Of The Days after Christmas~~~~

And all through the house, hardly a creature was stirring, except for a weiner dog with his new toy mouse.

Hello Darklings,

After the sunny days of Christmas today has brought in gray overcast, making any lighting in the house seem warm and cheerful.

Doyle, Louise, Brian and I spent Christmas Day at my Brother and Sister-in-law's house and she served a wonderful feast.  Turkey and stuffing, yams with melted marshmallows, brocolliie with cheese sauce, cranberry sauce and chicken gravy, roasted small new potatoes with butter melted on top, green beans served amondine,  fresh baked rolls, butter, olives and sweet pickles for garnishes, baked butternut squash,  followed for a later desserts a choice of Apple, Dutch apple crumb, peach, and pecan pie with or without ice cream (vanilla),  coffee or spiced tea, sparkling apple cider or hot spiced cider, and for the adults wine either white or red.

My Sister in laws stove was put to a heavy duty test and with two microwaves to re-heat anything that got too cool, and there were plenty of guests, besides my little party and my brother's family there was my sister in laws Mother, her aunt and her husband, a neighbor and his wife and their children, which made for a very busy and noisy household,  but my sister-in-law had it all carefully planned and laid out, having taken some lessons from me.

I was happy to hear from my Sister before we left to go to my brother's place, she was enjoying being with her family in Sacramento and enjoying the grandchildren, her latest one now just over a year old was born on Halloween over a year ago, which should make for a fun birthday party time as she gets older.  And her other younger daughter is getting married, this coming June----I pray it will not be a "bridezilla" situation, and her older daughter and son-in-law are in the process of buying a house in the Sacramento area, the one they are in is rental and they've had enough, as I was told the time was right, the price was right, the house although needing work (a 1912 Craftman) has lovely bones, the location is right, and the terms are right.   I couldn't be happier for them, and the deal should be finalized by New Year's Eve.  And her oldest son and his wife and family are transferring back to California, where he will finish out his 20 year hitch in the military.  What a way to start the new Year!

I was happy to convey that news to my brother and family.   Celebrations will become very interesting in the future.

It was good to spend time with my brother and his family, my sister in law banished video games and loud music,  no televison,  just conversation and board games with an occasion nibbling on the left overs,  no gift exchanges were done then, what we did was give our gifts to my brother just after the  party I had so the children could open them either Christmas Eve or Christmass morning,  except the children wanted to give Belladonna and Weiner Dog gifts who came with us,  new sweaters and chew toys, the squeeky mouse Weiner just pounced upon and squeek and squeek,  some times he'll come up silently behind someone and then squeek his mouse when we least expect it, making us jump.  Who says dogs don't know how to pull a trick on their humans?

 Then it was late and time to go home, Coralline came with us as she is spending the week between Christmas and New Years with Doyle and I, I told her that it might be a bit dull for her but she said she didn't mind, her homework was done she just needed to do a reading assignment, and as soon as we got home the first thing she said as we walked into my house was "Hello you wonderful Old House!"  and did a little pioret in the entrace foyer, Doyle and I looked at each other and sort of nodded about her greeting.

Doyle is going to visit his family in San Diego after the New Years holiday, his assignments kept him in our local area, which he is happy to finish up. 

Coralline and her friend Marissa go back and forth between our homes, they take the dogs for a walk as long as either Doyle, myself or Marissa's older brother is with them.  Although our street is realitivly safe, one never knows. 

They've made a friend of a young boy on the block Christian, but he prefers to be called Chris, he's the same age as Coralline I would have thought he'd be into video games like most boys his age or like Coralline's siblings but his parents are very strict on such things, they don't mind using the computer for e-mail and researching things but things like X-box and video games are not allowed, he's home schooled by his Mother but having interaction with Coralline and Marissa is good, and his parents plan on school type outings with other home schooled children, there are a few home schooled children but not many and to make friends with children on our block is important. 

Marissa's parents introduced me to Chris's parents and I invited them over for coffee,  so we'd get to know each other, I was afraid they'd be ultra Christian or fundamentalists but no, they wanted their son to have a certain educational advantage, he will be going into a private school after next summer so he can aquire what credits he needs to go into college.   He is a bright young boy and very gentle with the dogs.

As a matter of fact Chris's parents were a little afraid of me, I mean who else would rent a hearse with an antimated coffin with a vampire rising out of it to put in front of one's house for Halloween, and of course the Grim Reaper in front with fog rising and to be greeted at the front door by a female vampire with fangs could for some be a little heart stopping.  I took them on a tour of my home, and I think they expected a live lion to come walking down the stairs or the stair treads rising and them meeting "Spot".  

Once I explained myself as best as I could to Chris' folks they relaxed a little,  although I was glad that Coralline and Marissa didn't get dressed in black dresses, part their hair in the center and have long braids and carry headless dollies,  that might have put them off.  Of course it was hard explaining why I had a guilotine in the basement storage area, just off the laundry room, I told them I was storing it for a friend of mine until it could be moved.  Yes Darklings---I have a guilotine in my basement----temporarily. 

I've got plans for us for New Years, there is this place that will be open which will be perfect for fun family entertainment and Coralline has not been there, I ran it by both Marissa's and Chris's parents and they liked the idea although we'd go in our own individual cars incase any of the children became too sleepy and anyone needs to leave early.    Marissa's folks will have dinner at their house and we'll all meet and eat there and then we'd re-group at the location.

But New Year's Day will be a lazy day, sleep in, then go out to have breakfast, I'm not sure what else,  its sort of a feeling of having left an enchanted land of fun and wonder when the Christmas Holidays are over,  and the internal fear that if you leave it you can never capture it again. 

Unfortunately time marches on, the weather conditions change things get warmer, green leaves pop out, snow melts, for adults it's facing the bills to be paid, going to work, dealing with transportation and all the problems that develop.  The child-like wonder slips away like a dream that one can just barely remember.

Come the Day closest to 3 Kings Day will be time to take down the Christmas decorations, the live root ball trees will be donated to be planted in some forest or park,  the live no-longer cut trees will be put out onto the curb to be collected by the Boy Scouts or other group to be made into mulch for plantings.  The decorations will be carefully boxed up and stored away in their various areas the attic, basement, shed or garage, photo's from the holidays developed and hopefully labeled and put into albums, the Christmas card list gone over to check for updated addresses,  and resolutions to lose weight because our clothing is a little tighter.

There is a child's amusment park here in the East Bay called "Children's Fairyland"  it was built in 1950 as a family amusement park geared towards little children and was the inspiration for Walt Disney's Disneyland.  But this is a gentler amusment park with all the storybook characters like the old woman in the shoe, Mother Goose, the three little pigs, Alice in Wonderland, the reluctant dragon, Hickory Dickory Dock, and other Mother Goose tales.

But they have a policy no adult can enter without a child to accompany them, just adults without children are banished from this fairyland,  when I've taken walks around there with Doyle I've often looked at the entrance with longing, remembering the times when I and my younger siblings visited there with our parents.

And now slowly the magic of the Holiday season is slipping by, leaving us behind, the fairytale memories becoming dreams.  

It's like that last line in the song "Toyland"  'once you've crossed its borders you can never go back again'.

***sigh***

And now Weiner Dog has startled me with his squeeky mouse,  Hmmm nothing like a dog to bring one down to earth.

Later Darklings

Of Religion and same names~~~~

Hello My Darklings,
WARNING---this is a very, very long post. Please take your time to read it.

I’ve had several questions asked of me, and one of them is about clarification, the other about religion.

I’ve mentioned Monica, a young artist friend of mine and Monica in relation to Coralline. Indeed they are two separate people, the second Monica is Coralline’s Mother, the first is a friend.

As a matter of fact I have co-workers, acquaintances, friends and family members with the same first name, one name in particular is most frequent and that is “David”. To distinguish each one I’ve had to use either a last name, especially among co-workers (I have 3 David’s’ where I work) and among friends and family for a total of 8 David’s’. Can you imagine the confusion that arises with that many David’s? For a period of time it was the name Michael, I knew 10 of them, but that has since over the years settled down to just 6.

Mary was another name; I knew 3 Mary’s so I’d use a last initial or their middle name if I happen to know it.

Even in my address book (hard copy and computer copy) I’ve had to put in where I know them or what type of relationship; with cousins I know some 2nd and 3rd cousins that I’m friendly with again with the same first name or in some cases same first and last name, so I’d have to throw in their middle name. And there is one case where I have a Junior and a Senior, so I have to use the first name followed by Jr or Sr.

It is a miracle my eyes don’t cross when I think about this. And I am also amazed at how quickly my brain processes this information.

The other question that has been put to me, and very respectfully I might add, is my religious beliefs or affiliation.



In very simple terms I am Roman Catholic. But I received my Catechism training as a Pre-Vatican Two Catholic, very old style, Latin Mass traditional training. I even have my little book that has the blue and gold stars showing how well I progressed. “Who Made Me? --- God Made Me.”



Now a days there is a schism within the Catholic Church, there are those who are Pro-Vatican Two and there are those that have broken away from that and are Traditional Catholics, Pre-Vatican Two.



Myself I am a mixture, I prefer the old way of conducting Mass in Latin with the Priest with his back to the congregation focusing on the rites of the mass. Even Joseph Campbell said that when the church changed the focus of conducting the ritual it changed the energy of the mass instead of it being focused and upward it became scattered, confused and defused. And I agree whole heartedly with that.



The altar that contains the sacred relics and the tabernacle holding the host is behind the priest and has ceased to be the focus of energy for the people worshiping. The chanting of the mass in Latin has a rhythm that carries the energy forward and upward and could be followed in one’s prayer book.



However, I do believe that having gays in the church and women priests as well as married priests especially those who have left the Anglican or Episcopal Church and converted to Catholicism would be a great step forward. And I deplore how the church attempted its cover up of those pedophile priests. I do believe in contraception for women as well as a woman’s right to choose especially if her life is in danger, the only people that should be involved is the woman, and her medical physician, no one, not an individual person, a religious organization, a political organization or a government should be involved.



I also feel that the Modern Catholic Church has gotten a little too free-wheeling in some areas, ritual is very helpful in dealing with things in life, there is something solid feeling about ritual, and once it gets too free-wheeling it seems to knock out the underpinnings in a person. That is something I have noticed, especially among young people, the foundation of one’s soul gets shredded without ritual and foundation.



I do feel that the individual’s right to cremation or to in anyway save on funeral costs I think is good. But I do prefer the old-fashion rosary, even at the memorial service, but some people I know are not comfortable with that and many people have friends and co-workers who are of different religious beliefs and so will modify the service, which is fine.



Although I do feel that the addition of the “Mysteries of Light” to the Rosary is an excellent addition.



When I pass on, it will be an old-fashion funeral service, flowers optional, donations to a worthy charity highly preferred. I do have moneys set aside for that and my burial plot and head stone are all picked out. As a matter of fact my head stone is black granite and although expensive it will have a picture of me when I was looking my best, I have that picked out as well. I plan to have it say besides my name and date of birth and death, the statement “I will return!” meaning I plan to re-incarnate.



When I was entered as a young child into the rites of the Catholic Church it was baptism, penance, communion, confirmation, then the choice of marriage or holy orders, and extreme unction or last rites now called rites of the sick. Now they have switched the order between communion and confirmation which I find a bit disconcerting.



Baptism at birth is fine or if one decides to convert, penance is usually done with “first holy confession” at age 7 because at that age it was thought that most children will understand right from wrong, what is and what isn’t a sin so they can follow the right path, but then also at that age you were invited to join “the Lords’ Table” that is communion and to take part in the mass because at 7 to 8 you are beginning to understand what is needed from you and also to continue your religious education and training in the Church to fully understand one’s commitment to it, then by age 13 to 14 to take confirmation which as I was taught, meant you recommitted yourself to the church to become a “solider for Christ” to do by good acts and good deeds show others the way to the right path of love, compassion, healing and to God’s light.



I remember the priest saying to us “Once you take that commitment of Confirmation there is no going back, your soul is pledged to do good in thought, word and deed and to show others by your actions the way to God’s love and light.”



Pretty heady, frightening and yet beautiful when you think about it.



Now they call penance or confession as the rite of reconciliation, well I can see that in a way but more for after you have been “accepted to the Lords’ table”, but I remember how important it was for me to do my first confession so that I’d be starting my religious training and acceptance to the Lord’s table with a clean slate.



But I do have to say in the past number of years, my slate has gotten pretty dirty from time to time. I mean how do you tell a priest that you had intimate relations for the first time outside of marriage, I mean I was not married. I have to laugh, I remember the priest asking if pre-cautions were taken to not transmit any disease, not pregnancy but disease. I guess that prevented him from condemning me as a wanton woman, well I knew my health education and I knew what precautions to take, and I said “yes” and he said “Good, but remember my child, your body is a temple to God and you must not abuse or defile that temple” he told me what my penance was and added an interesting rider which was to volunteer for a month at a home for unwed mother’s.



I did, yes, my Darklings I did, why? Because I was curious and I also felt that I would be cheating if I didn’t. This home was run by some nuns, and they did everything to help these young girls some as young at 14, and to work out some reconciliation with their parents or to see about adopting their baby to a childless family. They also did counseling especially if the young mothers were giving the child up for adoption and also to find the root of why they did pre-marital sex and to give them guide lines to be morally stronger. I volunteered for 6 months. Why for so long? Well I was taking psychology classes as well in college, so it was a plausible excuse to my parents.



Who was my first love? Not a callow boy, nor a much older man, no not that, and heavens! NOT a Teacher, I was aware of those schoolish traps. No, he came into my life and even now I think of him with fondness. And now?? Well I never did marry, came close, but never did marry and now I’m “living in sin” with Doyle but at our ages and in these times who cares as long as we have a personal commitment to each other.



And Yes, My Darklings how do I, an Elder/Elderly Goth who is into the “dark side” show the way to the light? For me by piercing the darkness, by looking into it and lighting that one candle to understand the evil within it and to dispel it is how I lead to the light, but at night, in those areas where I can look up into the night sky and see the milky way, into the star lit heavens do I understand the greatness of this creation, and although I feel very small, like one of those tiny pin-pricks of light, I do shine in my own way and therefore am seen by the Creator.



The rituals of the rosary, the stations of the cross, the Easter Sunrise service, even the Easter Midnight Service with the lighting of the Paschal Candle, the burning of the old palms for next years Ash Wednesday, the Christmas Midnight mass, the blessing of the throat on St. Blaise Day, Ash Wednesday service, Palm Sunday, Lent, fasting, confession (when we need it), Novena’s, blessings at meal times and other things help give construction to one’s day, are really very important, the trick though is to do it without making a show of it.



But I am also a Gnostic as well, I’ve found that its best to look into the good parts of the Catholic Faith and take that to heart, that which is dogmatic or seems to have been tainted by Man’s greed one can leave behind, I’ve also looked at Buddhism, had some of my early old testament teachings from an elderly Jewish Rabbi who was more than happy to do comparisons without saying which was better, between the Jewish view of the old testament and the Catholic or Christian look at the same book. I’ve been to Spiritualist Churches as well, my Grandmother knew a man who was a “Satanist” and under her watchful eye he talked to me about his being one, and in my college years talked to a young man of the Islamic faith as well as Native American Shamans.



When I was a child my Mother and Grandmother loved to watch Bishop Fulton J. Sheen talk on his television program “Life is Worth Living”, his talks made so much sense and for its day were very balanced. I remember especially one talk on how it was important to have Mind, Body and Soul in harmony. Even today when I go to a book sale or 2nd hand book store I look for his works to add to my library.



My Grandmother and my parents were Catholic but they were also Gnostic as well, I think because of that it has given me a more balance out look on life. Not only on my personal library shelves do I have a Rehims-Douay Catholic Bible, but also a King James, a number of books by Bishop Sheen, and other Christian and Catholic writers, I also have works on Jewish studies, a copy of the Koran as well a commentaries on it, works on Wicca and witchcraft, Joseph Campbell’s books, the Kabbalah, as well as Nitchez (I don’t think I spelled his name right) Freud, the paranormal and others including the ramblings of Anton LaVey. It is a very eclectic and wide spread.



But as I got older even with my Catholic/Gnostic studies I found that ritual has helped give foundation and structure to my life, without impinging upon it or on anyone else’s.



For Example:

At work at lunch, I’ll lay out my meal, and then take a few seconds to silently offer grace, but to someone watching me, it looks like I’ve taken a few seconds to relax before I start eating which is really a good habit to get into.



When I ride the bus and Bart to work, I have a small bracelet on my wrist, it has a religious medal on it and 14 beads, 10 for the Hail Mary, 1 Our Father, and 3 for Faith, Hope and Charity, by simply crossing my hands and fingering the bracelet I do a decade of the rosary. At work they know that at times I need a little time to myself, so if they see me sitting at my desk but my head is down and I’m not doing anything they leave me alone, I tell them I need some mental alone time to collect my thoughts, they respect that.

I do it at commute time going to work, at noon, at about 3 p.m., and commuting when I go home, and after dinner, I’ll sit down and do a full rosary silently to not disturb Doyle while he reads his magazine, we’ve found that if we watch the news around 9 p.m. (there are stations that do that) and record whatever program is on at that time that we’d like to watch later it balances our day much better.



At home next to the front door, my Great Aunt had hung a small fount to hold holy water, I bless myself when I leave for the day and when I return, to protect and release what that the day may have thrown at me. It feels refreshing.



Does my sister Marie do that? We’ll I know she blesses herself when she leaves and comes home and she does the rosary privately, anything else I do not question.



I have always felt that religion is something that is private between one’s self and God and should not be a public demonstration; there is a parable in the New Testament that speaks of that.



My brother and his wife, they are Catholic, how well do they work at their Catholicism I don’t know but I’m sure they go to church several times a year, if there is no game the boys need to go to that morning, Coralline has asked me questions but I always ask her Mother how far should I go into this, not wishing to tread on toes.



Doyle? He believes in his own way, I’ve seen him bless himself, but I don’t push anything further.



How often do I go to Church? Well as a child and all through my College years I went every Sunday, then I had these work hours that required me to work nights, when the Church started offering Saturday vigil Mass I considered that a blessing, which was a compromise between myself and my parents although I’d make efforts to join them for Mass on Sundays as often as possible, my Mother would go with me to Saturday vigil mass and then she’d go again on Sunday with Dad and my siblings. Not until after my parents passed away did I reduce my attendance. The church that I went with my parents towards the end of their lives had changed too much, so much so that I felt like a stranger in it.



When I was a child and through High School, I would go with my parents, Grandmother and my Uncle Manuel to St. Elizabeth’s, it was a wonderful Church in the Grand old-fashion Catholic Style. It had these wonderful life-size statutes of the saints in one room, it turned out that this room was where the choir would gather before High Mass, and then they’d take these stairs that led to the choir loft where the great organ was housed. There was St. Anthony, St. Theresa, St. Elizabeth, St. Clare, The Holy Mother as a Pieta holding her crucified son in her arms, but above that statue was a stain glass window that showed the risen Christ, and how the layout of the church was that window would capture the sun’s arc all day so it would always be lit.



In the main church, on the left was the statue of Mary and on the right of St. Joseph, but there was also ¾’s size depiction of the crucifixion, I do not remember if it was only brought out on Good Friday or if it was semi-permanent during Lent, but I do remember it always being there. And the pulpit where the sermon was given there was this curved shell with the painting of the Holy Spirit in the image of a Dove mounted above, to a child and young person it was very moving and impressionable and very Gothic.



But after my Grandmother and then my Uncle died, after I had graduated from college and started working, we stopped going there, my Dad said the neighborhood was changing and not for the better he felt, so we started going to St. Jarlath’s and other churches but it was not the same. In my mind I can still see St. Elizabeth’s soaring interior. It was more Gothic than St. Jarlath’s. We eventually settled on a Church in Alameda, although a little bit of a distance, our parents felt a lot better about it and its location.



One thing that I discovered about young people and it was Coralline who enlightened me about this, is that the young people are really not given the mystical reasons for why some things are done, and the mystical/spiritual reasoning behind it. It’s just simply done and “we’ve always done it this way” but when I explain to Coralline the “history” behind these various things and the spiritual implications, she always exclaims “Why don’t they (meaning her teachers) explain that to us?! When you tell it, it makes sense!”

And it also re-affirms her religious convictions. And that amazes me, her sitting at my feet while I explain things to her.



Then one day I was going through my collection of Memento Mori cards and came across two of them one of Good St. Anne teaching Mary and the other of Jesus and the children and my mind flashed back to the conversations Coralline and I have and I found myself smiling.



Maybe that is why so many young people leave the church, we don’t go into the mysticism and spiritualism behind it, maybe we feel they are too young to understand it, but if Coralline who is now 11 years old can understand it, so can others. I feel that Bible study should also include the spiritual reasons why we do certain rituals; why does this have a certain meaning, and I do believe it would not be lost on young people perhaps make them more committed to their faith.



I feel that is what the church is now losing out on and may be they should bring back the old-fashioned Mass in its full glory, I think that Bible studies should be expanded to include what I suggested above especially if they are not doing it now, I think that everyone should watch Joseph Campbell’s “Power of Myth” even if Campbell was prejudice on some areas, his understanding of the important of Myth and Meaning in the shaping of one’s spiritual life is very important. I think all of that would make such a spiritual impression upon young people.



I do believe that if one can take the time to explain things to a young person they will not fall away from the faith they grew up in but learn from it and grow stronger but one needs to take the time to do that. I believe that many young people become disenchanted with the faith of their childhood and convert most frightenly to either a suicidal cult or Islam, because I learned from an experience I had that if you convert to Islam you cannot be Gnostic and I feel that cuts you off from all life’s experiences.



It is the young minds that need to be formed and educated into a good moral life without dogmatism. That was the problem I had with a young man during my college years, who was of the Islamic Faith, he claimed to have fallen in love with me but I informed him I was not in love with him but I did enjoy our discussions, but then after a few months, our discussions turned to him trying to convert me to show me that Allah was powerful and I said God has many names and is worshiped in many ways, the only laws we need to follow is to Love thy neighbor as one would love thyself, which means have respect for people’s differences without forcing things down their throats. That seemed to irritate him so I began watching his personality and behavior.



He then came back as how Islam was a peaceful religion, and I said not as long as people in those countries still practice tribal beliefs, I told him further Catholism and other religions are peaceful religions as long as nothing is forced upon one another, in many ways it has changed over the centuries, even if it is changing slowly it must change to grow with the understanding that society changes, if a religion doesn’t do that and is dogmatic then it is not faith but fear the keeps people on their knees. And I’ve seen too many cults do that.



I had gone to an interfaith worship service a few days before and had invited him to come with me but he strongly refused saying it would taint him. I brought that up to him later asking him how could something Interfaith taint him and he said I was mistaken, that is when I mentally confirmed the two-facedness of this situation and of him, as my parents had no problem with the interfaith service and even asked me about it.



I stopped meeting him for discussions, until one day he confronted me Demanding why I refused to meet him, I replied because he was trying to force conversion down my throat and I deeply resented that.



He claimed he was not doing that and I said he was by trying to trick me with flattery and now demands, he rebutted this but I insisted that was his method pointing out certain arguments and discussions that we had recently, I told him God awakens one’s mind and soul with an epiphany not with a verbal whip.



He became so angry he started calling me “Satan’s Whore” and I started to laugh and laugh loud. He demanded to know why was I laughing and I said “You and your beliefs are very weak if you have to resort to name calling. I laugh because I am strong and I will not surrender my will to someone who thinks they can flatter me or frighten me---Now Leave Me and Never SPEAK to me again!!!” I was glad that I took precautions and had maneuvered ourselves into a public area with people around us to hear this argument. He never approached me again.



Get thee behind me Satan----He transferred from the college we were attending to another, and soon afterwards I encountered a young man who thought he was a Satanist, if you look back on my earlier posts you will find that encounter and the results.



After that as I became older and wiser, I felt that my faith as I have learned it led me to many different religious encounters, including wicca and witchcraft, Ifa, Santeria and Voodoo as well as ghost hunting, all of that was interesting experiences. And I learned the Dark side through those experiences as well.



Now I’m over 60 and in a way I’ve come home, oh not with so much of the organized religion but the faith in God, Jesus, Holy Mother Mary, St. Joseph, Good St. Anne, they remain touchstones and foundations and teachers for me. I still go to church at least once a month although with the back injuries it’s been hard.



Easter was the first time since the accident, and I found something very joyous, renewing and life affirming in the Mass. I also encountered a number of people I had not seen in a long time and it was wonderful to re-connect.



I encourage all people young and old to go to the Midnight Masses, Sunrise Masses especially for those major holidays, even do the Stations of the Cross, study the meanings behind the Mysteries of the Rosary, in many ways they are both Gothic and Goth, dealing with Life and Death and Resurrection. And if you can find a wonderfully old Gothic style Church it can give a greater appeal to it



But my Darklings, I find God in everything, if it’s raining I watch the rain and what it does, the wind, the clouds, I look up at the sky at night and admire the moon and stars, I take pleasure in hearing the birds, and watching the insects like the few bees and butterflies, even the sassiness of the squirrels, Belladonna’s forays on our walks, watching the Koi swimming in the pond with their graceful beauty, watching children play and laugh, looking at the majesty of the trees, and the beauty of the flowers, the ocean shore. They become my everyday church and communion with God each and every day and I am at peace and free.


I’ll continue this later, especially about funeral rituals and memento mori and my encounters with Anton LeVey and Jim Jones. Yes Darklings I met them, ooooh the 1970’s was an interesting time.

Later Darklings

Of Tragedies, Pain, Tears and Friends~~~~

Dear Darklings,



This I fear is going to be a very long post.



As I’ve said it appears that I have lived a romantic life, but I have to admit that I have to work at it. Even with all the dirt and filth, the obscenities, the horrors and insanity that surround me, the crassness and commercialism that well up like unthinking bedbugs, I have to work at having things beautiful, graceful, elegant and romantic even if I am an elder/elderly Goth.



It’s not being in denial, it’s looking past all that and trying to bring beauty even dark beauty into one’s life, one doesn’t have to buy new things to do that either, finds at yard and estate sales, 2nd hand shops, thrift stores, flea markets, with thought and ingenuity it is amazing what one can bring into one’s life and it’s not just things but an outlook and an attitude.



In my childhood I never thought of us as being poor, Dad had a “white collar job” and it paid a decent salary, but we were lower middle income, it was hard to save for a vacation, we rarely took one, any money saved would be for repairs or a sudden medical expense or a special purchase, we made do with things, learning to sew our clothes, buying day old bread, plant cuttings and seeds for flowers or to grow vegetables, making do and finding fun, free fun, purchasing cheap cuts of meat for stews, there were lots of mac and cheese, sometimes with ground round, sometimes with tuna, but we never thought of ourselves as really poor.



Christmas meant we would take the bus and see the stores all in their Christmas finery and seeing Santa, I remember how some of the stores would have these marvelous full human size displays that had sound and motion, each showing a scene that had humor, and us looking to find all the little details in the displays, we each got one toy from Santa and something nice from Mom and Dad and See’s candy from Grandma, for Halloween we made our own costumes and the pumpkins carved for Halloween became pumpkin pies for Thanksgiving.



For our birthdays Mom always baked a cake, Dad would buy ice cream, crepe paper streamers and my sister and I made hand written invitations to give to our school mates, but Mom would always write a little note to the parents inside saying “no presents please, just come and have cake and ice cream” because a lot of our school mates were from working families like ours trying to make ends meet.



Mom always managed to save some money and buy for my sister and I a special party dress, it had to last until we out-grew it and we had to keep it neat and clean. When we’d out grow our party dresses Mother would donate them all nice and neat on hangers to a local charity.



I remember one time I saw a little girl whose folks were really hard up but managed to make do, wearing my old party dress and she looked very happy, I went up to her and said “What a pretty dress, it looks pretty on you” and the little girl smiled and said “My Daddy bought it for me for my birthday” Mother and Dad taught us to always be polite and nice, but because of things that happened in my life I could see how hard it was for some people and simple things like a 2nd hand party dress could make a little girl happy.



One year Mother bought one for me that I didn’t like, it was very pretty and I loved the look of it but it was made of nylon and always scratched me around the sleeves, but I didn’t tell Mom I didn’t care for it, because my best friend Betty had one just like it but in a different color, hers was a pale blue with dark blue flowers and mine was pale pink with dark pink flowers and we were happy that we had similar dresses, so that was enough for me to tolerate the scratchiness.



Betty was a pretty and very happy girl, with blue eyes and blond hair, she was a little shorter than me and her hair was always in curls, my hair was dark, straight and in pig tails and I was taller than her, but I always felt gawky next to her because she moved with such grace. Betty had taken ballet lessons and said that if I took ballet lessons I could become graceful like her.



I remember pleading with Mother and Dad about the lessons but they weren’t sure we could afford them at the time. My sister who was a few years younger wanted to take lessons too but again money was an issue, I told Betty that there wasn’t any money for the lessons but Betty came up with an idea, once a week I would go over to Betty’s house and she’d show me what she learned in her class and taught it to me, even speaking like her ballet teacher. Plies, stretches, the foot positions, pirouettes, how to hold my arms and hands and we’d practice and dance, we must have worn out those old records, even today I think how patient Betty’s Mom must have been with our personal ballet lessons.



We were both 8 years old when she started teaching me, and we became best friends, sharing secrets, talking about books and boys and teachers and things, walking to school together, playing together, doing homework together, and after a while I noticed that I moved more gracefully, even my Grandma remarked on it.



Betty was just a month older than me, her birthday came in the early part of February and mine in the latter part of March.



I remember when my Grandfather died, I was sad that he was gone, however I always felt that in some way he was always around.



In Betty’s case that was my first dark tragedy and it marked me for the rest of my life. It was her 10th birthday, it was a very unseasonably cold day, Betty’s Dad set up some electric space heaters that had thick coils in them, to help warm up the house, their floor heater they had was working over time but the house never seemed warm enough, I remember a few days before the party Betty’s Dad talking to my Dad saying that they are going to have to insulate their house to make it warm but they’d have to take out a loan. Dad said that we were going to have to do the same thing.



I remember the bars over the coils of those space heaters were wide apart, they made me feel uneasy and I made sure I stayed away from them. Betty’s Dad had borrowed them from someone for the party, to help warm the house.



I remember saying to Betty “You’re 10 now but I’ll catch up to you next month at my Birthday party” Betty said to me “We’ll be 10 together” and hugged me. I remember Betty got a birthday present from her parents, it was a gold heart on a chain with her first name engraved on it, ‘Elizabeth’ on the front and on the back the date of her birth. Betty said to me that I was going to have a surprise on my birthday but she couldn’t tell me. I remember begging her to tell me but she said she promised my Mother she wouldn’t. “Some secrets have to be very special” she said. To this day I remember her saying that to me.



Betty’s Mother had a couple of ladies over to help out with the party, they were setting up the chairs so we could have the cake and ice cream, even if it was very cold outside we always wanted ice cream, one of the other ladies had us do party games, like “pin the tale on the donkey”, or “telegraph”, for some reason we were doing “blind man’s bluff”, the whole idea was to have the blindfolded person in the center and then each of us would quickly run up to that person touch them on the shoulder or arm and then dart away, but if the blindfolded person caught you then you were next.



I remember there were about 10 children there; because it was so cold some of the others couldn’t come to the party but for indoors it was enough people, we’d be moving around quickly darting in and out while playing this game. The boy who was blind folded got really close to Betty, she backed up as far as she could, so he caught another boy and just as they were about to put the blind fold on the other child Betty screamed.



She had backed into one of the electric heaters and she was wearing that pretty nylon dress in pale blue since she was the birthday girl, her dress caught on fire, the next thing we knew she was a pillar of flame, screaming and running, the children started to scream and run too, but I remember standing there frozen, my best friend was on fire and I was frozen I couldn’t move even to help her, everything seemed to be in slow motion.



Just then Betty’s Dad came running from the other room, threw Betty on the floor and tried to smother the flames with his coat, it was hard, the nylon kept burning and burning, it melted onto her skin making her skin bubble up and turn black.



One of the ladies gathered the children and put us into a bedroom away from what was happening, Betty’s mother was screaming, I remember another lady grabbing me by the arm saying “No! Don’t look!” but I did. Betty looked like a burnt match, I can’t describe how horrible it was.



I found myself in the bedroom with the other children, a lady was putting our coats on, we were all crying I kept running to the bedroom door crying for Betty and the lady roughly grabbed me time and again, later Mom discovered the bruises on my arm, I told her days later how the lady would grab me to keep me in the bedroom but Mom said the lady did the right thing.



Someone had called our parents, I knew my Mother couldn’t come and get me because my sister was sick with a cold and I had been brought by another parent.



After what seemed like a long time I heard my Uncle Mannie’s voice, he was in his work clothes, I ran to him and he picked me up in one swoop, I remember he smelled of wood because he was a carpenter, he came in his work truck, and left it running so it would be warm and took me home, I saw fire trucks and an ambulance, I could hear children and women crying.



We got to my parent’s house and Uncle Mannie carried me inside, I cried all the way home, my Grandmother was there and it appeared that someone had called my Mother and told her what had happened. I was screaming and crying, just hysterical from the fear and horror that I saw, my Mother undressed me and put me to bed but I wouldn’t let go of her and kept telling her what had happened I remember screaming that it would happen to me.



Dad came home just as the doctor arrived, and between my Mother, Grandmother and Dad they held me down as the Doctor gave me an injection to put me to sleep, the last thing I remember was screaming “I’ll never have another Best Friend again!!!”



I woke up two days later and felt numb, my sister was sitting in the little blue rocking chair next to my bed and had been reading a child’s picture book, she looked up at me with a serious face and said “Betty’s dead.”



All I could do was gather the thick warm comforter around me, I couldn’t talk. My sister, who was feeling better from her cold, told me how my parents, Granny and Uncle Mannie took care of me, and how the Doctor would come by in the evening to check on me.



Uncle Mannie was a widower and sometimes stayed with Grandma when his work brought him close to our town. He never married again and would send extra money to Grandma if she needed it. My sister and I loved him because he’d always would fix our dolls or repaired our doll house when our younger brother would break them (that was another reason we always plotted his demise). He even made furniture for our doll house and for us to use as well. I still have my little red chair that he made for me.



But Betty was gone, nothing could bring her back, for a week I didn’t go to school, my older brother (I’ll talk about him later, that was another tragedy) would bring my home work assignments to me. I wasn’t the only one out of school the other children who were at the party, stayed home as well, one of them, a little girl never did go back.



I hardly got out to bed, I was so afraid of leaving my room, Mom and Dad didn’t force me. My sister would come into my room to play card games or we’d do puzzles she’d talk but I barely spoke. One day she told me that Mom took my pink nylon party dress, cut it up and threw it away, my sister told me that Mom and Dad had heard more about what had happened, the space heaters were not safe because of how they were made and Betty’s nylon dress was highly flammable, of course my sister had a hard time saying the world ‘flammable’, she pronounced it ‘flame able’. Finally several days later Mom talked to me privately in my room.



She talked to me for a long time about Death and how horrible it can be and what I saw is something I’d never forget, and that I’ll always be sad whenever I’d think of Betty, but she told me that Betty wouldn’t want me to be sad, while I was sick in bed, they had Betty’s funeral and Mom and Dad went to it. Betty’s parents came up to them and said that they wanted to pay for my ballet lessons for a year, it was something Betty had pleaded with them and since Betty’s Dad made more money he agreed to it.



That was the Birthday surprise that Mom was going to tell me, and one other thing, Mom had bought a heart pendant on a chair exactly like Betty’s only my name was engraved on the front with my birthday on the back, that day Mom gave it to me, instead of my birthday. Then Mom asked me “What do you think Betty would want you to do?” and I knew, I was to get out of bed, go back to school, take my ballet lessons and do my best in everything.



Mom said to me that some day I’ll have another Best Friend, but I told her “No I won’t, it hurts to have a best friend.” And for years I never did, I’d have friends but I always kept a certain emotional distance.



Betty’s parents some months later moved away, but they did pay for a full year of ballet lessons from Miss Rose Ellison’s Ballet School, I never did dance in any of the recitals we couldn’t afford the cost of the costumes, but it went much longer than a year, I took lessons until I went to college.



When I was little I saved bottles and getting a nickel for each bottle and each week after that first year I’d pay Miss Ellison, what I didn’t know is that the lessons cost far more than my bottle money, but Miss Ellison let me stay, as I got older I’d baby sit and would pay for the lessons with my baby-sitting money. Some years later after Miss Ellison had retired she told me that when I was practicing and dancing in the classes I’d seem happy and she was right I was happy because sometimes I thought I was dancing with Betty.



But I never did have a 10th birthday party, not with my school mates, as a matter of fact I never had a children’s party ever again, Mom and Dad would do a small party with some family members but never a children’s party, my sister also told our parents she didn’t want one either, Betty’s death had affected her too. But for our brother’s birthdays Dad would take them and a couple of their friends to either a baseball or football game. In the long run, emotionally it was much easier.



But did I ever have another best friend ever again? Not for years, I was afraid to until some years later, Garvin was sweet and kind and gay, we worked for the same company, he adored my Mother, would tease my sister when she was in town, helped plan my brother’s wedding, and we became friends, we’d explore the night life together, go to Jazz Clubs and fledgling Goth Clubs although I wasn’t really into heavy metal music. We’d gossip, talk about the Ann Rice books,  go shopping, share secrets, car pooled, we found my vintage car that I'd restore, he’d design clothing for me and we’d love to either shop for or sew up vintage clothing. One year we made for him a “Zoot Suit”, long before the movie “The Mask” came out.



He volunteered at the local community Theatre and we’d would design lighting for plays, we became night owls which worked with our work schedules. Eventually we worked part time for a Community theatre company that specialized in murder mysteries, horror plays, Ghostly Drama’s, some Grand Gulnoild Dracula was always big, and occasionally a comedy like “Bell, Book and Candle” or “Topper” or “Blithe Spirit”, he knew a magician who’d design some special effects for them, we'd receive a stipend for it, that money helped to restore my vintage car. The little theatre developed a cult following for nearly 8 years, but then the building that was used was sold, the rent went up and it went out of business, but I could see that Garvin was in trouble before that.



We were doing “Dracula, the Musical?” (don’t ask but it’s true), working lights and special effects the new owners of the building said that we had to be out of it by November so it was our last production and it ran for 8 weeks, Thursday through Saturday evenings only, but Garvin looked like hell.



One evening just before closing night as we were re-setting the “gels” he told me he was dying, he had AIDS and nothing was working. I had wondered why he was being so careful around me at times. I knew of AIDS I had read all about it, he just sat there staring at the empty stage with the lights set, I could see that light was going out of his eyes, he’d given up. I walked over to him bent down, kissed his cheek and said “I Love you” very softly in his ear, the look he gave me is one I cannot describe except that it was a sort of joy and it energized him to finish the run, to direct the packing of all the lighting equipment so it could be either used someplace else or sold.



Then he sold or gave away all his things, put the money into a fund, checked himself into a hospice that cared for those dying of AIDS, he pleaded with me to not come and see him, or call him but I wrote to him every day and he would write a short note to me because now he was getting weak and tired. In the end he dictated a long letter to me; he was too weak to write, but it was a very special letter. He called me his Special Very Best and Very True Friend and I had through my letters given him the courage to make the transition and he had no fear of the end.



I had lost one friend and cut myself off of being close to anyone except for family and eventually Doyle, and then I had taken the courage to have a friend again risking the fact that I would lose him. I felt I had come full circle and had been healed, but in going around in that circle I discovered the darkness, and worked to find the beauty within it.

There were other tragedies in my life and with those I worked even harder to see beauty, I'll 'talk' about those another time.

Later Darklings

Of Discoveries, Charles Dickens and Coralline~~~~

Well Darklings,




Despite the fact that we had such an interesting situation at my brother’s house for Thanksgiving, we simply relaxed the day after, finishing washing and putting away the china, glass and silverware and then doing mundane things like laundry, house cleaning and putting together a grocery list to replenish the pantry.


Doyle left early but put a fresh pot of coffee on to greet my sister and I as we stumbled into the nicely warm kitchen. Coralline was still asleep as my sister and I tend to be early risers. We tacked the chores then Sis went on line for her job.

Coralline woke up and being a good child got clean and dressed, she asked if she could help but we had things well in hand so she investigated the house, poking around in various corners and un-used rooms, going up into the “lumber room”(aka the Cemetery) and then outside wandering in the now bear garden, she sat for a long time looking at the Koi fish that were in the newly fixed pond, and discovered the Pet Cemetery that was further back on the property,  I was not aware that we had our own private little Cemetery so when she came in excitedly to tell me I went out to look and pullin away brambles and overgrowth I discovered that  these were pets my Great-Aunt had, each with their own stone.

"Well"  I said to my niece "It looks like we have our own graveyard, we'll have to plan on how to fix it up during the warm months" and found myself pleased with the idea of such an undertaking, perhaps finding some old iron fencing to surround the area to give it a special cemetery look,  and I could see that Coralline liked the idea.

I was further amused as Coralline poked her head into the pantry, the basement and laundry room to complete her investigation of the house. Then coming back into the kitchen to finally have her breakfast and her mind full of questions, she didn’t want to bother her other aunt. While she ate and asked me questions, especially about the Pet Cemetery, I drank my coffee and answered them.


The day was still early and she, like myself, enjoyed the clear cold sparkling sunshine, she and I felt we did not want to waste a minute of the day, it didn’t matter that we were going to be doing mundane errands on this day. We decided that any clothes shopping could wait until Sunday, as neither of us wanted to face the Black Friday aftermath.

So I decided that we would do our errands riding in my vintage car, which was another surprise enjoyment to her.

That evening while preparing dinner she did her homework with the aid of my sister and then we told her about going to the Dickens Christmas Faire the next day. My sister had not been to it for nearly 10 years and felt it was time to catch up, Coralline had heard about it and always wanted to go but each year it was always something her brothers wanted to do. This year I told her is going to be different.

There were several holiday events that I had made arrangements for with her parents permission Coralline was going to see the Nutcracker, the Dickens Faire and possibly one other event. I do know we were going to also take in driving in one local city to see their Christmas Tree Lane, Coralline had been asking her parents if she could come each weekend during the Holiday Season to stay with me as well as the Holiday Break, before I committed myself to this I talked it over with Marie and Doyle and frankly they thought it would be fun to share the Christmas Season with a child in tow. So it was arranged.


The next day, Coralline with the enthusiasm of childhood, came bouncing into her Aunt’s bedroom and then into mine, while Doyle hid groaning under the bed covers demanding more sleep. She had found the long skirt, blouse and crochet shawl that I had laid out for her to wear in preparation for the event.


We went to the Dickens Fair and immersed ourselves in Victorian England. No Black Friday for us, not for us the waiting in line to purchase the latest electronic gadget. No---it was to become immersed in the Gothic Christmas Spirit.


I love Charles Dickens, a Gothic writer of the “First Water” as one would say, he had such an unhappy childhood and was plagued with problems after surviving a horrendous train accident---there is more but I recommend that you read a good biography of this man who, through his writing and his personal experience helped define the Victorian period.



My sister had been so busy with her work that this was one of the few times she could relax and enjoy herself, with the exception of the long weekend in Vegas.


Having bought our tickets on line, we managed to get there early and had seats to see Mr. Dickens introduce the characters from his books and with the swirl of Mr. Fezziewig’s ball the Faire was opened. I loved seeing Coralline taking in all of this with rapt attention and wonder.



My sister was smiling at what she was seeing and later she turned to me and said “I had almost forgotten how to laugh”, as we watched the antics in one of the theatres that was set up for entertainment.



But it never fails to take me into its magical moment with the scents of vanilla, cinnamon, nutmeg, roasted nuts, and fudge, of roasting chestnuts, and the swirl of bangers and fish and chips, the noise of the news boys, and seeing glimpses of characters from Dickens’ novels and Victorian England including the Queen and her husband Prince Albert.



You forget that they are all actors so immersed are they into their roles, we encountered Mark Twain and obtained his calling card, Sherlock Holmes and his friend Dr. Watson hurrying because “the game was afoot”; our niece, Coralline, was so taken by all of this, all these characters of both history and fiction come to life, up close and personal, not images on a flickering screen or separated by a stage but as real as imagination and a suspension of reality can make them.



The Victorian Period of Dickens, Poe, Jules Verne, Sherlock Holmes and Jack the Ripper. Of High Teas and fish and chips, of wealth and abject poverty. Of the medical discoveries of Lister and Pasteur and dealing with typhoid, small pox, cholera, and tuberculosis.

A period of changes that moved as fast in the 19th century as it did in the 20th and 21st.

Of Morality and Depravity.


And of some of the most classic authors of our times, and for a brief time we could be immersed in it but without the noxious smells or extreme disease and filth.



We stayed and stayed and stayed, slowly taking in all the shops, Coralline was wishing she could dress more like some of the children she saw, the three of us were doing well enough with our long skirts, crochet shawls and hair wrapped up in buns, but I could see the value of this fantasy so we bought bonnets to add to our costumes with a little Christmas flair of red berries and green ivy and red and green plaid ribbons.



Like Cinderella and her glass slipper we had to leave regretfully and tiredly, but late that night as I checked on Coralline to see that she was settled in to sleep I saw tucked into the frame of her dresser mirror the “formal calling cards” of Mark Twain, Buffalo Bill Cody, several Dickens characters, Phineas Fogg, all neatly displayed, her Victorian Bonnet carefully perched and covered with a light scarf to keep the dust off of it, her “Victorian Clothing” carefully draped over a chair to be hung up or washed later.



When I went down stairs to join my sister and Doyle for a night cap, I told them what I saw, my sister said we have found that which resonates to the child’s soul, a bit Goth, a bit Dickens, a bit Victorian but all child, no visions of sugar plumbs but the characters from the Victorian era.



And we could but smile at the thought.



Later Darklings

Cakes, perfumes, nail polish and mattresses~~~Fun along the way~~~~

Darklings,




The last weekend was a lot of fun for me and my Niece that I call ‘Coralline’. But this last work week had shaped up as possibly something different.



Sometimes with the difficulty of the work we do, on our lunch breaks we look for things to make us laugh and sometimes its things that are not quiet appropriate.



Right now we do not want to hear about the FBI and CIA scandal or anything else, it is something that has been going on for a hundred years although I do love the dark side of this scandal, but it can become another boring soap opera or tella novella. The story is so old it becomes a big “yawn”.



One of our staffers is getting married, fortunately a simple wedding, reception to be held in her family’s large home, and food to be pot luck. She borrowed a wedding dress, but is using her Mother’s wedding veil. Groom and best man wearing a nice suit, one maid of honor to wear her best evening dress---I mean Darklings, she is going for economy as much as possible, wedding to take place on Dec 23. Christmas theme of course which the maid of honor is thrilled because it means buying a new evening dress in red, with either a red or white fascinator style hat. The service to be held in church that she booked a year in advance.



She is not freaking out, no Bridezilla here, for which I and other’s are grateful, but she was trying to find a good cake design. So she had been looking on line, for something, but she decided a white cake with red flowers poinsettia style and green leaves and a Mr. and Mrs. Claus as a cake topper, with raspberry filling, simple, easy, not fussy. But she found this web site called Cake Wrecks---we have been laughing so hard at these unintentional disasters, some of them weird, creepy (but then I love creepy), laughable and in appropriate.



So every so often when things get depressing at work, we go to Cake Wrecks for a laugh, check it out, you may even get an idea for a cake for some strange occasion---web site is www.cakewrecks.com



And now for something completely different~~~~~



As you know Darklings, I LOVE perfumes and colognes, I had been intrigued by Channel’s latest scent “Coco Noir” but came away feeling a bit disappointed, well the reviews were pretty much the same, a complete disappointment. Even Givenchy’s “Dahlia Noir” was a bit disappointing, but I saved the print ads for them just as souvenirs, but I’m still in love with Elizabeth Taylor’s “Black Pearls” but it’s my understanding that its been pulled off the market, even though the reviews have been fairly favorable.



There is a web site that I have come across where you can purchase many of these scents and also check out what reviews and personal opinions have been published---the web site is www.fragrancex.com, at least you can get multiple opinions and in some cases purchase sample vials, which is excellent if you are on a budget or are unable to get to a department store to purchase a scent that you desire.



I simply am having too much fun adding to my nail polish wardrobe, although I don’t buy all of them, I couldn’t afford it, but I do purchase select intriguing colors.



L’Oreal has come out with their “Electric Fantasy” collection, and of all the color’s in the collection I really love the purple shimmer called “The Mystic’s Future” a rich, royal warm purple with a lovely fantasy shimmer.



Now for those of you younger Darklings the color is also paired with a lipstick called “The Mystic’s Kiss” so if you go clubbing but don’t want to wear black, then go with the purples with black sequins, purple up your lips, eyes and nails, for an ethereal corpse-like effect.



There are other colors in the Electric Fantasy collection but I’ll leave that to other nail critic’s on their opinions.



I have my niece ‘Coralline’ again this weekend, she begged her parents to come here instead of one of her brothers innumerable ball games, and she is being very helpful.



‘Coralline’ wants to get into being a very young Baby Batling, and since she is here for the weekend, that is good because it gives her a chance to get acquainted with her other Auntie while we move my sisters things, boxes and such from storage unit to the house.



I told my niece that since she is going to a private school she has to make concessions about becoming a Baby Batling, but I did present her with an extra bottle of “Spooky Skull” nail shimmer from the Revlon Halloween collection for her helping us move things, which she did very willingly. I managed to purchase a stray bottle that was left over from the promotion a few weeks ago.



With the Sally Hansen nail polish line, I was intrigued with “Midnight in NY” a black shimmer, and the glints of shimmer in some lights appear to be red and gold and in other lights silvery, the shimmer is so fine that it takes 3 coats to bring it out, I love its sophisticated Blackness, so much more refined in my opinion that if it just had a silver shimmer to it.



But on the other end of the spectrum is Sally Hansen’s’ “Hidden Treasures” a incredibly pale pink shimmer of the most palest pink I’ve every come across and it too changes with the light, in some lights the barest hint of pink, in other a pearlized white that reminds one of the most perfect oyster pearl.



I gave my niece a bottle of that color as well. With those two colors she is on her way to Gothicness, at least in a mild way



Doyle has been in and out of the house, he comes home, checks in on me, gives me a quick update without revealing anything sensitive and then has to leave again, well it is something I’m use to, he hopes to make it for Thanksgiving Dinner at my Brother’s house. But sometimes he surprises me, in one corner of my dressing room he’s put up another sign but in keeping with the décor of the room is white with black and gold lettering it happens to be over where I keep my perfume and nail polish collection and is delicate and lovely----the sign says “Apothecarium” which is different from “Apothecia” where I have the wines stored. I think he is having too much fun but I’m not going to discourage him.



Having my sister at home is fun and it’s really very relaxing for the both of us in many ways, with us moving much of her boxes out of storage, Doyle has left me with his van so we can move more boxes and such, and the following weekend after Thanksgiving, my Brother and his brother in-law with his truck, will move the few pieces of furniture that my sister has and she can get her self finally settled into her bedroom.



Fortunately I was already in possession of a bedroom set from my Great-Aunt so it was just getting a mattress for her and also new mattress for another bed for our niece.



My sister is really glad with this idea of having her things and making my home her home base, less stressful and economically better for her. And considering how big the house is, it feels good to have her in it when Doyle is away on assignment.



Since I have 5 bedrooms and 4 ½ baths, my sister is using the two bedrooms that share a bath, that way she can have her own sitting room to have her mini-office set up with her computer and own phone line. She loves hardwired land lines like I do and this way it does not tie up my computer line at all.



There will be times when she has to go out of town for her work, but at least she can feel comfortable knowing she can have mail safely delivered, and a safe place for her car.



With my sister setting up housekeeping in one bed room, I’ve assigned another bedroom to “Coralline”, and with my sister having to buy a new mattress the day after she arrived, I decided to buy a new mattress and box springs as well for the bed “Coralline” will have so we won’t have to share my bed anymore; with my sister being home for now it was easy to have those items delivered, later this afternoon we’re going to Wal-Mart and then Target to see what kind of bed spread and linens they have for both beds, so much better than using the sleeping bags.



My sister told me how the delivery men were re-acting to the house, she can be a little “stinker”, she set up an audio device to project the sound of a lion roaring, so when the men were carrying the first mattress up stairs it went off and they heard that sound, one of the men said “What was that?” and Sis said “Oh that’s just Kitty Kat, he’s hungry, but don’t worry, I’m going to feed him”. (Did I tell you she can be a “stinker”?) After they had delivered the second set, Sis gave them a tip and the audio roar went off again and Sis said “I really better hurry and feed him; he gets so cranky when he’s hungry”.

Sis told me “You should have seen their faces, one of them had that look that says ‘Feet don’ fail me now!!’, I wish I had a video camera.”



My sister does love to do mild practical jokes on occasion, she has a friend of that does mechanical and electrical set ups for haunted houses, and I can see where her mind is going, frankly I’m following along the same lines.



I was glad that new mattress arrived it seems that when “Coralline” has a bad dream she’s a bit of a ‘thrasher’, I’ve already been awaken from a sound sleep several times with her hand smacking my face. I was not aware that she suffers from bad dreams, I did ask her about that and some of them are vivid, it’s possible that the stress of being in an accelerated class can take its toll on a young mind. When she wakes from them she clings to me very frightened and I sooth her saying she’s safe, she relaxes and falls back to sleep, but the next day is apologetic about waking me up so abruptly.



I’ve talked to her Mother about this and at least she is going to see what can be done to help her. Perhaps being in a less stressful classroom situation might help, but we don’t want her mind to be bored either.



“Coralline” had another bad dream last night, I and my sister quickly went to her room to comfort her, and she relaxed and fell asleep, this morning again she apologized for waking us last night because of her nightmare, but I told her how one time when my sister was at a friends house for a sleepover, so Mother and I were watching a scary movie on T.V., it was “The Haunting” with Julie Harris and Claire Bloom, what scared us was not what we saw but what we didn’t see, I was 17 at the time and was so scared I had to sleep with Mother, but I told my niece that the reverse can happen when Mother was so scared from seeing the opening scenes of that Steve McQueen movie “The Blob” that we left the theatre and she had to sleep with me.



My niece laughed at that and relaxed about the whole thing. My sister said she didn’t know that and I told her “Well I didn’t see the reason to mention it” but privately we hope that with our niece being in a good class environment but with less stress will help with her nightmares.



Last night my sister and I had the pleasure of watching our niece dance down the bedroom hall way in her nightgown as she twirled along enjoying her environment with the purple wall paper with the gold pattern designs and touching the individual wall lamps after each twirl, happily humming a tune. My sister said it reminded her of her daughters at that age. I have to confess if it wasn’t for photographs I’d have to wonder if we were ever young.



The burdens of adulthood can be so exhausting at times. But now with the situation with “Coralline” both my sister and I can, in a way, relive the discoveries of becoming Goth. But for children now a days it is so much harder, my sister is going to talk to her children to see what sort of stresses and difficulties children are facing now a days. In many ways I would not envy being a child growing up in today’s world. My sister and I are hoping we can give some protective mechanisms for our niece.



And Hostess Cupcakes is no more, another tradition gone. ***sigh***



Well they are ready to go shopping, and one more trip to the storage unit for today. We do fear that the stores will already be crowded, so it will be take out dinner tonight.



Later Darklings

Family, relatives and "Coralline"~~~~

Well Darklings,




My 3 day weekend did not go quite the way I was expecting. Not that I had anything really planned, Doyle has an assignment, which will be intensive, so I won’t be seeing him very much, I thought I was just going to do a few things and generally putter around.



But Friday morning at work(Just at the start of the 3 day Veteran's Day weekend), I got two phone calls that changed a few things. I was planning on going to “load up” on Duraflame logs and tea lights (easy to do anytime) but first I got a phone call from my sister and she’ll be flying in Monday evening, a bit sooner than expected but still I’m very happy about it.



Resourceful Sis, managed to get a flight out to Texas and from there to Las Vegas, where she stayed for the weekend enjoying the hedonistic sights of “Sin City”, sort of a mini-vacation. Then she hopped a flight out Monday evening to my local airport, so I had the fun of picking her up at about 8 p.m. and getting her settled into my home, I really didn’t mind and the timing was good since I had Monday off as a holiday (Veteran’s Day).



But things got a little complicated for me, because the 2nd phone call was from my Brother he of the 3 jock boys, sports enthusiast wife and very quiet daughter. I’m sure you can see where this is going, but if not I’ll fill you in.



I’m an Auntie, and one calls upon Auntie’s when the “married with children” have their backs to the wall or have what they perceive is a “changeling child” Auntie’s are the hidden super hero’s, they come through in times of crisis---well at least the one’s I know do.



My brother and his wife are nice people, but they love their sports, their boys love sports, their daughter (who they were hoping to be a boy) hates sports and considers those who play sports and get a lot of money as idiots---except for Joe Montana. Why he is the exception I have no idea.



She is 10 years old and thinks of sports as the “bread and circus” of the 21st century Modern Rome, I am inclined to also think that way, but I have to admit I do love Professional Bull Riding (I always cheer for the Bulls), and Alright for those who think that is a sin---then I’ve sinned but I’m not going to apologize. I’ve seen professional Portuguese Bull Fighting without blood letting and I am amazed by it. Trust me Darklings, the Portuguese Bull Fighting done here in the U.S. is done without blooding and is darkly Gothic, darkly beautiful and ritualistic. It is also a part of my ancestral heritage.



My niece loves music mostly classical, ballet, and saw the recorded version of “Phantom of the Opera” which she considers her favorite musical and Opera (well she is Only 10), and has seen the “Twilight Movies” much to her parents objections (they thought she was seeing a Disney movie with a friend).



So she is a changeling child.



Anyway there were several big sports events coming up this last weekend that they wanted to attend but their daughter set up such a “howl” that there was no peace in their home, until my brother remembered me.



So I had Carol, whom I’ve started calling “Coralline” for the weekend, which worked out in several ways, she needed to do both a reading and writing assignment for the weekend, the reading assignment was easy, her folks dropped her off on my work doorstep 2 hours before I got off work on Friday, with her bags in tow. ***sigh*** (I do love my brother but with his wife, it has to be on her schedule)



I apologized to Coralline because I still had to work and was concerned she’d be bored but she said she has a reading assignment and needed to do a report on it, and had to check over her math homework which she had initially finished in her free time period at school. So setting her up in my area to do what she needed to do, she was content.



She is a remarkably self possessed child, gets mostly A’s with a few B’s in school she’s in an accelerated course and is reading at the 8th to 9th grade level with full comprehension. Her math is at 7th to 8th grade level and constantly improving, her science is at 8th grade level, she is like 10 going on 80, wise and sad at the same time and mildly frustrated at her immature brothers, and her sports addicted parents.



I can understand in a way, I mean my Dad liked sports he could watch a football game, was mildly interested in baseball, and basketball, but it was not the defining thing in his existence, mostly it was a way for “the men folk” to gather around watching the game on the old black and white T.V. and discuss the mis-fortunes of the world.



My brother played football in high school and college and got hooked, seriously hooked. Sometimes I and my Sister have wondered if he didn’t get switched at birth, however Mother assured us that did not happen.



I and later when my Sister came on the scene, well we had a few playmates our age but we never really felt comfortable with them, they seemed so “childish”, I guess being around grownups a lot can affect a child, but for my Sister and I it was a good thing. Later in our teens we developed a few friends our age, but again not many.



By the time my brother came around, there were lots of kids his age, and he never seemed to think beyond when he could go out and play kick-ball or something with his pals. Amazing what a difference 8 years can make.



My niece Carol aka “Coralline” seemed to be in the same situation as I and my sister, close by there were no girls her age, but plenty of boys her brothers ages and it wasn’t easy making friends in a highly competitive accelerated education classes.



So I had Coralline for the weekend and she has been tagging after me all this time, I wasn’t sure how she’d take to an Auntie who is an Elder/Elderly Goth, I informed her that the basic rule is “My House, My Rules, Homework comes first, and I need to know from your parents what you can and cannot do.” She was very willing to go along with that especially the minute she saw my house from the outside, the first words she said was “Wow!” And took to the house both inside and outside like a duck to water, even Belladonna was happy for the extra attention.



She stood in awe in front of the portrait of my Great, her Great-Great Aunt and said to me “I don’t think I’ll ever be as beautiful as her” so over dinner I told her the story of the ugly duckling who became a swan, and showed her pictures of me and my sister as children, just like her, unformed, shapeless, in pigtails, no hint of any kind of beauty.



And then as a sort of game I showed her how her beauty will develop, pinning a dress to fit her that was a perfect color for her completion and doing some light make up, and dressing her hair I showed her that in time she would become a very beautiful young lady. I told her to always remember that as she grows up, but that it’s perfectly alright to be a 10 year old girl and to have fun as a 10 year old girl.



She almost hated taking off the makeup but I informed her that part of her beauty routine was to always be clean which meant washing her face and brushing her teeth morning and evening, and other beauty things that a 10 year old can do.



She enjoyed her weekend with me and then meeting her other Auntie as well, her writing assignment was “How I spent my 3 day weekend”. It was to be done in a diary format; she said her class mates were going to be jealous. I asked her why and she said “None of them have a house that is from that movie “The Addams Family”, except with less cobwebs.



While we were waiting for my Sister’s flight to arrive at the airport, my niece asked me a lot of questions about my childhood, and I discovered through her questioning that she is going through the same type of difficulties as I went through. Granted the stresses of today are different from when I was growing up, but the issues are pretty much the same.



I gave her the “Cliff Notes” version and told her to file away what I’ve said in her mind and write down any further questions to ask me, because there was more than what I gave her in the condensed version.



She asked me if she could wear all black and I suggested to her that at her age it would be best to go with dark blue, purple, deep greens and the occasional red. She hated the cutesy baby girlie things her mother bought her, and I said she was still too young to try and look sophisticated and to enjoy being a young girl. I told her a splash of pink was fine, and when combined with black can look very nice. She asked me to ask her mother if I could take her clothes shopping in the next few weeks (right after Black Friday which I dread), but I couldn’t refuse. But I told her that I would need to get an idea of what was already in her wardrobe and we could go from there. So like two conspirators we made our plans.



I know her Mother, my sister-in-law, she comes from a family of sports enthusiasts, when I’ve tried to talk to her about music, literature etc., she always manages to bring the conversation back to sports. When she talks about her children she always has a lot to say about the boys and their achievements, when it comes to her daughter she says that she’s happy she gets good grades in school and is never a problem but hates sports and my sister-in-law has admitted to me in a recent conversation that she doesn’t understand her daughter and has no idea how to really deal with her.



I suggested to not force sports on her as her interests were in another, more artistic direction. And “Corallines’” Mother keeps asking where did that come from, well Duh! Look at her Aunties….***sigh*** I did tell you that I ‘like’ my sister-in-law.



Then again she gets so wrapped up in the boys’ lives that it seems she doesn’t have time to spare for her daughter. I think this is something I’ll need to talk to her about in depth. Even for an Elder/Elderly Gothic Auntie there are boundaries and I need to see what they are.



When my Sister and I dropped our niece off at her parent’s house we made arrangements with her parents for her to spend the Thanksgiving break with us, even though we’d be at my brother’s for Thanksgiving Dinner, which promises to be very interesting. I told her we would see about the Christmas break.



She asked her parents if they could watch the first “Addams Family” movie for their movie night and they said “Sure, why not” since her brothers had been choosing the movies for the last 2 months, all sports oriented or the “Jackass” movies.



My brother and sister-in-law do not suspect what is slowly developing for their youngest. If nothing else my niece finally felt she wasn’t an outsider in this family, that they were the outsiders and we (my niece, sister and I) were “perfectly normal”, “Crematorium” Kitchen and all.



I do know this ‘Coralline’ is thinking like my sister and I did when we would make plans to do our brother in, only she has to contend with 3 brothers who are older. The good thing is I told her that it would be wise to stop the planning, that when her brothers are grown up they could become useful in many ways. She had not thought about that, which made me smile.



And now she has met her other Auntie whom she has heard about but never met until now. My sister and I think this is going to be “a good thing.”



Later Darklings.

Vacation Diary Part 4 A~~thoughts as a child and now~~~

Hello Darklings,


I’ve had several people ask me on my trip how did I transport my wines, since keeping them in a car that can get very hot can destroy the flavor of the wine and turn it into vinegar.


It’s easy really; I don’t keep it all the time in the car, only when I’m transporting it.


I’ve purchased several canvas bags that are partitioned to carry up to 4 bottles of wine, these bags I padded with extra padding used for quilting, this helps prevents the bottles from cracking. Since I was going to several wineries in one day I also had a very large cooler packed with blue ice, the blue ice I put into heavy duty freezer bags to prevent the labels on the bottles from becoming wet or damp. I’d put the bottles still in the canvas bags into the cooler as I went to the next winery.


Although not perfect I have done this before and it has prevented any spoilage.


Now most of my hotel rooms have a refrigerator, so when I return to the hotel I move the wine out of the cooler in the car and put it into the hotel room and turn the air conditioner on to keep the room cool, and then I go back to the cooler to get the blue ice and put it into the refrigerator over night.


So all perishables go with me into my hotel room and any non-perishables I keep in a collapsible crate (it looks like a milk crate) in the trunk of my car, with the exception of the perfumes and jewelry.


When I travel I travel with at least two collapsible crates and one large cooler in my car trunk, I put my luggage into the trunk as well, what doesn’t fit I put on the floor of my back seat and cover with a very dark colored blanket that matches the color of my car floor so that way it’s not easy to see.


If I am going to stay more than over night then everything is put into my hotel room, otherwise it’s just the perishables and what I’ll need for the next day.


When I go grocery shopping either at the store or farmers market I do the same thing, it’s very good for frozen or refrigerated items and the crates prevent smaller items from rolling around or becoming squeezed or damaged, especially bakery goods. It’s amazing how well things can be preserved without too much worry. Of course with cakes you have to be carefully with the type of frosting, some types will melt and side off but I can’t remember if its butter cream or another kind of frosting, I’ll have to look it up.


If I have a lot of shopping I determine what sort of day its going to be, if its the farmer’s market, then I combine it with the grocery store and everything comes home and gets put away, then I go out again to finish my shopping. This is because most farmer markets open early in the morning and close early.  There is one that is open from May through September in the evenings, and I do enjoy that one espeically if the days have been hot.


But if I’m only purchasing at the grocery store then I do my other errands first and then finish at the grocery store.

This is where planning your trips maximizes your time and fuel usage. This is something I remember from how my Mother did her shopping. But we did have an advantage one of our major grocery stores was only half a block away so we walked to it, as a matter of fact our home was only a half a block away from the business district so it was easy to walk to everything.


My father took the bus to work, if Mother wanted to go shopping at one of the major stores to get clothing for me and my siblings she’d take the bus to go “Down Town”, because that is where the major stores were like Capwells, Sears, Montgomery Wards, J.C. Penney’s, Rhodes, Goldman’s, Brunner’s, I. Magnin, Macy’s, and San Francisco’s magnificent City of Paris store. If we went to San Francisco to shop we were not going Down Town, we were going to “The City”.


How I remember how we did that. My brother thought shopping was boring, so Mother would have a neighbor baby-sit him, usually someone that my brother was friends with their child to play with, and Mother would reciprocate later on. She’d take me and my sister because we loved to shop and we were always on our best behavior, because if we misbehaved we would not be able to go next time she went Down Town or especially to “The City” so we were always good.


We dress up in our Sunday best for that type of shopping, how I remembered being so awed at the stain glass ceiling of a ship plowing through the waters at the City of Paris store, it was a rarity to go there but once in a while we did. One time we went there to get a Samsonite traveling suit case for my Grandmother and a good traveling suit, she was flying back east to visit relatives she had not seen in ages, and she wanted to look her best.


I still have my grandmother’s suitcase, as a matter of fact I used it during this trip of mine, but Grandma was buried in her good traveling suit, I remember how lovely she looked in it when she went back east, and how lovely she looked in it when we buried her wearing it. As a matter of fact, Mother went to a florist shop and bought an orchid corsage and pinned it to Grandma’s suit before the casket was closed.


One of my aunts’ remarked that ‘Grandma looked like she was going on a trip’. I felt that was a beautiful thought. When my Mother died I did the same thing and just whispered to her, “Mom, I know you are on a trip with Dad, enjoy it, I’ll met up with you eventually. Don’t worry I have the map, I’ll find you.” And some day I will.


But all those wonderful stores that were Down Town are gone, now it looks like a bunch of Ghetto stores, nothing wonderful anymore. Of course San Francisco’s Union Square has their stores, but the feeling is not quite the same. And I find Shopping Malls very distasteful, seeing people dressed with clothing that hang off the hips, showing butt cracks, muffin tops, bellies hanging over a waistband, not shaved, or with bed-head hair, flip-flops and no style. I’ve found when I walk into a better store such as Macy’s the sales staff seem a bit in awe of me, I guess wearing a hat, gloves, that have a retro feel to it is a bit startling. But I’ve noticed that the staff stand up straighter, are more helpful and generous with their time.



When I go to the grocery store I always have a bagger wheel my cart for me and help me load it into my car, and many of them know that I tip them for that service. They always refuse the tip but I always make sure they get their tip, especially now when times are tough.


I have always said that it pays to be classy and observe the niceties; you’d be amaze at what excellent service you get. You don’t have to be a millionaire, just classy---Steve Jobs’ jeans and black t-shirt? Forget it, that’s only if you’re working on your car, in the garden, cleaning the house or oven, or dumpster diving.


And now I’ve confirmed all my plans for the next leg of my vacation, poor Belladonna is not going to be happy, frankly I'm not happy leaving her behind but she’ll survive, she'll be safe with her sitter,  but I have to confess it does feel good to have her snuggle up to me, especially on these cool fall nights.

I will post, hopefully from my location in Lodi or when I return I am not sure.  The good thing is I will not be leaving until Sunday, which gives me and a friend of mine a chance to attend a vintage fashion show Friday evening,  I know I'm going to have fun with that.
Later Darklings