One of the last vehicles that an elder Goth should ride in (with the exception of an ambulance) is a Hearse, unfortunately one is usually not aware that you are riding in a hearse unless you are a spirit or own a classic vintage hearse.
Which brings us to what type of car should an elder Goth drive, Hmmmm well it depends upon one’s pocket book and how strange one wants to be.
Frankly I’d love to own a Hearse, drive it around with a coffin in the back, just to freak out the “Muggles”. But buying, restoring and owning a Hearse is not an easy thing. You have to be a dedicated Hearse owner for such an undertaking.
To quote one Funeral Car owner:
“Having a funeral car is not easy, the hearse car is very big, and so you will have to adjust your self for driving a mini-van size car. It’s also hard to maneuver in u-turns and narrow roads. And it will take a long time to find big enough parking spaces. But you are a hearse driver, the deads can wait.
By driving the most gothic car in the world, you can expect the same remarks as you get from people who don’t like or understand the gothic subculture. Some of them doing it because they think that you are a real funeral driver, other will mock or look at you like a freak. The best way to deal with it is to scare them off. Tell them gothic things, like you love the smell of dead corpse instead the car air freshener, or that you are out for digging graves.
The funniest thing you can ever do is to tell them that you have a PhD = Professional Hearse Driver.”
I like that “PhD= Professional Hearse Driver”. Even a bumper sticker that says “My other car is a Hearse”, I really like that, it suits my perverse sense of humor.
The first thing one has to consider is income; owning a car, any kind of car is not cheap, monthly payments, upkeep, gasoline, insurance, licensing, smogging, cost of parking lots, garaging your vehicle, your own driver’s license. And a Hearse does use up a lot of gasoline.
Even if you buy your car 2nd hand or gently used, you have to take into account all those factors, plus any repairs not mentioned or covered by the previous owner.
I have a friend of mine who purchased 2nd hand a 1991 Camero convertible, it was a bit of a concern for her to buy a car nearly 20 years old, but there was something about it that she liked. The engine had been completely re-built 2 years previously and it had not been driven hard since the re-built, so she had her mechanic check it out from stem to stern, and yes there were a few things to fix, before it would be street legal, it was tested to see if it would pass smog and it would, and it was in need of serious paint and interior work, but her mechanic was comfortable with it.
So she purchased it upon her mechanics say so, she started with all the “things” to make it street legal and to insure it was running perfectly, the next thing she was debating was to have it painted, it was at one time a sort of funky maroon, but she had it taken down to the body, had body work done to it, including chroming the bumpers and such, then she had it painted black, several layers of black with a high gloss finish. (She had to re-register it with the new color), replaced the convertible cloth to black (it was white –more like dingy grey), but then the interior needed some serious thought.
She had the interior painted black with black leather type upholstery, but with the piping done in red, blood red. The carpeting was also in black, as well as the steering wheel and column, the gear shift handled needed to be replaced so she had it done with a chrome skull, the locking buttons were also chrome skulls. For some reason on the back bumper was a trailer hitch, but since she knew she wasn’t going to be towing anything she put a Skull on it with the eyes that light up when the brakes are applied.
Now she could have left the front grill as it was but instead she ordered a custom one made to look like a spider web and in one corner a spider but with the body made into the shape of a skull. By the way my friend is 55 years old, she laughs when she drives her car “The Black Widow” around. Frankly I love it. But her car is for around the local area, she has like me, a more basic car, a black Honda Civic, very dependable and reliable.
Some people would go with a Black BMW, and paint blue flames or put blue, or purple neon lights underneath, but it all depends upon the limitations or restrictions as placed by the local law. Don’t go so over the top that you could get pulled over.
As I said like my friend I do have a dependable black Honda Civic for long drives out of town, only because both she and I can afford to maintain two cars.
What is my Goth Car? I have a 1940 Ford Sedan, all in high gloss black, it’s interior is a very dark grey with maroon piping, I also found a pair of hanging vases that some of the limo cars that were used to transport the family to the cemetery would have had mounted in their interior, that was discontinued in the mid 1950’s so those were a find and I had them installed. The poor thing was a mess when I came across it over 30 years ago, it took 3 years of work and a lot of sacrificing and several 2nd jobs to get her restored. But it was worth it, when I park her I put up a sign that I found in an antique shop that said “Funeral Car”, no one touches it, because it looks incredibly other worldly. And in the vases I’ve put these beautiful fake white orchids that look incredibly real. Some of the looks I’ve gotten are really funny.
I have the original AM radio that works but I installed underneath a small cassette deck that plays tapes of funeral music or Gothic chants, so with a flick of a concealed switch I can go from radio to cassette in an instant.
Years ago I had hoped to be able to get my Grandmother’s car, a 1940 black Buick but she willed that to my brother, who takes very, Very good care of it, he and his wife are members of the Art Deco Society and love to dress up like a gangster and his Moll.
So when I came across the Ford at a price that was a steal I leaped at it.
Now your Goth car or van does not have to be painted Black, it can be the darkest possible blue or purple, even a blood red if you like, one older Goth that I know has her BMW with a white pearlized paint job, it gives the car a very ghostly otherworldly effect, and she has the interior all white, it had to be special ordered and she had the money to have it done. But remember as with any car you want to Goth up it all depends upon what sort of accessories you want to add to it, keeping in mind that it has to be street legal.
One younger Goth person I know has a Dodge panel Van, he fixed up the interior with black upholstery for the two front rider seats, in the back he has a couch that looks like an open coffin that one can sit in like a couch, along with beautiful hanging lights, that he puts candles in when it’s parked, it comes with a gothic style table, and includes a cooler than can run off a battery or portable generator to hold food and chilled white wine. It almost looks like a romantic gypsy caravan in a way; as part of his carry accessories, he has a customized E-Z up to extend the seating area to hold a portable gas bar-b-que if needed, or any extra chairs.
He uses it mostly for outdoor gatherings, like star gazing especially when the meteor showers are active in the sky. But sometimes he goes to outdoor pagan events and sets it up with the E-Z up tent and does tarot readings.
It’s painted Black but he has an image of a castle in the moonlight painted on one side and a mini-stain glass window mounted on the inside of his side door.
I have to admit that it’s hard to describe, one would have to see it to enjoy its sensuous interior.
Then we have to consider cars that were driven by the Munsters, I know there were two of them. Also we need to throw in Elvira’s convertible and the Batmobile and the Green Hornets’ Car and also the possessed car from that horrible horror film “The Car” (I mean the film was terrible but the car was just thrilling).
Here are some links for Gothmobiles, they are mostly in the UK but it will give you an idea: www.lavenderpillow.co.uk/Goth_Motors.html/ and www.gothiclimousines.co.uk If nothing else it will give you ideas of what you can do.
For Hearse Clubs we have our original Grim Rides at www.grimrides.com and the Hearse Club www.hearseclub.com and well as www.phantomcoaches.org/
I’m going to put these several links on my side bar for you to easily find, just to give you Darklings some idea of how much you want to “Hearse or Goth Your Ride”.