."

His death started me trying to fathom the human mind and its evil twists and turns.   I've read books and essays about Evil in all its disguises, I took classes in college to understand psychology of the human mind, but then there are things buried so deep into the human mind of such depravity, that I am not surprised when something like this surfaces.

All we can do is pray and draw strength for us to do better, once the answers are found we can understand the sick, twisted convolutions of this sick mind.

Doyle has a strong suspicion that it is the work of a lone individual, trying to make some sort of statement, of what is any one's guess, the fact that a total of 4 devices, two exploded and two un-exploded were found, and done in a way that suggest an amateur but one who has studied bombings.   We may find a young man, a loner in his early 20ties, disenfranchised with the world, or an older man who lost his job and can only feel power in terrorism.

Either way it is to gain a sense of power by doing a heinous act of destruction and death upon innocent people families, children, wives, husbands, brothers and sisters and good friends.   This person has no soul, has no moral sense of right or wrong.  This person has the "dark spot" in his brain that makes him an animal without morals.   I say him, because mostly men will do this sort of thing, women seek to personalize it by doing it to only one or several particular individuals. 

Of course there are always exceptions to the rule, but I sense this is a lone male. An evil and insidious beast, who makes the animals of the wild look like saints.

I must go now Darklings, I have an appointment with my lawyer, as sad as this event is to those that are in the midst of it, for the rest of the world, time can only stop for a moment and then life needs to continue, I'll mourn later.

Later Darklings

Monday, April 15, 2013

Of the tragedy at the Boston Marathon~~~~

Dear Darklings,

This is so heartbreaking.

So Far two people are dead, one an 8 year old child, the injured are now up to 132, with 10 people having limbs amputated, some of them children.

Diane Fienstein is calling this a terrorist act, but whether its home or foreign no word as yet.

My friends are safe, one got ill 1/4 of the way into the run and his friend stopped to help him so they called on their cell phone their family members to come to them, far away from the explosions. 

The alleged explosion at the JFK Library was a fire in a maintenance room, not sure if its related or just coincidence.

Poor Louise didn't want to go home but I told her if she didn't her family would worry, and then my sister arrived home all safe, so Louise went home and she will call us when she arrives.

I had to leave the television for a short while, so my mind can take this in.

This is the dark side of life that my mind tries to fathom, the evil that is in one's soul that they can do this without a single thought of who would be harmed,  children, families.  

And so far no one is claiming responsibility, which I find odd.  Rumor has it that they were like pipe bombs, but no facts as yet.

My mind is reeling at this evil.  Trying to fathom why someone would do this.

Must go now, my sister is recommending that we order something delivered, but right now I have no appetite.

Later Darklings

Of Horror at the Boston Marathon~~~~

Oh My Darklings,

A horrible, horrible event happened a short while ago, two explosions at the Boston Marathon went off, killing at least 2 people, injuring 50 more, many with severed limbs, at least 8 people critically!

2 more explosive devises were found but had not gone off,  another explosion happened an hour later at the John F. Kennedy Library, no word if anyone had been injured.

Rumors are going around that a suspect has been captured, but so far no word on the news feed.

Doyle called me and said he was called in to assist with security as San Francisco and Oakland has been put on high alert as well as other major cities.

I have several friends who run in the marathon, but I cannot get in touch with them, I can only pray they are safe. 

My sister called me to see if I and Louise are O.K. but right now I am glued to the television, Louise God Bless her is praying and now I am going to do the same.

Later My Darklings

Sunday, April 14, 2013

Of a quick update and Gunshows~~~~

Hello My Darklings,

I'm waiting right now while Doyle finishes taking care of a few things, but in a few minutes we are going to a Gunshow in Daley City and I am excited.

Doyle is packing the rolling walker in case I get tired, it has a seat so that I can sit down when I tire and it is smaller than the wheelchair.

I have not been to a gun show in ages and I am sooo looking forward to this treat!  You can see I'm excited.

Yes my Darklings I do shoot guns, I own several, and they are safely locked in a heavy duty fire resistant gun safe, locked in a special closet that is kept locked and the key to that closet is safely locked in my desk drawer and I keep that desk drawer key in my purse.

With children visiting I make sure they are not accessible to them.  Doyle being a former police officer has made sure of that.

I know Darklings, some people object to guns, but I've always felt that it's not the gun but the person behind the gun that directs its usage.   I've also felt that for any Goth or Gothic type person, Elder/Elderly or young, it is in their best interest to learn how to shoot one, to understand its feel, its power and energy. 

In the right hands it can be a force for good and protection, in the wrong hands with a deranged mind controlling it----well it can be like North Korea saying it will bomb the US only it would have the capability of doing it.

It is like the energy of Fire.  Fire can warm you, cook your food, harden steel and iron, assist in making things, and light your way in the dark----but it can also destroy and kill especially in the wrong hands.

My Father insisted that my sister, brothers and I learn to shoot, he owned a gun and a rifle and when each of us were old enough he taught us.  It was a good learning lesson and all of us were glad he took the time to teach us.

Now Doyle is ready and so we are off to the show.

Later Darklings

Friday, April 12, 2013

Of frustrations of medicine, wine, legal fees and The Addams Family~~~~~

Hello My Darklings,

Well I'm a little frustrated right now, I've been a very good "little girl" but because of the pain medications I'm on I can't go to a wine tasting, so I'm pouting a little.

Not that I have to take them all the time,  I did in the early part of my recovery and any wine, etc.,  was off limits, but now I only have to take it as needed.

But Doyle and the Doctor in their concern informed me "No wine before its time"  playing upon an old joke, but considering my current condition so true.

Doyle said there will be other times and he's right, I guess I'm just going through a frustrating period.

But on another note I've been in touch with my lawyer and he thinks there is going to be a breakthrough and we may not have to go to court.

When he sent copies of the bills of expenses accrued so far including the cost of a nearly new car to the other driver's lawyer, it seems he almost had an apoplectic fit or stroke or whatever and has been having serious talks with the man, even brought in a retired judge to tell him what the most likely outcome will be, given the mounds of evidence supporting our side and damming for his.

And it seems that this person is in line for a promotion and this could seriously harm his chances.   So my lawyer said to not be surprised if we get a very serious out of court settlement, but he'll know better in the next few weeks.   So I'll be going in to see him with my sister and Louise next week so he can project what my future expenses will be plus legal fees and such and make  a  very serious presentation.

In a way it's nice to have something hanging over someone else's head.  

My co-workers have been calling me to discuss some situations to be squared away with.   So the Doctor said that I can go in 1 day just to do a conference with staff, I must have my caregiver and the wheelchair even though my walking and strength has made great improvements.   He is concerned that once I get into the work environment I'll be like an old fire horse, I hear the bell and run to the fire.   And he's right.

I do have to confess though being at home for this long a period has given me some consideration to the idea of retirement, but I don't think I'm ready for it yet.  I think I'll know better once I'm back to working full-time.   Even my boss is wondering if there is a way I could retire and yet work on an hourly basis and it is possible.  So I'll keep that idea percolating on the back burner so to speak.

Doyle gave me a treat last night, he surprised me with the complete set of  "The Addams Family" episodes, I think the one with the spacemen was so funny and absurd but the 6 we saw last night were all funny, and it has given me more ideas for some fun things around the house.

But now Louise is here and we are going to the Spa so I can partake of that nice heated jacuzzi and a facial massage, she is going to have one too, my treat.  With Ella I've suggested something like this for her but she says she is not the Spa type,  so I'm going to have to put my "thinking cap" on.

Later Darklings

Thursday, April 11, 2013

Of Religion and same names~~~~

Hello My Darklings,
WARNING---this is a very, very long post. Please take your time to read it.

I’ve had several questions asked of me, and one of them is about clarification, the other about religion.

I’ve mentioned Monica, a young artist friend of mine and Monica in relation to Coralline. Indeed they are two separate people, the second Monica is Coralline’s Mother, the first is a friend.
As a matter of fact I have co-workers, acquaintances, friends and family members with the same first name, one name in particular is most frequent and that is “David”. To distinguish each one I’ve had to use either a last name, especially among co-workers (I have 3 David’s’ where I work) and among friends and family for a total of 8 David’s’. Can you imagine the confusion that arises with that many David’s? For a period of time it was the name Michael, I knew 10 of them, but that has since over the years settled down to just 6.
Mary was another name; I knew 3 Mary’s so I’d use a last initial or their middle name if I happen to know it.

Even in my address book (hard copy and computer copy) I’ve had to put in where I know them or what type of relationship; with cousins I know some 2nd and 3rd cousins that I’m friendly with again with the same first name or in some cases same first and last name, so I’d have to throw in their middle name. And there is one case where I have a Junior and a Senior, so I have to use the first name followed by Jr or Sr.

It is a miracle my eyes don’t cross when I think about this. And I am also amazed at how quickly my brain processes this information.

The other question that has been put to me, and very respectfully I might add, is my religious beliefs or affiliation.

In very simple terms I am Roman Catholic. But I received my Catechism training as a Pre-Vatican Two Catholic, very old style, Latin Mass traditional training. I even have my little book that has the blue and gold stars showing how well I progressed. “Who Made Me? --- God Made Me.”

Now a days there is a schism within the Catholic Church, there are those who are Pro-Vatican Two and there are those that have broken away from that and are Traditional Catholics, Pre-Vatican Two.

Myself I am a mixture, I prefer the old way of conducting Mass in Latin with the Priest with his back to the congregation focusing on the rites of the mass. Even Joseph Campbell said that when the church changed the focus of conducting the ritual it changed the energy of the mass instead of it being focused and upward it became scattered, confused and defused. And I agree whole heartedly with that.

The altar that contains the sacred relics and the tabernacle holding the host is behind the priest and has ceased to be the focus of energy for the people worshiping. The chanting of the mass in Latin has a rhythm that carries the energy forward and upward and could be followed in one’s prayer book.

However, I do believe that having gays in the church and women priests as well as married priests especially those who have left the Anglican or Episcopal Church and converted to Catholicism would be a great step forward. And I deplore how the church attempted its cover up of those pedophile priests. I do believe in contraception for women as well as a woman’s right to choose especially if her life is in danger, the only people that should be involved is the woman, and her medical physician, no one, not an individual person, a religious organization, a political organization or a government should be involved.

I also feel that the Modern Catholic Church has gotten a little too free-wheeling in some areas, ritual is very helpful in dealing with things in life, there is something solid feeling about ritual, and once it gets too free-wheeling it seems to knock out the underpinnings in a person. That is something I have noticed, especially among young people, the foundation of one’s soul gets shredded without ritual and foundation.

I do feel that the individual’s right to cremation or to in anyway save on funeral costs I think is good. But I do prefer the old-fashion rosary, even at the memorial service, but some people I know are not comfortable with that and many people have friends and co-workers who are of different religious beliefs and so will modify the service, which is fine.

Although I do feel that the addition of the “Mysteries of Light” to the Rosary is an excellent addition.

When I pass on, it will be an old-fashion funeral service, flowers optional, donations to a worthy charity highly preferred. I do have moneys set aside for that and my burial plot and head stone are all picked out. As a matter of fact my head stone is black granite and although expensive it will have a picture of me when I was looking my best, I have that picked out as well. I plan to have it say besides my name and date of birth and death, the statement “I will return!” meaning I plan to re-incarnate.

When I was entered as a young child into the rites of the Catholic Church it was baptism, penance, communion, confirmation, then the choice of marriage or holy orders, and extreme unction or last rites now called rites of the sick. Now they have switched the order between communion and confirmation which I find a bit disconcerting.

Baptism at birth is fine or if one decides to convert, penance is usually done with “first holy confession” at age 7 because at that age it was thought that most children will understand right from wrong, what is and what isn’t a sin so they can follow the right path, but then also at that age you were invited to join “the Lords’ Table” that is communion and to take part in the mass because at 7 to 8 you are beginning to understand what is needed from you and also to continue your religious education and training in the Church to fully understand one’s commitment to it, then by age 13 to 14 to take confirmation which as I was taught, meant you recommitted yourself to the church to become a “solider for Christ” to do by good acts and good deeds show others the way to the right path of love, compassion, healing and to God’s light.

I remember the priest saying to us “Once you take that commitment of Confirmation there is no going back, your soul is pledged to do good in thought, word and deed and to show others by your actions the way to God’s love and light.”

Pretty heady, frightening and yet beautiful when you think about it.

Now they call penance or confession as the rite of reconciliation, well I can see that in a way but more for after you have been “accepted to the Lords’ table”, but I remember how important it was for me to do my first confession so that I’d be starting my religious training and acceptance to the Lord’s table with a clean slate.

But I do have to say in the past number of years, my slate has gotten pretty dirty from time to time. I mean how do you tell a priest that you had intimate relations for the first time outside of marriage, I mean I was not married. I have to laugh, I remember the priest asking if pre-cautions were taken to not transmit any disease, not pregnancy but disease. I guess that prevented him from condemning me as a wanton woman, well I knew my health education and I knew what precautions to take, and I said “yes” and he said “Good, but remember my child, your body is a temple to God and you must not abuse or defile that temple” he told me what my penance was and added an interesting rider which was to volunteer for a month at a home for unwed mother’s.

I did, yes, my Darklings I did, why? Because I was curious and I also felt that I would be cheating if I didn’t. This home was run by some nuns, and they did everything to help these young girls some as young at 14, and to work out some reconciliation with their parents or to see about adopting their baby to a childless family. They also did counseling especially if the young mothers were giving the child up for adoption and also to find the root of why they did pre-marital sex and to give them guide lines to be morally stronger. I volunteered for 6 months. Why for so long? Well I was taking psychology classes as well in college, so it was a plausible excuse to my parents.

Who was my first love? Not a callow boy, nor a much older man, no not that, and heavens! NOT a Teacher, I was aware of those schoolish traps. No, he came into my life and even now I think of him with fondness. And now?? Well I never did marry, came close, but never did marry and now I’m “living in sin” with Doyle but at our ages and in these times who cares as long as we have a personal commitment to each other.

And Yes, My Darklings how do I, an Elder/Elderly Goth who is into the “dark side” show the way to the light? For me by piercing the darkness, by looking into it and lighting that one candle to understand the evil within it and to dispel it is how I lead to the light, but at night, in those areas where I can look up into the night sky and see the milky way, into the star lit heavens do I understand the greatness of this creation, and although I feel very small, like one of those tiny pin-pricks of light, I do shine in my own way and therefore am seen by the Creator.

The rituals of the rosary, the stations of the cross, the Easter Sunrise service, even the Easter Midnight Service with the lighting of the Paschal Candle, the burning of the old palms for next years Ash Wednesday, the Christmas Midnight mass, the blessing of the throat on St. Blaise Day, Ash Wednesday service, Palm Sunday, Lent, fasting, confession (when we need it), Novena’s, blessings at meal times and other things help give construction to one’s day, are really very important, the trick though is to do it without making a show of it.

But I am also a Gnostic as well, I’ve found that its best to look into the good parts of the Catholic Faith and take that to heart, that which is dogmatic or seems to have been tainted by Man’s greed one can leave behind, I’ve also looked at Buddhism, had some of my early old testament teachings from an elderly Jewish Rabbi who was more than happy to do comparisons without saying which was better, between the Jewish view of the old testament and the Catholic or Christian look at the same book. I’ve been to Spiritualist Churches as well, my Grandmother knew a man who was a “Satanist” and under her watchful eye he talked to me about his being one, and in my college years talked to a young man of the Islamic faith as well as Native American Shamans.

When I was a child my Mother and Grandmother loved to watch Bishop Fulton J. Sheen talk on his television program “Life is Worth Living”, his talks made so much sense and for its day were very balanced. I remember especially one talk on how it was important to have Mind, Body and Soul in harmony. Even today when I go to a book sale or 2nd hand book store I look for his works to add to my library.

My Grandmother and my parents were Catholic but they were also Gnostic as well, I think because of that it has given me a more balance out look on life. Not only on my personal library shelves do I have a Rehims-Douay Catholic Bible, but also a King James, a number of books by Bishop Sheen, and other Christian and Catholic writers, I also have works on Jewish studies, a copy of the Koran as well a commentaries on it, works on Wicca and witchcraft, Joseph Campbell’s books, the Kabbalah, as well as Nitchez (I don’t think I spelled his name right) Freud, the paranormal and others including the ramblings of Anton LaVey. It is a very eclectic and wide spread.

But as I got older even with my Catholic/Gnostic studies I found that ritual has helped give foundation and structure to my life, without impinging upon it or on anyone else’s.

For Example:

At work at lunch, I’ll lay out my meal, and then take a few seconds to silently offer grace, but to someone watching me, it looks like I’ve taken a few seconds to relax before I start eating which is really a good habit to get into.

When I ride the bus and Bart to work, I have a small bracelet on my wrist, it has a religious medal on it and 14 beads, 10 for the Hail Mary, 1 Our Father, and 3 for Faith, Hope and Charity, by simply crossing my hands and fingering the bracelet I do a decade of the rosary. At work they know that at times I need a little time to myself, so if they see me sitting at my desk but my head is down and I’m not doing anything they leave me alone, I tell them I need some mental alone time to collect my thoughts, they respect that.

I do it at commute time going to work, at noon, at about 3 p.m., and commuting when I go home, and after dinner, I’ll sit down and do a full rosary silently to not disturb Doyle while he reads his magazine, we’ve found that if we watch the news around 9 p.m. (there are stations that do that) and record whatever program is on at that time that we’d like to watch later it balances our day much better.

At home next to the front door, my Great Aunt had hung a small fount to hold holy water, I bless myself when I leave for the day and when I return, to protect and release what that the day may have thrown at me. It feels refreshing.

Does my sister Marie do that? We’ll I know she blesses herself when she leaves and comes home and she does the rosary privately, anything else I do not question.

I have always felt that religion is something that is private between one’s self and God and should not be a public demonstration; there is a parable in the New Testament that speaks of that.

My brother and his wife, they are Catholic, how well do they work at their Catholicism I don’t know but I’m sure they go to church several times a year, if there is no game the boys need to go to that morning, Coralline has asked me questions but I always ask her Mother how far should I go into this, not wishing to tread on toes.

Doyle? He believes in his own way, I’ve seen him bless himself, but I don’t push anything further.

How often do I go to Church? Well as a child and all through my College years I went every Sunday, then I had these work hours that required me to work nights, when the Church started offering Saturday vigil Mass I considered that a blessing, which was a compromise between myself and my parents although I’d make efforts to join them for Mass on Sundays as often as possible, my Mother would go with me to Saturday vigil mass and then she’d go again on Sunday with Dad and my siblings. Not until after my parents passed away did I reduce my attendance. The church that I went with my parents towards the end of their lives had changed too much, so much so that I felt like a stranger in it.

When I was a child and through High School, I would go with my parents, Grandmother and my Uncle Manuel to St. Elizabeth’s, it was a wonderful Church in the Grand old-fashion Catholic Style. It had these wonderful life-size statutes of the saints in one room, it turned out that this room was where the choir would gather before High Mass, and then they’d take these stairs that led to the choir loft where the great organ was housed. There was St. Anthony, St. Theresa, St. Elizabeth, St. Clare, The Holy Mother as a Pieta holding her crucified son in her arms, but above that statue was a stain glass window that showed the risen Christ, and how the layout of the church was that window would capture the sun’s arc all day so it would always be lit.

In the main church, on the left was the statue of Mary and on the right of St. Joseph, but there was also ¾’s size depiction of the crucifixion, I do not remember if it was only brought out on Good Friday or if it was semi-permanent during Lent, but I do remember it always being there. And the pulpit where the sermon was given there was this curved shell with the painting of the Holy Spirit in the image of a Dove mounted above, to a child and young person it was very moving and impressionable and very Gothic.

But after my Grandmother and then my Uncle died, after I had graduated from college and started working, we stopped going there, my Dad said the neighborhood was changing and not for the better he felt, so we started going to St. Jarlath’s and other churches but it was not the same. In my mind I can still see St. Elizabeth’s soaring interior. It was more Gothic than St. Jarlath’s. We eventually settled on a Church in Alameda, although a little bit of a distance, our parents felt a lot better about it and its location.

One thing that I discovered about young people and it was Coralline who enlightened me about this, is that the young people are really not given the mystical reasons for why some things are done, and the mystical/spiritual reasoning behind it. It’s just simply done and “we’ve always done it this way” but when I explain to Coralline the “history” behind these various things and the spiritual implications, she always exclaims “Why don’t they (meaning her teachers) explain that to us?! When you tell it, it makes sense!”

And it also re-affirms her religious convictions. And that amazes me, her sitting at my feet while I explain things to her.

Then one day I was going through my collection of Memento Mori cards and came across two of them one of Good St. Anne teaching Mary and the other of Jesus and the children and my mind flashed back to the conversations Coralline and I have and I found myself smiling.

Maybe that is why so many young people leave the church, we don’t go into the mysticism and spiritualism behind it, maybe we feel they are too young to understand it, but if Coralline who is now 11 years old can understand it, so can others. I feel that Bible study should also include the spiritual reasons why we do certain rituals; why does this have a certain meaning, and I do believe it would not be lost on young people perhaps make them more committed to their faith.

I feel that is what the church is now losing out on and may be they should bring back the old-fashioned Mass in its full glory, I think that Bible studies should be expanded to include what I suggested above especially if they are not doing it now, I think that everyone should watch Joseph Campbell’s “Power of Myth” even if Campbell was prejudice on some areas, his understanding of the important of Myth and Meaning in the shaping of one’s spiritual life is very important. I think all of that would make such a spiritual impression upon young people.

I do believe that if one can take the time to explain things to a young person they will not fall away from the faith they grew up in but learn from it and grow stronger but one needs to take the time to do that. I believe that many young people become disenchanted with the faith of their childhood and convert most frightenly to either a suicidal cult or Islam, because I learned from an experience I had that if you convert to Islam you cannot be Gnostic and I feel that cuts you off from all life’s experiences.

It is the young minds that need to be formed and educated into a good moral life without dogmatism. That was the problem I had with a young man during my college years, who was of the Islamic Faith, he claimed to have fallen in love with me but I informed him I was not in love with him but I did enjoy our discussions, but then after a few months, our discussions turned to him trying to convert me to show me that Allah was powerful and I said God has many names and is worshiped in many ways, the only laws we need to follow is to Love thy neighbor as one would love thyself, which means have respect for people’s differences without forcing things down their throats. That seemed to irritate him so I began watching his personality and behavior.

He then came back as how Islam was a peaceful religion, and I said not as long as people in those countries still practice tribal beliefs, I told him further Catholism and other religions are peaceful religions as long as nothing is forced upon one another, in many ways it has changed over the centuries, even if it is changing slowly it must change to grow with the understanding that society changes, if a religion doesn’t do that and is dogmatic then it is not faith but fear the keeps people on their knees. And I’ve seen too many cults do that.

I had gone to an interfaith worship service a few days before and had invited him to come with me but he strongly refused saying it would taint him. I brought that up to him later asking him how could something Interfaith taint him and he said I was mistaken, that is when I mentally confirmed the two-facedness of this situation and of him, as my parents had no problem with the interfaith service and even asked me about it.

I stopped meeting him for discussions, until one day he confronted me Demanding why I refused to meet him, I replied because he was trying to force conversion down my throat and I deeply resented that.

He claimed he was not doing that and I said he was by trying to trick me with flattery and now demands, he rebutted this but I insisted that was his method pointing out certain arguments and discussions that we had recently, I told him God awakens one’s mind and soul with an epiphany not with a verbal whip.

He became so angry he started calling me “Satan’s Whore” and I started to laugh and laugh loud. He demanded to know why was I laughing and I said “You and your beliefs are very weak if you have to resort to name calling. I laugh because I am strong and I will not surrender my will to someone who thinks they can flatter me or frighten me---Now Leave Me and Never SPEAK to me again!!!” I was glad that I took precautions and had maneuvered ourselves into a public area with people around us to hear this argument. He never approached me again.

Get thee behind me Satan----He transferred from the college we were attending to another, and soon afterwards I encountered a young man who thought he was a Satanist, if you look back on my earlier posts you will find that encounter and the results.

After that as I became older and wiser, I felt that my faith as I have learned it led me to many different religious encounters, including wicca and witchcraft, Ifa, Santeria and Voodoo as well as ghost hunting, all of that was interesting experiences. And I learned the Dark side through those experiences as well.

Now I’m over 60 and in a way I’ve come home, oh not with so much of the organized religion but the faith in God, Jesus, Holy Mother Mary, St. Joseph, Good St. Anne, they remain touchstones and foundations and teachers for me. I still go to church at least once a month although with the back injuries it’s been hard.

Easter was the first time since the accident, and I found something very joyous, renewing and life affirming in the Mass. I also encountered a number of people I had not seen in a long time and it was wonderful to re-connect.

I encourage all people young and old to go to the Midnight Masses, Sunrise Masses especially for those major holidays, even do the Stations of the Cross, study the meanings behind the Mysteries of the Rosary, in many ways they are both Gothic and Goth, dealing with Life and Death and Resurrection. And if you can find a wonderfully old Gothic style Church it can give a greater appeal to it

But my Darklings, I find God in everything, if it’s raining I watch the rain and what it does, the wind, the clouds, I look up at the sky at night and admire the moon and stars, I take pleasure in hearing the birds, and watching the insects like the few bees and butterflies, even the sassiness of the squirrels, Belladonna’s forays on our walks, watching the Koi swimming in the pond with their graceful beauty, watching children play and laugh, looking at the majesty of the trees, and the beauty of the flowers, the ocean shore. They become my everyday church and communion with God each and every day and I am at peace and free.

I’ll continue this later, especially about funeral rituals and memento mori and my encounters with Anton LeVey and Jim Jones. Yes Darklings I met them, ooooh the 1970’s was an interesting time.

Later Darklings

Tuesday, April 9, 2013

Of Wind Storms and Damage~~~~

Hello My Darklings,

We have been such a terrible wind storm for the last few days, blowing down trees and blowing sand across the "Great Highway" that it closed it (this is the roadway that runs along the beach in San Francisco).

Poor Ella my morning caregiver called early, a large tree fell and did damage to the hood of her car and a branch smashed the driver's window, she couldn't come in today, but I asked her if she was O.K. and her house and was her car drive able.  She said she was fine but it will be several days before the city can completely remove her tree and she has to have the window replaced.   I told her to take what time is needed, since I'm improving I'll be fine.

And indeed I am getting more independent, the Doctor thinks another month and I should be able to get around, and I know he's right.  Even Louise my afternoon caregiver says I'm improving a lot that she knows she won't be needed for much longer.  Which I find sad as I've grown fond of her and Ella, I will miss their company.  But by the end of May I'll be back to pretty much my old routine, with some adjustments.

But this wind storm is terrible, and we are still having it today although not as bad.   Some damage was done here at the house, we had not realized that the driveway can be a wind tunnel, some of the tree roses were uprooted by the wind, my gardener will do what he can to save them,  I love their wine dark colors.  When Doyle saw the roses had been knocked over he got some plastic buckets and put the roses into the buckets with water and vitamin B compound to prevent shock until my gardener can come and take care of it.

And an old tree in the farthest back part of the lot also fell over, we knew it was dying and we had plans to remove it, but the wind took care of that and it just fell over.  At least nothing else was damaged, just a big mess.  At least we can wait a bit on that, we'll just have it cut up, and then let the wood dry and we can burn it in the winter in the fireplace.   One way to get free firewood.

We also heard on the news last night that a fire started down in Ventura and the winds are pushing it into a difficult landscape to suppress the fire, two homes lost so far and more are in danger,  I have friends that live down in Ventura I tried calling them this morning but no answer, I hope they are safe.

Poor Belladonna with all the wind, she just snuggles closer to me and shivers, I don't blame her, it can be frightening.

Last night my sister and I were talking about family and she thinks I should post about what we lived through that helped shaped our Gothic outlook on life.  I will but I think I'll do it using the word program and then post here, it will give me time to be sure that my thoughts are focused correctly on what I want to say.

Sometimes talking about things that have happened in one's family can help give perspective as to the shaping in one's life.  One can see the right and wrong turns but one can never see the end.

Must go my Therapist is here.

Later Darklings

Saturday, April 6, 2013

Of Meeting Challenges and having fun~~~~

Hello My Darklings!

I am so proud of myself.  I was able to go up and down the stairs in my home two times this morning!!

And no back twinge either.  Of course I had to take it slowly, my leg muscles are still building up, but I am very proud of myself.

Some sort of step aerobics have been added to my therapy and I've been doing them with these portable steps.  But Darklings I just had to do it!  I had to try.

Doyle senses that I'm getting a bit of cabin fever again so he is planning on taking me to Rasputin's to buy DVD's   I have my list of what we have and my wish list so I'm ready, I'm hoping to find some good Film Noir DVD's, and some classic horror films, but first he's going to take me to lunch. 

I also pleaded with him if we could go to Macy's and Nordstrum's out at the Stoneridge Mall.  I'd prefer to go to the one in San Francisco but until I can walk a distance and use BART and street cars that is out for now.

And he's given in.  Although he's afraid I might over due it so to please him we are taking the wheelchair.

I feel like a school girl getting a treat!  It reminds me of when Mother and I and my sister would go with her to the City on a special shopping expedition.  It was so wonderful and exciting!

And now for a puzzlement....for some reason my blog appears to be popular not only in the U.S. but also in Russia and Germany and ....  this is odd....Kazakhstan? 

Well Hello Russia and Germany, I hope you are enjoying my life ramblings as an Elder/Elderly Goth.

But now I must go, Doyle is ready, the wheelchair is packed, my list is in my purse.   I do plan on posting some things later, of late I've had a question put to me....what is my religious background?  Isn't that interesting.

Later Darklings

Thursday, April 4, 2013

Of Easter and a Time Machine~~~~

Hello My Darklings,

I know I haven't posted for a number of days, but things happened. 

For some reason our phone line became disconnected so Doyle was working with me using our cell phones, finally our neighbors phone to get the line re-connected.   It was an error on the phone company's part, they thought it was the house next to me that had been abandoned by the former owners.

Then with the last major rain storm (although not bad) one of the gutters separated, so had to have that repaired.

Then Doctor appointments, dental appointments (teeth are fine, and body is coming along fine) and all my therapy, time flew by.

Easter, although a bit drizzly, was lovely. 

 Doyle and I went to mass at one of the older Catholic Churches.  He surprised me with a lovely Gardenia corsage, I thought they weren't in season yet, so how he did it I have no idea, but I enjoyed wearing it all day.

Then we went for a drive in my vintage car, we even dressed as if we were from the 1940's, although I did have to use wheel chair a bit because my back wanted to act up. And Belladonna came with us everywhere we went.  Except into church.

We had an early lunch at our favorite restaurant, then Doyle took me to the See's Candy store and bought a 2 pound box of chocolates with soft centers (I do love See's), we drove down Oakland's Broadway, past the Paramount Theatre and the looks from people seeing the old car, so many "thumbs up",  people pulled up along side us to ask what year it was made,  and were surprised to see how we were dressed and the music we were playing.

We drove around Lake Merritt and then up to Piedmont to St. Mary's cemetery, it was too wet to step onto the grass, but I could see my parents graves as Doyle put flowers on them for me.   Then to Alameda and down along Shoreline Drive, it was a bit cloudy to see the San Francisco skyline too well, we then drove back to the old Naval Air Station and admired the U.S.S. Hornet.

Then, before it got too late we went to my favorite antique and vintage shop and I found two pair of shoes from the 1940's that were almost new and fit beautifully.  

Eventually we worked our way back in a loop going down Doolittle Drive and then back along East 14th Street to home, and although sometimes driving along East 14th can be dangerous, the traffic was light and everyone who saw us looked like we had come out of a time machine,  the rain had stopped so we rolled down the windows and because I have a tape deck under the dash, we played Big Band music. 

Doyle has a friend that worked up about a dozen Tapes so that they sound like radio broadcasts with news breaks and music and commercial  announcements from the 1940's. 

The looks on some people's faces when they'd hear our "radio", once person asked us "Which President?"  and I replied "Why President Franklin D. Roosevelt, he's the current president."

The look on the young man's face was priceless,  he acted like he'd seen a ghost!!!   Both Doyle and I loved it.

But then I was getting tired and Doyle saw that I had gone my limit for the Day and we drove home.  Fortunately Doyle had picked up what was going to be our dinner the night before and only had to be warmed up.

I floated the gardenia's in a crystal bowl of water so that it's scent could fill the room and I could admire it for a few more days.  Doyle suggested that I'd look into finding silk gardenia's to make into a permanent corsage, a good idea.

We watched one of our favorite crime drama movies "The Blue Gardenia" with Alan Ladd and then relaxed and read and listened to our favorite CD's until it was time to go to bed, my sister Marie had called and she was doing well and would be coming home the following day.

It was so much fun to "go back in time" even for one day. 

I hope all you Darklings had a wonderful Easter.

I'll post more later.

Later, Darklings