Of Nostalgic thoughts and memories~~~~

THE DISTANCE THAT THE DEAD HAVE GONE,

DOES NOT AT FIRST APPEAR.

THEIR COMING BACK SEEMS POSSIBLE

FOR MANY AN ARDENT YEAR.

---Emily Dickinson 1830-1886

I know Darklings, what a strange sentiment to start a post, but it is true, at least for myself and my sister.

Over these last few weeks, my sister and I have been involved in remembering the dead, our parents, grandparents, and our oldest brother.

We’ve been reading letters and looking at photos. The letters from our Dad to Mom during World War II have this immediacy, not that it happened 60-70 years ago, instead they leap over time and boundaries and death.

To the point where we can almost sense that they just might walk through the door, Dad yelling “I’m home, does anybody care?!!” and us children running to him and hugging him, of course we care, home would not be home without his presence or Mom’s.

Sometimes he’d surprise us with a bag of candy purchased at the candy counter at Woolworth’s, and we had to share and if there was an odd number left over, well that went to Mom and Dad with Dad giving the greater number to Mom.

Sometimes comic books, one for each of us, and we’d rotate them, I still have all the “Classic’s Illustrated” issues, it was how I was introduced to the classic novels, until I could read them properly.

The modern graphic novels don’t have that style, and do not address the proper novel form.

Sis came across the old slide pictures, but we’re not sure where the projector is, and if the lamp in it works, but once it’s found we’ll test it out.

Yes Darklings, we saved everything from our parents and grandparent’s houses, the houses had to be sold to settle the estates, and we were pretty much scattered because of our jobs. But we put everything into storage, bit by bit we’d pull a few things out and decide what to do, when a box had been gone through we’d mark it and put it back in storage until it could me moved.

But now with my Great Aunt’s house and its space, we’ve been able to get a lot of things out of the storage units, and go through them more comfortably. Sis is going to use quite a bit of the furniture from our parents and grandparents in her house which is good, our brother didn’t need it as his wife had her own ideas of decoration and given how active the boys are it was considered best.

But looking over the photo’s, were we really that young, I ask. But I was so glad to miss the worst of the hairdo’s and clothing, neither I nor my sister could get into the paisley stuff or beads, and peace symbols, leather and fringe, it just seemed so tacky. And it was a good thing that we learned to sew, I could never imagine exposing my knees in mini-skirts, although they are nice looking knees, but I felt that when one flaunts too much, one is just “giving it away”.

But the Beatles---not too long ago, at one of the movie theaters they were showing “A Hard Day’s Night” and hearing that first cord of opening music, I found myself being transported back to being a teenager enjoying the infectious enthusiasm of those 4 boys from Liverpool.

The other night I heard Gary and the Pacemakers singing “Ferry on the Mersy” and the tempo and beat of the song had me floating to another time, when one didn’t have the worries that one has now, you were free floating like a bobbing cork on the ebb and flow of the make-believe river, and could take deep breaths of freedom.

But our parents and grandparent’s houses are gone, torn down, one a parking lot, the other a part of a large apartment complex, the neighborhoods have changed, its not the same, stores that were there run by Mom and Pop’s who knew our names, all gone, some torn down, some burnt down. They exist only in our minds and memories.

I think that is why I fight to keep my Great-Aunt’s house preserved and kept up, a bastion to another time, another era, a period of grace and elegance and a certain amount of stability.

I asked my sister when did things change for us, and she said “JFK’s assignation, Vietnam, Watergate, Woodstock, pot and protests, Patty Hearst’s kidnapping, children controlling adults.” Then she remarked “Our dream finally ended we grew up and faced reality when Dad then Mom died and we were in essence orphans, for our parents were the one’s that prevented us from seeing the grave our own mortality.”

She was right and we try to pass on and preserve that graciousness that unruly child/adults try to rip away.

There is really no such thing as progress, only change and sometimes time marches backwards in a strange way, the concept of light rail, echoes our trolley cars, people buying old pre-1965 cars, those who restore old things like typewriters and telephones, various historical preservation societies, and re-enactors, the concept of Retro design, community gardens an echo of the old Victory Gardens, being organic means growing and putting up your own food, re-cycling was like “metal for Victory”, getting points on your credit card was like Green Stamps and Blue Chip stamps, save up enough and you could get something and so on.

Oh this trip down memory lane can be fun, nostalgic and sad at the same time.

And for now, well Darklings I am feeling much better, but I still get a little weak and light headed, so although I’m over the worst of it, there is still some after effects, I’ve been able to go into work but just half days for now, next week I’ll be pulling full days some of the staff did come down ill in spite of precautions.

I’ve been so wanting to work on the stove, but Sis told me to take it easy, it will be there, but I do want to start tackling it at least a little bit this weekend. Just do a little at a time, once it is properly cleaned and working then the kitchen will be back in order the way it should be, and I’ll be very, very happy.

For now I look at Doyle asleep in his favorite chair, Wiener Dog curled up in a hidden nook of it, Belladonna curled up on the couch hidden under an inexpensive throw blanket to keep her warm, its in the low 50’s outside and nippy. Sis is re-mounting some of the photo’s that have come loose and labeling them, a good thing to do.

And now I’ve heard the timer go off, dinner is ready, Stew tonight, hearty and warm, Doyle brought home a loaf of French bread, Louise has just arrived home from work, I’m glad I’ve only put in a half day, and several of Sis’s clients cancelled, they too have the flu, so we were able to have the early evening to relax, and now time to fill our tummies.

Later Darklings

It is good to get together with people you love.

Of Thank Yous' and further thoughts~~~~

Hello My Darklings,




Dear Underground for Tea, Rebecca and all of you who expressed kind thoughts about the loss of our brother, Thank You to all of you.



Yes, even now years later the loss is painful but now we’ve come to accept that, I feel that it was the religious faith my parents and family members had and instilled into us that to each of our lives there is pain. That all of life is a learning lesson, we cannot learn if we do not struggle, we cannot appreciate the joys unless we also have the losses.



Mother would look to the “Sorrows of Mary” to understand the pain a parent must go through, if more people would look to that it can at least, help towards understanding that we all must go through some form of that. It is ages old, and will continue forever, that is why we contribute to St. Jude Hospital and programs that will help young people learn to avoid violence, to lead them away from violent acts. When our Parents learned of the hospital that Danny Thomas founded, they contributed regularly and often in memory of Matt.



St. Jude is the patron saint of hopeless causes or situations; Danny Thomas was a struggling comedian he vowed if he became successful he would build a shrine to St. Jude to help those in need. He did become successful and he never forgot his vow; many old timers remember his T.V. program “Make Room for Daddy”, he produced other T.V. programs, his daughter Marlo Thomas starred in her own program “That Girl”. Danny Thomas made good on his promise to St. Jude; his daughter continues the work her father started.



So even now for anyone with a heart breaking loss, like those who are now suffering from the devastation the Tornado’s caused in Kansas, you can only come out of it stronger, to have the faith and patience of the prophet Job, the love and compassion of Mother Mary to deal with heart brake. To give into it only means that you will never live to appreciate and to grow from what your loved one’s have taught you, you have to grow stronger.



It is what helped my family and especially my sister and I expanded on what our brother taught us, my sister and younger brother passed this on to their children and with my sister’s oldest daughter she is passing it on to her children. We don’t turn away from disaster or horror, we deal with it, we’ve made sure that our children (or for me nieces and nephews) are not naïve about people and situations.



Matt’s professor, his other teachers and the dean of his college posthumously awarded his college degree, our youngest brother marched onto the stage to receive it in Matt’s memory. Our parents framed it and hung it up on a special wall next to Matt’s picture.



Our younger Brother has it now.



By Matt’s example, we, his siblings worked hard to get scholarships to go to college so it would be less of a financial burden on our parents, we also worked part time to off-set costs, we did it because Matt inspired us, but Dad insisted that we go to a college that was much closer to home so we’d only be a hour from home by bus, if we had to study late Dad or Uncle Mannie would make every effort to pick us up, perhaps our family was being over protective but understandable and we did not object.



Every year, on or near the date of what would be his graduation one or all of us, takes flowers to his grave, in celebration of his life.



Perhaps that is also what being Goth is all about, to understand the sufferings of the world, to know the darkness, to understand it, and to make it a little less dark



Again my Darklings, Thank You for your kind thoughts and words.

 

In my next post it will be something much less sad.

Later Darklings

Of Death and Darkness, the changes in my life~~~

Hello My Darklings




In my previous post on my beauty routine, I had a chance to write that out over a period of time, but this one, I wrote in the quiet of the evening over a few days, and with reflection. This morning I was up very early, taking Belladonna for her walk and enjoying the hint of heat in the air, the bird song, the way the sun slowly brightened the landscape, flowers, early squirrels looking for food and scampering away.



I felt a mixture of enjoyment of the beauty around me and sadness that someone I dearly loved was not physically here to enjoy it. When I returned I could hear my sister and Doyle moving around, we will leave in a few minutes to go out for breakfast, Belladonna in her carry-along. But while I’m waiting for them I re-read what I have written about my beloved Brother, his was the 2nd major tragedy that helped complete my turning to the Dark side of life, to my own type of Gothicness.



In this post I’m going to ramble down a sad portion of my Memory Lane, it may even explain why my mental thinking is the way it is, why I turned towards the Goth side of life.



On our Spa Weekend, my sister and I, in a period of deep reflection talked about our older brother, Matt. Now Darklings I have mentioned my sister and my younger brother but we did have an older brother and he was another tragedy in mine and my family’s life.



His was a death that should not have happened but it did. Matt was 8 years older than I, born before the start of WWII, and with Dad in the military there was a delay before there were younger siblings. Dad wrote long letters to Mother and Matt, he and Mother had devised a code to say where he was based when over seas, sometimes it was certain words, sometimes it was coded in a poem.



According to Mother, when she got a letter from Dad, Matt became excited and got out the maps and code book, together they followed the military movements carefully, then finally in 1946 when Dad was de-mobbed it was a joyous re-union.



Matt during the War Years, developed a liking for ciphers, and codes, Dad through a police friend was able to get a radio scanner for Matt so he could follow what was happening with our local and county police department. Because of this he knew what was happening in our town before it was printed in the paper, later because of his interest in hidden things, he learned about code words for mind reading acts, he and Mother develop their own mind reading act for amateur programs at the local Elks lodge that entertained and amazed people. Later as I grew up he taught me code words so we could communicate with each other while other people were around and have the others not know. At times it became very handy and Matt taught me how to be secretive without showing that I was.



Later Matt became adapt at spotting suspicious activity, or seeing that something was not quite right, and yet being “invisible”. Instead of privately investigating he’d go to the police station to talk to Dad’s police friend, Tom and report to him what he’d seen. More than once his observations helped crack a crime problem. My brother wanted to be a police investigator. He read the Sherlock Holmes stories, books on spies and how to spy.



But Dad wanted him to eventually go to college and be something else, he felt that what Matt was doing could become dangerous. But I and Sis thought that Matt was a hero, our younger brother admired him for his cleverness. Matt attained good grades in grammar and High School, and received a scholarship for college, we could not have been happier for him. He decided to major in psychology, he felt that would be a good basis for police investigation.



Through him both Sis and I learned about the behavior of people, but our earlier experiences with our older brother also taught us to observe people’s actions and to always be suspicious. We also, through his tutoring, learned code words and simple actions to signal to each other our thoughts when with a group of people. On hot days with the use of a simple fan to fan ourselves we could communicate with each other over a limited distance.



All of us loved to watch and listen to the mystery programs both on the radio (yes, at one time radio had programs much like television) and on T.V., because of this Dad would refer to us as the local version of “The Baker Street” irregulars. And when his police friend came over to visit we were always included in the adult conversations. In many ways it cautioned us about “evil people” and that men, women and sometimes children could be “evil”.



In those days we could wander all over town and not be afraid of being kidnapped, we learned from our brother, and most of the time he’d be with us, keeping an eye on us. If he wasn’t around we’d stay close to home or let our parents know if we were at a friends house. We made it a policy to let our parents know by phone when we arrived and when we were leaving, Matt taught us that as a pre-caution.



Dad’s police friend Tom use to quote several lines from Shakespeare “To smile and smile and still be a villain” and Poloneus speech to Laretes, as well as explaining Hamlet’s remark “The play’s the think where upon to catch the conscious of the King”. He told us that the play Hamlet and Macbeth were murder mysteries, how was Hamlet going to prove that his uncle was a murderer, Hamlet was not indecisive, but needed public proof, unfortunately, said Tom, Shakespeare could not find the words to express that, except on a spiritual level.



Macbeth was more psychological, seeing how greed, vaulted ambitions could lead to murder and madness, unfortunately to be in politics, said Tom, it was best to not have a conscious. Even today I agree with Tom’s assessment.



Over the years we all, Dad, Mom, my siblings, Grandma, Uncle Mannie and Dad’s friend Tom, when we got together would discuss the dark side of human nature. And strangely enough Matt, I and Sis enjoyed it. Our younger brother would go off and play with his toy soldiers or listen to a sports game on the radio and in his own way tuned out, until dessert was served.



This along with other personal experiences led to my becoming more Goth, more darkly inclined.



Then one day tragedy happened. Matt disappeared, it was a Friday, he went to his college classes as usual, he was in the middle of his Senior year in college and working hard on his paper to receive a Bachelors in psychology, he was planning to go back to get a Masters and was being mentored by one of the psychology professors. For the last two years he was living in a dorm near the college but was always calling home to talk to someone in the family to stay in touch, sometimes calling as much as 3 times a day. Mom always sent to him a roll of dimes so he could call, and reverse the charges. Dad didn’t mind, it was one bill he liked paying, just to be in touch with his oldest child.



Matt had friends and acquaintances in college as well as home, lots of times he take the bus home for the weekends unless he had important exams or a paper that needed to be presented but he’d call in advance to let us know.



This time there was only one call, to say he was coming home for the weekend and to not to worry he was going to make arrangements for a friend to pick him up at the bus station and bring him home, we didn’t ask who it was.



He never made it.



We knew what the bus schedule was and we knew what time the last bus would arrive and even if it was late Dad would stay up to greet Matt when he got home, but he didn’t get home.



After Midnight Dad called Tom to find out if there was any accidents on the highway or in town, any kind of delay, there wasn’t. Tom was worried as well but protocol demanded that a person had to be missing 48 hours, I remember how upset Dad became saying to Tom that Matt could be seriously injured and time was a factor, so Tom bent the rules.



In tracing Matt’s movements after his last class, we discovered that he went and talked to his Professor and gave him his paper for review, grabbed a bite to eat with a couple of classmates and they saw him off on the last bus that left the campus that evening, he caught his connecting bus and the driver remembered seeing him get off as he was his last passenger. Before the bus driver pulled away he remembered Matt looking around for someone but didn’t see him and said to the driver as the driver held the door open “I’m sure my friend will be here soon, Thanks!” waved and the bus driver pulled away. But as the driver pulled away he saw a dark older model car go in the opposite direction then do a U-turn and pull up to where Matt was. That was the last time anyone saw him.



The days that followed were agony, Mother and Dad were trying to be brave, Grandma came to the house and stayed with us, Sis, our younger brother and I were told not to leave the house unless an adult was with us or to play in the back yard, but we didn’t feel like playing, we just quietly talked about Matt’s disappearance.



Uncle Mannie showed up about a week later after finishing an out of town contracting job. When we wanted to go to the store Uncle Mannie went with us, he made himself useful around the house doing repairs, yard work or painting to keep himself busy and to free up Dad so Dad could talk to our brothers friends. Tom worked the case looking for any possible clue.



Matt had been missing for three weeks, when one of our neighbors asked if we could baby-sit her dog, a beagle named Sammy, we loved Sammy, if we wanted to play with him she’d let us because it was good exercise for such an active dog. His owner was going out of town for a few days and knew we’d take good care of the dog. One game that we played with Sammy often was “seek”, we’d hide something of ours, like a doll or a shoe or something then we’d have Sammy sniff our hands and then say “seek” and Sammy would always find what ever was hidden making a howling bark too when on the trail, which the other neighbors didn’t exactly appreciate.



We had Sammy in our yard and Uncle Mannie was watching us, when we did “seek” Uncle Mannie jumped up, went into the house and brought out Dad, Dad saw what Sammy did. Now Sammy was not a trained blood hound or what now a days people would call Cadaver Dogs, but he had a good nose.



By this time Tom and the other officers had figured that Matt had been murdered, and it was narrowed down to 3 suspects. Sis and I knew them but there was one we really didn’t like, and we told Matt some months before we didn’t like him, he seemed “off”, Matt understood but said that this friend had been helpful with some research and was just quirky. But I remembered telling Matt that I thought his friend hated him and explained to him why I thought that, Matt understood and promised to stay away from him if we felt that way.



Dad told Tom about Sammy, Tom thought it was crazy but thought that the idea of using Sammy might reveal something. Sammy revealed more than that. He found Matt’s body, or really a part of his body. My brother had been hacked into sections and buried in different spots. Sammy found Matt’s head buried in the back yard of the parents home of the guy Sis and I didn’t like. The person later showed where the rest of Matt was buried.



The reason he killed Matt was jealousy. It seems that the person that Matt had hoped would be able to pick him up was sick so Matt reluctantly called this guy, because he knew his other friends were out of town and he knew the family car was in the shop so Dad would be unable pick him up at the bus stop.



While they were driving to our house Matt talked to him about the final paper and about graduation and this was the trigger that set his alleged friend off, in stead of taking the usual route home he took a side route that was more deserted, claiming that road work was being done on the street, Matt was tired and just let the explanation go, then on an empty stretch of road he said something was wrong with the front passenger tire and pulled over, Matt got out to check and his friend ran over him with the car. He dumped the body into the trunk and later went to a deserted place and hacked the body into sections burying parts here and there with the head perversely buried in his parents back yard with some tomato plants on top.



Matt’s friend was brilliant, but quirky, sometimes talking about theories about President Roosevelt having been murdered and other things that was too fantastic to believe. He had a temper which would go off if he became too agitated, his parents refused to have him attend college because of his behavior, and instead he worked for a man that his parents knew, it was a menial almost degrading job for someone of his intelligence, but his behavior was, in his parents mind, too unstable. How right they were.



Matt liked the guy and appreciated how smart he was and thought that by having him do some research work it would make him feel important and valuable. At first it seemed to work that way, but then his friend began to resent Matt’s kindness, which even included going so far as to giving his friend credit for uncovering information that helped Matt pull his research papers together. Matt talked to his Professor to see if there was some way the guy could work for the college. But because Matt was going to college and graduating and going back for a Master’s, it tipped this man into a blind rage.



The guy never went to trial for his crime, when Sammy found Matt’s head, he revealed where the rest of Matt’s body was, then he went complete insane. He died a few years later in a fire at the mental institution where he was confined, it appears the fire was an electrical short that started in his room. When Mother heard that she had a very satisfied look on her face remarking at the dinner table to Dad “Matt took care of him”. In the years between Matt’s death and the death of his murderer, everyone was trying to get their lives put back together, Mother and Dad realized even in their grief that I especially was having a hard time, Matt had gone to college when my friend Betty had died and now this but it wasn’t until we heard about Matt’s killer having died in a horrible way could we finally put things behind us. Our parents and grandmother stopped having that haunted look. Uncle Mannie was credited with the solution to finding Matt. Tom received a promotion in the Department. In the end we all finally had a form of closure.



When Sis and I talked about our older brother and how much he had influenced us alive and dead and our choices, it wasn’t so much a dark cloud as a dark wing, that sped us to look into the darkness of people’s minds. We always were interested in the dark twistings of people’s minds after that, Mom and Dad never prevented us from reading about gruesome murder’s in the newspapers or on Television. The Death of John F. Kennedy was played out before us on the Media, that we even began to think about conspiracies even to this very day, the sunshine of our Camelot died for us a year before and now for the nation, we never looked at anything or anyone the same way again, we never trusted anything or anyone the same way again.



Sis and I fell back into using the code words, hand and facial signals, even again on hot days the fan signals to communicate. Our brother eventually learned as well. All three of us watched people more closely, more suspiciously, and it carried over into our college years, and beyond. I learned to shoot a gun, and carried a form of pepper spray when I worked nights, we never had our doors unlocked ever again. When either of us traveled alone we always used precautions to avoid harm. And today over 50 years later we are still suspicious, even more so, because we know and understand the dark side of the mind. Our brother even in death, taught us that.



Later Darklings

Of Beauty Routines and what has worked for me~~~~

Hello My Darklings,
Some of you have asked what is my beauty routine, especially for an elder/elderly Goth.


Well to have a good beauty routine when you’re “old” means to establish a good beauty routine when you’re young.



From an early age my Mother instilled into me and my sister a good beauty and health routine, even when we were going through a difficult time, by maintaining that routine helped give us a measure of stability in our lives.



Lets start with teeth, teeth helps us to chew and digest our food, so having good, healthy teeth is important, proper diet to help build strong bones is the basis for it, brushing in the morning and after every meal, flossing and gum massaging is also important, regular check ups with the dentist as well.



But keeping sweets to a minimum is very important, as well as acid foods and drinks; candy, soft drinks and even acidic foods are damaging to the tooth enamel. Staying with fruits, vegetables and a health portion of protein helps.



Now this is in keeping with diet, and I don’t mean you should go vegetarian or vegan, I’ve encountered too many people who have been on those types of diets and frankly quite a number of them come across as very weird. Of course for many people being in the Goth culture may seem weird to others, but I’ve come across those not in the Goth scene who were Vegetarian/Vegan and frankly I have a tendency to stay away from them, especially when they become extremely militant about food and drink. There are limits My Darklings.



The body needs to digest a certain amount of animal protein to encourage natural insulin production and many on a Veggie diet have to take too many supplements to do that and in the long run is not healthy, so a balance diet that has a lot of fruit, veggies, some grains, a little fat and a certain amount of animal protein is important. Sad to say I’ve been acquainted with a few people who were militant vegetarians who attempted suicide with some succeeding …Mother use to say to me “If they only had a bit of cake or ice cream or a nice hamburger maybe they’d still be here”



Staying away from fast food helps, especially when they want you to super-size it, but there are times when one has no choice, but places like Burger King and Carl’s Jr. are now offering salads with bits of chicken or tuna and that is a good alternative, I have to admit when I’ve been in a rush and only a Burger King is around I get their Chicken/Cranberry salad with the apple cider vinaigrette. Avoid fried foods if at all possible.



Once every two weeks (and usually on a Sunday) I’ll prepare a number of foods and freeze them for quick cooking, but sometimes Doyle will do a meal or my sister, and having a slow cooker helps as well, so if you don’t want to always order pizza and have to work a bit late doing something like that to have healthy meals is always good, I’ve even prepared meatloaf the night before to just pop into the oven the next evening. Giving a bit of thought on food preparation helps to eat healthy.



When I was attending school, we didn’t have a school lunch program; Mother packed a healthy lunch for use, tuna fish or eggs salad sandwiches, if we had pot roast for Sunday we almost always had left over pot roast in our sandwiches, or a meat loaf sandwich or chicken salad sandwich, and it was always from something left over from a meal or two before, nothing was ever wasted, our thermos always had milk.



Mother always cautioned us to shake the thermos, if it rattled it meant that the glass lining was broken and to not drink the milk, a few times I was stuck with drinking water because some nasty boy would knock over my lunch box to break the thermos, I’d tell Mother and she would go to that child’s house and tell the parent they owed for a new thermos and tell them why. Each one of those boys never deliberately knocked over mine or my siblings lunch boxes again. It was not nice to mess with Mother.



Desert would be sliced apples, dipped in lemon juice to prevent them from browning, and everything wrapped in wax paper. Because of such hardy lunches, when we got home the only thing we’d want would be an apple or pear, and when they were in season, nectarines, apricots or peaches. We learned to love fresh fruit. But we had to brush our teeth, Mother could be a strict taskmaster.



I frequently will pack a lunch from home, it saves money, and time and I know what I’m eating. At my desk I have a pretty cosmetic bag that contains travel size toothpaste and mouthwash and well as those dental picks, I keep a toothbrush in a travel container.



When I go out I have a very small travel toothbrush that I keep in my purse to do a quick brush of my teeth in the ladies room, I’ll wet it down, go into a stall and do my brushing privately. And no matter how late at night I would come home from a date, brushing my teeth was and is mandatory. I still have my own teeth and except for the root canal work being done now, hardly any cavities.



Many people feel that if something is labeled organic or range free that it is, not necessarily, almost something that is not organic is involved, know your food source is the best motto. And if you can, get organic, if you can afford it. Process meats like hot dogs and the packaged cooked ham will have too many nitrates, so always check the ingredients on the packages.



Now that is not to say you can’t on occasion indulge in KFC or some of the others or a family/friends Bar-B-Que, you should really, as a treat, but then get right back to eating healthy. And this needs to start in childhood.



Avoid sweets such as pastry, cakes, pies, candy, ice cream and again the soda’s even Snapple, by avoiding sweets will result in the best in terms of health and prevent as much as possible weight gain…but in celebration or family gathering its fine, and again get right back on healthy eating. Now once in a while I will come down with a tremendous craving for something sweet, even a soda, but just a small amount will suffice, I’ve seen for sale those small 8 oz cans of soda and even ½ of that will tame my craving. I look upon that as an occasional treat, in celebration of something but not an every day thing.



Mother loved to bake, so if there was a bake sale, my siblings and I were guaranteed a cookie or cup cake for dessert that evening----after we did our homework.



Exercise---I cannot stress that enough, I’m not talking about running or even bicycling, just good old-fashion walking works very well, getting into a dance class to do ball room dancing is fun, fantastic and very healthy, doing some weights for the upper arms is helpful to avoid flabby under arms, if you don’t gain weight the under arms do not become flabby, exercising the abdominal and gluts as well are important. Swimming is good aerobics with mild resistance and builds up your breath in take.



I was lucky to get involved in dance, ballet and ballroom are the best and helps with being able to move elegantly, I’ve even done belly dancing as well and found moves that I didn’t know I could do. Personally it has made things interesting for me and Doyle.



Avoid exercise that can cause greenstick fractures or what is called shin splints, running does that, although at times with ballroom you could develop that, but less so because you are not dancing on hard street surfaces that you do in running or endangering your life with auto traffic when bicycling.



Getting plenty of sleep is important to allow the body to replenish itself, although many parents bemoan the fact that teens especially boys will sleep all day if they could, there are studies that show that teens, because their bodies are growing do need more sleep, but it is up to the parent to make sure they go to bed at a reasonable hour and then get them up and outside to do yard work for their health----I know a lot of you are thinking “yeah, right!” But you as the parent are the one’s to create boundaries, limits, duties they must do to earn benefits, and responsibilities, as well as being involved in family things and events..



Sleep is also important to allow the mind in the dream state to help with problem solving, and lowering blood pressure and helping with your heart rate, Meditation is excellent to relive stress, as well as living a life style that reduces stress, my parents always said to never live beyond one’s means, only have 25 percent of your income go to debt, preferably less. As one person puts it, income $20.00, expenditures $19.90 equals’ happiness, expenditures $20.10 equals’ un-happiness.



For many years I worked nights and slept days, my body eventually got use to it, but in time I discovered especially as I got older that was not a healthy routine for me, but at the time I had no choice. Trying to sleep during the day could be difficult I had to prepare my bedroom in a way so that I would not be disturbed, sleep masks, ear plugs and putting a note on my door that said “Day Sleeper, do not disturb upon pain of dismemberment and death” helped but there are some Jehovah Witnesses that discovered my wrath when I was disturbed.



When I was able to get day work my health improved, and although there are nights when I will stay up late to “howl at the moon”, at my age I can’t do that much any more and it is a wise Elder/Elderly Goth to realize that.



So being out all night and then working all day is not a good healthy routine, but if you are a natural night person, that is fine, but do take vitamins to compensate for the lack of sunlight and for the fact that your hours are reversed.



During my work day, no matter what I allow at least 15 minutes to relax to do my prayerful meditation, no calls, no conferences, this is especially good in the afternoon after I do that I will eat a bit of fruit to appease the “hunger gods”. I’ve also found that by taking time when I get home from work to do the rosary, before I do anything else, also relieved the stress from work, if you are not Catholic then 15 minutes of quiet meditation and deep breathing will help clear your mind but your life partner also needs to be on board with this. Lots of times when allowing to do that it avoids angry confrontation and any disagreements can be talked about in a calm manner. Those 15 minutes can be vital.



Avoid tanning, or being out in the sun too much, a lot of people love to be in the Sun especially during the summer but if you are then use a wide, wide brim hat, long sleeves, a parasol and high SPF sun screen. Neutrogena has sunscreen that is up to 100 and 110, I use it and I swear by it.



When I want to work outside in the garden I get up early and work out there until 10 a.m. then I do not go back out until after 4 p.m. This is especially true during the late Spring, Summer and early Fall hours.



I also wear gloves, light cotton gloves for summer, heavy ones during the cold months, to protect my hands, I use dishwashing gloves when I’m hand washing anything, gardening gloves for working in the garden and I wear the cheap cotton throw away gloves that are used by photographers and archivists, when I am dusting or cleaning house, although I do have a batch of them, what I do when they become too dirty is I wash them like I’m washing my hands, rinse and hang them to dry. I also use a good hand lotion on my hands during the day and at night.



Having a good mani-pedi cure even without using nail polish is important especially to work cuticle cream into the areas around the nails, I work cuticle cream into my nails as part of my nightly beauty routine, and one should always be watching for any signs of infection or nail fungus especially with the toes is important to keep healthy nails. I make sure to avoid calluses on my feet especially the heels, using a pumice stone and massaging a foot cream designed for the heel area is always good.



I use Dove soap for sensitive skin for bathing and Aveeno skin cream, for facial lotions I use products by Estee Lauder and their Clinique line.



For hair I have used Pantene products, but once when I was on a business trip (I was forced to fly) I could not pack my hair products, the store that I went to did not carry Pantene (how primitive) but only cheaper products. They did have Suave, and I found that they worked just as well if I bought the upper line of Suave products, since I had to travel light on my return trip, I left them in my hotel room with a note to House Keeping that I could not travel with them and keep my luggage under the weight limit and they were welcome to them.



In cosmetics I’ve found products by the Estee Lauder and Clinique line to work very well, I do use Almay and Physicians Formula, Physicians Formula also has a pearlizing powder that does very well to soften the face and give a glow to it. It is especially good for the evening and gives a shimmer effect. Just be careful of the amount one puts on one’s face.



One cosmetic line that I’m very fond of because they are naturally made is Besame Cosmetics, all of their face, lip and eye products reflects the colors and packaging of the 1930’s and 40’s although they have come out with two lip colors that reflect the 1920’s, their Black Licorice lip gloss is wonderful, as well as their Red Noir. Their products were used for the latest “The Great Gatsby” movie. I’ve included their link on my side bar. Their packaging is so wonderful and elegant perfect for a Goth, or a Film Noir Fan.



I cannot tell you what is a good face cleaning program but I have used facial scrubs and astringents when my face becomes too oily, but as one gets older the face does change, and I make sure that I change my facial program as well.



There is one thing that I use that my Mother use to use and that is a product called “Porcelana” to lighten any brown spots on one’s face and give even skin tone, but I noticed that for Mother it seemed to keep her face youthful even when she was well into her 80’s. I started using it in my mid-teens with Mother’s permission and it seems to help me. It is also important to apply a moisturizer to one’s neck area to lessen the look of a crape neck.



In applying makeup---I do use red lipstick but I stay with colors that work for me, the lighter brighter reds were fine when I was young but now I seem to be using the deeper darker reds, it all depends upon one’s complexion, the Berry reds can look good on some women but not all, even though they maybe the current fashion.



Always remember to apply makeup to look natural and lightly if possible, too heavy a makeup on an elder/elderly Goth looks clownish or overly theatrical. And remember what looks good on a 20 or 30 something may not look good on a 50 or 60 something, unless it’s Halloween or a costume party then the sky is the limit.



On eye shadow I only apply color to the crease of my eye, keeping the area under the brow a light color as well as the eye lid, during the day I use a matt color and in the evening an iridescent, as long as it does not collect in any creases. If that starts happening then it is time to consider something else. A color that complements your eye color is always good.



I also apply a moisturizer that is geared for the delicate area under the eye as well as the lid; I do under the eye in the morning and both the lid and under the eye as part of my bedtime routine; I’ve been doing that since my late teens.



On eye liner, again one has to consider the shape of one’s eye, a cats eye line may not work for everyone, I’ve found that if I do a slight lift just short of the outside end of my eye that seems to work for me.



I did talk about nail polish in another post for Elder/Elderly Goths as well as in home decorating for those who are now reaching a point in their lives when being mobile is difficult. Please check my back posts.



Keeping hydrated is very important, I try to drink almost a liter bottle of water everyday; because my special indulgence is coffee with hazelnut creamer I try to offset the dehydrating effects of coffee and even when I drink wine by keeping hydrated.



Because of my back injuries it has been hard for me to exercise, but my therapists has come up with exercises that I can do and since my back is much stronger I can start swimming again, and hopefully in the next two months go back to doing my dance classes, but I’ll have to go back to beginner again to get back the tone that I have lost, I was able to keep up with the upper arm exercises. Doyle will be glad; he’s been missing our date nights for dancing.



Have I ever had a face lift? Well so far no, but that is not to say I haven’t considered it, but even now I don’t feel the need for it. Except maybe for a little upper lid eye lift, and a slight neck skin lift, nothing extreme just a little, sometimes the upper eye area will start pouching down and a little removal is not bad, also under the eye pouching, like saddle bag pouches, now I do not suffer from that but a friend of mine did. She went to a highly recommended plastic surgeon and he said “just a little, remember you are mid-50 something not 20 something, it will be just to make you look better but not necessarily younger” and he was right, the saddlebag pouches were removed and she did look better, and although he cautioned her that it was not going to be a youth renewal, she did look younger, I think by cautioning her to not have great expectations, her realization with the final outcome was much better for her.



Extreme cosmetic surgery for Elder/Elderly Goths I do not recommend, and I do not recommend liposuction. The mother of a rap singer did that when it was recommended that she not do that and the poor woman died because of her vanity. And look at the face of Kenny Rodgers, one can hardly recognize him. No, if one is considering surgery just a little lift to look a little better, but remember your age.



Even Joan Collins at age 79 looks FANTASTIC! But she doesn’t go to extremes.

So when I’m ready I’ll consider it.



I think by following what I do, keeping well covered, using hats, parasols, sunglasses and sunscreen has been very helpful for me to keep a youthful looking skin. I’ve had people mistake me for being in my mid-forties, and in the evening with very soft light I’ve had a few young men think I was in my late 30’s, although I think that might not happen so often anymore, but when it does I’m flattered.



I do take vitamins and Iron, my doctor has also increased my vitamin D3 intake to 2000 units once a day for my bones, since I do avoid the sun.



I am tall about 5’ 7”, slender, with dark almost black hair with a little gray although I do have a natural gray streak over my right side, my hair is straight and still thick, my eyes are greenish with some brownish flecks, and yes I do have to use glasses now a days for reading. And Sunglasses with a good high UV rating is a must, I wear them anytime I’m outside, it reduces the chance of developing cataracts.



My eye lashes use to be thicker but over the years have thinned a bit, my eye brows are almost shaped like Gloria Holden’s in “Dracula’s Daughter” I started shaping them that way when I was a teen and they’ve remained that way though all the fashion changes. Why? Because for some reason the style seems to suit my face, but its always wise not to have one’s face “frozen in time”, one has to make reasonable changes.



It is wise to always know what sort of shape your face is, is it square, diamond shaped, round, rectangular, triangle, or oval shaped, is it long or short, is your forehead and chin broad or narrow, are your eyes, large, small, too close together or far apart, is your neck long or short, thick or thin, as well as the shape of your body, one make-up or hair style maybe fine for one shape of face but wrong for another. So as you age check the shape of your face, neck and body.



And that is another thing I recommend, besides regular check ups with your dentist also have regular check ups with your doctor and eye care physician, by doing that you will always have a base line for your health as you age and can take steps to keep yourself healthy.



I wash my clothing in any hypo-allergenic laundry soap that is fragrance free, I started with “All” but “Tide” and “Gain” has come out with laundry soaps for sensitive skin as well. Although I do know of people who have extremely sensitive skin and need to get their products from a specialty source.



As one gets older things do begin to sag a bit, and there can be a little weight gain, it is not unusual for women who have been slender all their lives to have anywhere from a 5 to 10 pound weight gain, I’ve been able to keep close to my college weight, but there are some women I’ve encountered who are angry they cannot get down to their high school weight.



Wake up I say to them, even in High School you have not attained full growth, I was surprised when I grew another two inches in college, that surprised me. It also explained why my bone joints ached so much in college. I do use a light weight garter belt support for my tummy area, even though I do abdominal work on that area. And I never wear pantyhose, or thong panties, they are an invitation to an infection in an area one does not want to have.



I’ve had some people ask me about dying one’s hair, I feel that is a personal preference but I do recommend that you have a professional do it, especially if you also perm your hair, then the professional can time when to do your color and your perm. Mother kept dying her hair until she turned 80, then she said she might as well “Let it all hang out”, but Dad got upset and asked her to start dying it again and so she did “as long as we can afford it” she said.



I’ve never dyed my hair although my sister does, but she chooses a color that matches her original hair color to not be so obvious. And she looks younger than me well she is younger by 5 years. But because she follows the same routine as I do she has been able to keep her youthful appearance, in spite of having lovely two daughters and they too follow the same routine as their mother.



Most of my maintenance beauty routine is at night, I have my favorite programs, but since I have to get up early in the morning, I’ll be watching my later night programs in the bedroom while I’m doing my beauty routine, and since my bathroom is adjacent it is not a problem for me, even Doyle is use to it. In the morning it’s cleaning and preparing my face for makeup, everything is laid out ready to use, in the evening, if we are not going out or having visitors, I will remove my makeup and clean my face to allow the pores to breathe. On days where I’m not going any where special, I will only use moisturizer and Sun Screen and lipstick.  And I always wear perfume, it is my signature.  The only time I avoid perfume is if we are picnicking in the wilds, don't want to attract mosquito's.



And I will do some exercises to keep my body toned; one can do it while watching T.V. or the news, but before my back injury I would take a dance class at least one evening a week just to keep myself in shape, during the summer I go to an indoor pool for swimming, and take at least two dance classes during the evening, I walk to and from the bus stop, to BART or go bus to the Ferry and then walk to my job, even in the rain. Walking in the Evening with Belladonna is also good and on the weekend I walk her early in the morning and at night. Doyle has gotten into the habit with me, especially at night.



Being in a routine is very important for health, beauty, maintenance of one’s clothing and one’s mind. Taking time to enjoy the simple things in life helps keep a mental and physical balance as well, living within one’s means is important as well as saving for emergencies, to prevent stress, for I believe that besides not enough rest, an improper diet, the biggest killer of one’s health is Stress, so relieving that stress is so very important.



But I think I inherited excellent DNA because I hardly have any gray hair except for that streak and very few wrinkles.



Another thing one should consider, and it can help to make for healthy choices, some women are not meant to look like twigs, and some are naturally “jolly” in shape, but it’s always best to be at the weight that is healthy and best for you. If being overweight runs in the family, accept that but avoid becoming obese, accept the fact that you are a size 14 or 16 and will never be a size 2, if you are a healthy size 14 or 16, stay in shape, eat healthy then you have no complaints.



One of my favorite programs is “Criminal Minds” and I love the character of Penelope Garcia, she is not a size 2, more of a 14 but she is smart, lovable, compassionate and quirky. I like that. I’m glad that they chose an actress to display those special qualities is pretty and is not a size 2.



Later Darklings

Of a Spa Weekend just starting~~~~

Hello My Darklings,

Well Sis and I are here at, of all places, the Claremont Resort, close enough and far enough from the cares of the world and local events.

We checked in yesterday afternoon, and once settled we had our first massage.  Then tea and a late dinner.

Today so far we've had breakfast and Sis has a series of spa treatments and beauty works lined up for the day.  We are not checking out until Monday morning, Sis's prescription for mental health.

She had made a serious request of me, I am to not read a newspaper or magazine, other than fashion magazines, no media news, nothing except relaxing music. 

Why you ask?   Well she felt that since I was pretty much confined to home, I was not reaching out mentally for mental stimulation to give my mind a balanced outlook.  We spent the rest of Friday evening, discussing this.   She thought I was going too far into the "dark", and needed to bring a little light into my mind.

Of course once I go back to work that will be of tremendous help for me mentally.  But she's right, I did feel that my mind was becoming constrained.  So I'm following her prescription, but I have to admit my fingers are itching to read a newspaper.

Another thing that we touched on briefly was the loss of our older brother, something that we both felt needed to be aired, but we'll reserve it for another time.

I had one person ask me (to paraphrase) "how can you afford to do this?"  Well I have to admit, from young our parents taught us to be frugal and to invest, have one's money make money but to not take risks, plan for the long haul, from the time you get your first job set aside money for retirement and investment.  And look to scholarships and grants if need be, to finance your college education.   All of us, my younger brother included, found professions that we enjoy and that pays well.  We live well within our means and remain in many ways frugal, I go so far as to clip coupons when shopping, if there is a product I like I will use those coupons. And I save,  I look for tax deductions, and other things to have my money and in someways my property, make money.   I learned to sew, have my shoes and purses repaired at the shoe repair shop, make things do, fix things and make them go for as long as possible.   Separate the "wants" from the "needs".   Avoid being a "throw-away" society and to not buy cheap.

I may have covered this in another posting, when I have time I'll look for it, if not then I will publish this at greater length.

Sis is here and it's time for our series of sybaritic delights, and I have not forgotten about going to the Artists reception I'll write about it soon.

Have a Happy Mother's Day, My Darklings

Of the Boston Bomber Capture~~~~

Hello Darklings,

Well the news for many is good, the younger brother involved in the Boston bombings was captured alive, injured but alive.  His older brother is dead,  it seems that the night before the capture, one of them shot and killed an MIT police officer, they hijacked a car and it's driver, abandoned them and tried to hide in Waterton (Watertown?) there was a shoot out, the oldest was killed.  The youngest got away for 24 hours.

A man who had a boat stored in his back yard noticed blood on the covering and called 911 and the younger brother was captured.

I'm glad that at least one of them is alive, I hope we will get answers to why they did it.

But as I understand from interviews with family members, the oldest brother was always in trouble and could influence the younger brother, which is sad because the younger brother was on his way to getting a medical degree, an Uncle called them "Losers" and that they shamed the family.  In another interview a boxing coach said that the older brother could easily influence the younger brother into doing the wrong thing.

Of course the father and an aunt say they were framed and its a conspiracy, but the Mother has said that the oldest brother was under F.B.I. surveillance but didn't seem to be a credible threat, there were no out ward signs of what they were planning to do.

But Doyle, my sister and I agree we won't know the full story, there are so many theories flying about, not until the surviving brother can be interviewed and that information is released will we know anything.

Many people are saying that this bombing is done by the government, this is especially bandied about by conspiracy theorists.   Especially as there had been no credible red flag, and people are saying that the younger is such a nice boy.  But the elder brother became more involved in his faith and there had been at least one, possibly more domestic violence arrests on the elder for beating up his wife whom he allegedly brow-beat to join his religion.  Again I do use the word "allegedly", as this is an on going investigation.

But because people can't believe that they are bombers or terrorists they are shocked.

Personally my sister and I and Doyle are not so shocked.   I am especially reminded of a line from Shakespeare "To Smile and smile and still be a villain".

Each of us have come across people like that, people whom we were led to believe were good people but do horrible and heinous crimes, Doyle in his previous line of work especially.  My sister and I we learned through Life Experiences.

People who were friendly, polite, helpful yet turned out to be monsters of the worse kind.  And young people whose nureau synapses are still over-firing and have not learned caution, reason, wisdom or any real life experience, all so easy to manipulate into a life of crime or terrorism.

My late Elder brother, even at his young age always said to not put him on a pedestal, to not make him a hero.   He was a good young man, but he made the mistake of trusting a best friend who was not a friend, this person was the one who killed him.    My family had no inkling that my brother's friend could do that or was capable of doing that.

But I soon learned different, it was not an accident, it was willful and deliberate.   So by the age of 12 I had learned the extreme dark side of the mind.   I knew by age 12 horrible tragedy by life events.  And I decided to learn more about the dark side,  my parents fortunately understood and guided me and gave me emotional support.  All of this added to my eventual gothicness, and added to my strength.  My sister eventually followed in her own way. 

But I thank my parents for bringing me up into the air and into the light as needed so I would not drown in such evil.  I thank them for giving me humor, and seeing the weird side of life as well.   We could be like the Addams Family or the Munsters, but with a touch of X-Files,  Kolchack the Night Stalker, One Step Beyond and a teeny-tiny bit of Dexter.

Why a teeny-tiny bit of Dexter?  My Father, bless him, hung a fraud "out to dry" by exposing this person's scheme in such a way that only the criminal was hurt and no one else.

But now the weather is beautiful and Sis and I are going shopping with little Belladonna along for the ride in her tote bag.  And not to worry I'm taking my rolling walker along just in case I tire.  I feel it is time to look for "Summer Cothing".

Later Darklings

Of further Updates on the Boston Tragedy and memories of another event~~~

Dear Darklings,

My mind is just reeling of what has happened and information flying in so fast and furious.

So far 3 are dead, over 170 are injured some critically.  The reports of two unexploded bombs were incorrect and so far the fire at JFK Library just co-incidence.

Many runners are making plans to do a sort of "Run to show we are not intimidated" Marathon, people refusing to allow something like this change their lives except to be more vigilant.  Which is the only true course of action.

I am reading and hearing conflicting reports that a suspect has either been arrested or has been identified, I am not sure which, perhaps the news casters on the east coast have more information.

Doyle make an interesting remark to me when he came home late last night, he said that he hopes they check the roofs and any areas were the windows were exploded inward as that could contain important pieces of evidence and according to the noon time (PDT) broadcast they had done just that and found something.

Quiet heroes are emerging from this holocaust, people just doing what they felt was only right to do and those who are trained to do any emergency work.

I feel it will take me a few more days to get my mind back on real life again, and I can understand this desire to want more information to be updated constantly.

When Kennedy was shot in 1963 Mother was glued to the television set, Dad had to get a long antenna wire extension so that she could roll the t.v. set from the kitchen into the living room so she could do her work and still hear the news.  She saw when Jack Ruby shot the alleged killer and it happened live, I remember when I came home after picking up my younger sister and brother at school,  she was just sitting on the couch with her mouth open, almost unable to speak, all she could say was "someone shot him!  some man in the crowd shot him!"   I had to call Grandma and Uncle Mannie drove her to our house, she had to get Mother in gear just to make dinner, so sis and I dashed to the market across the street to get ground round to make meat loaf, it was the easiest thing to make for 7 people.  

For some reason that meat loaf tasted real good, I think because Mom and Grandma in a daze threw everything into it, long green onions, diced tomatoes,  we had some left over baked potatoes so we had mashed potatoes with bits of green onions in it and fresh string beans,  Grandma said to buy a pound of string beans and sis and I were kept occupied trimming, washing and cutting the beans.  Uncle Mannie took our brother outside to play catch until Dad got home.

Grandma turned off the T.V. and said "That is enough news for now."  That was a very sad November.

And even now I simply will not turn on the television until it is time for the regular news,  I have to get my mind back together.

And now a little bit of good news,  in the beginning of May my Lawyer and the defendant's lawyer and us will meet at my lawyers office to discuss a settlement, but it will be hefty, there will be no bargaining, it's either what I want or we go to court, which he doesn't want.

I have seen my doctor and he said I can go to my office next week to talk to my co-workers to see what is happening, my back spasms seemed to have ceased, but we'll know better when I'm back to work, the bruising is now just reddish and the cut on my cheek will only need the slightest of cosmetic surgery and even the discoloration will fade, I've not used any make up because I didn't want it to be in any way infected.

But considering how bruised I was even applying makeup was painful.   I'm walking more have even taken Belladonna on her walks with either Ella or Louise with me.  Doing the heat therapy seemed to have helped me heal much faster.  And I have to admit I've gotten very spoiled being waited upon, but that will stop eventually. 


I could not resist this, for several weeks I felt like that


I still get a little weakness in my legs and on occasion a little dizzy, but the Doctor has ruled out head trauma but if the occasional dizziness persists he will look into that further.

But I most likely will not go back to work until the end of May.   Why so long?  Doctor wants to be completely sure I can handle the work, I feel like that character "Rocky" getting ready for a prize fight, only its getting strong enough to work.

And now I must go, Louise says its time for Belladonna's and mine afternoon walk.  Where is that theme from "Rocky"?

Later Darklings

Cakes, perfumes, nail polish and mattresses~~~Fun along the way~~~~

Darklings,




The last weekend was a lot of fun for me and my Niece that I call ‘Coralline’. But this last work week had shaped up as possibly something different.



Sometimes with the difficulty of the work we do, on our lunch breaks we look for things to make us laugh and sometimes its things that are not quiet appropriate.



Right now we do not want to hear about the FBI and CIA scandal or anything else, it is something that has been going on for a hundred years although I do love the dark side of this scandal, but it can become another boring soap opera or tella novella. The story is so old it becomes a big “yawn”.



One of our staffers is getting married, fortunately a simple wedding, reception to be held in her family’s large home, and food to be pot luck. She borrowed a wedding dress, but is using her Mother’s wedding veil. Groom and best man wearing a nice suit, one maid of honor to wear her best evening dress---I mean Darklings, she is going for economy as much as possible, wedding to take place on Dec 23. Christmas theme of course which the maid of honor is thrilled because it means buying a new evening dress in red, with either a red or white fascinator style hat. The service to be held in church that she booked a year in advance.



She is not freaking out, no Bridezilla here, for which I and other’s are grateful, but she was trying to find a good cake design. So she had been looking on line, for something, but she decided a white cake with red flowers poinsettia style and green leaves and a Mr. and Mrs. Claus as a cake topper, with raspberry filling, simple, easy, not fussy. But she found this web site called Cake Wrecks---we have been laughing so hard at these unintentional disasters, some of them weird, creepy (but then I love creepy), laughable and in appropriate.



So every so often when things get depressing at work, we go to Cake Wrecks for a laugh, check it out, you may even get an idea for a cake for some strange occasion---web site is www.cakewrecks.com



And now for something completely different~~~~~



As you know Darklings, I LOVE perfumes and colognes, I had been intrigued by Channel’s latest scent “Coco Noir” but came away feeling a bit disappointed, well the reviews were pretty much the same, a complete disappointment. Even Givenchy’s “Dahlia Noir” was a bit disappointing, but I saved the print ads for them just as souvenirs, but I’m still in love with Elizabeth Taylor’s “Black Pearls” but it’s my understanding that its been pulled off the market, even though the reviews have been fairly favorable.



There is a web site that I have come across where you can purchase many of these scents and also check out what reviews and personal opinions have been published---the web site is www.fragrancex.com, at least you can get multiple opinions and in some cases purchase sample vials, which is excellent if you are on a budget or are unable to get to a department store to purchase a scent that you desire.



I simply am having too much fun adding to my nail polish wardrobe, although I don’t buy all of them, I couldn’t afford it, but I do purchase select intriguing colors.



L’Oreal has come out with their “Electric Fantasy” collection, and of all the color’s in the collection I really love the purple shimmer called “The Mystic’s Future” a rich, royal warm purple with a lovely fantasy shimmer.



Now for those of you younger Darklings the color is also paired with a lipstick called “The Mystic’s Kiss” so if you go clubbing but don’t want to wear black, then go with the purples with black sequins, purple up your lips, eyes and nails, for an ethereal corpse-like effect.



There are other colors in the Electric Fantasy collection but I’ll leave that to other nail critic’s on their opinions.



I have my niece ‘Coralline’ again this weekend, she begged her parents to come here instead of one of her brothers innumerable ball games, and she is being very helpful.



‘Coralline’ wants to get into being a very young Baby Batling, and since she is here for the weekend, that is good because it gives her a chance to get acquainted with her other Auntie while we move my sisters things, boxes and such from storage unit to the house.



I told my niece that since she is going to a private school she has to make concessions about becoming a Baby Batling, but I did present her with an extra bottle of “Spooky Skull” nail shimmer from the Revlon Halloween collection for her helping us move things, which she did very willingly. I managed to purchase a stray bottle that was left over from the promotion a few weeks ago.



With the Sally Hansen nail polish line, I was intrigued with “Midnight in NY” a black shimmer, and the glints of shimmer in some lights appear to be red and gold and in other lights silvery, the shimmer is so fine that it takes 3 coats to bring it out, I love its sophisticated Blackness, so much more refined in my opinion that if it just had a silver shimmer to it.



But on the other end of the spectrum is Sally Hansen’s’ “Hidden Treasures” a incredibly pale pink shimmer of the most palest pink I’ve every come across and it too changes with the light, in some lights the barest hint of pink, in other a pearlized white that reminds one of the most perfect oyster pearl.



I gave my niece a bottle of that color as well. With those two colors she is on her way to Gothicness, at least in a mild way



Doyle has been in and out of the house, he comes home, checks in on me, gives me a quick update without revealing anything sensitive and then has to leave again, well it is something I’m use to, he hopes to make it for Thanksgiving Dinner at my Brother’s house. But sometimes he surprises me, in one corner of my dressing room he’s put up another sign but in keeping with the décor of the room is white with black and gold lettering it happens to be over where I keep my perfume and nail polish collection and is delicate and lovely----the sign says “Apothecarium” which is different from “Apothecia” where I have the wines stored. I think he is having too much fun but I’m not going to discourage him.



Having my sister at home is fun and it’s really very relaxing for the both of us in many ways, with us moving much of her boxes out of storage, Doyle has left me with his van so we can move more boxes and such, and the following weekend after Thanksgiving, my Brother and his brother in-law with his truck, will move the few pieces of furniture that my sister has and she can get her self finally settled into her bedroom.



Fortunately I was already in possession of a bedroom set from my Great-Aunt so it was just getting a mattress for her and also new mattress for another bed for our niece.



My sister is really glad with this idea of having her things and making my home her home base, less stressful and economically better for her. And considering how big the house is, it feels good to have her in it when Doyle is away on assignment.



Since I have 5 bedrooms and 4 ½ baths, my sister is using the two bedrooms that share a bath, that way she can have her own sitting room to have her mini-office set up with her computer and own phone line. She loves hardwired land lines like I do and this way it does not tie up my computer line at all.



There will be times when she has to go out of town for her work, but at least she can feel comfortable knowing she can have mail safely delivered, and a safe place for her car.



With my sister setting up housekeeping in one bed room, I’ve assigned another bedroom to “Coralline”, and with my sister having to buy a new mattress the day after she arrived, I decided to buy a new mattress and box springs as well for the bed “Coralline” will have so we won’t have to share my bed anymore; with my sister being home for now it was easy to have those items delivered, later this afternoon we’re going to Wal-Mart and then Target to see what kind of bed spread and linens they have for both beds, so much better than using the sleeping bags.



My sister told me how the delivery men were re-acting to the house, she can be a little “stinker”, she set up an audio device to project the sound of a lion roaring, so when the men were carrying the first mattress up stairs it went off and they heard that sound, one of the men said “What was that?” and Sis said “Oh that’s just Kitty Kat, he’s hungry, but don’t worry, I’m going to feed him”. (Did I tell you she can be a “stinker”?) After they had delivered the second set, Sis gave them a tip and the audio roar went off again and Sis said “I really better hurry and feed him; he gets so cranky when he’s hungry”.

Sis told me “You should have seen their faces, one of them had that look that says ‘Feet don’ fail me now!!’, I wish I had a video camera.”



My sister does love to do mild practical jokes on occasion, she has a friend of that does mechanical and electrical set ups for haunted houses, and I can see where her mind is going, frankly I’m following along the same lines.



I was glad that new mattress arrived it seems that when “Coralline” has a bad dream she’s a bit of a ‘thrasher’, I’ve already been awaken from a sound sleep several times with her hand smacking my face. I was not aware that she suffers from bad dreams, I did ask her about that and some of them are vivid, it’s possible that the stress of being in an accelerated class can take its toll on a young mind. When she wakes from them she clings to me very frightened and I sooth her saying she’s safe, she relaxes and falls back to sleep, but the next day is apologetic about waking me up so abruptly.



I’ve talked to her Mother about this and at least she is going to see what can be done to help her. Perhaps being in a less stressful classroom situation might help, but we don’t want her mind to be bored either.



“Coralline” had another bad dream last night, I and my sister quickly went to her room to comfort her, and she relaxed and fell asleep, this morning again she apologized for waking us last night because of her nightmare, but I told her how one time when my sister was at a friends house for a sleepover, so Mother and I were watching a scary movie on T.V., it was “The Haunting” with Julie Harris and Claire Bloom, what scared us was not what we saw but what we didn’t see, I was 17 at the time and was so scared I had to sleep with Mother, but I told my niece that the reverse can happen when Mother was so scared from seeing the opening scenes of that Steve McQueen movie “The Blob” that we left the theatre and she had to sleep with me.



My niece laughed at that and relaxed about the whole thing. My sister said she didn’t know that and I told her “Well I didn’t see the reason to mention it” but privately we hope that with our niece being in a good class environment but with less stress will help with her nightmares.



Last night my sister and I had the pleasure of watching our niece dance down the bedroom hall way in her nightgown as she twirled along enjoying her environment with the purple wall paper with the gold pattern designs and touching the individual wall lamps after each twirl, happily humming a tune. My sister said it reminded her of her daughters at that age. I have to confess if it wasn’t for photographs I’d have to wonder if we were ever young.



The burdens of adulthood can be so exhausting at times. But now with the situation with “Coralline” both my sister and I can, in a way, relive the discoveries of becoming Goth. But for children now a days it is so much harder, my sister is going to talk to her children to see what sort of stresses and difficulties children are facing now a days. In many ways I would not envy being a child growing up in today’s world. My sister and I are hoping we can give some protective mechanisms for our niece.



And Hostess Cupcakes is no more, another tradition gone. ***sigh***



Well they are ready to go shopping, and one more trip to the storage unit for today. We do fear that the stores will already be crowded, so it will be take out dinner tonight.



Later Darklings

Shuuuuu~~~She's still asleep~~~

Dear Darklings,

I'll have to make this one short.   My 10 year old niece has been staying with me since Friday Afternoon.

She's asleep right now, last night we went to the movies to see "Skyfall" and it was so exciting, although a late night for her.  But I'm going to wake her up in a few minutes.

Long story but I'll shorten it,  Doyle is on an intensive assignment and would not be around, not a problem as I was going to do things for this long weekend.   My younger brother and his wife and their boys had sporting events (including going to the 49ner's/Rams game) for the weekend.

My niece who is not into sports set up a howl about being dragged to these things she was not interested in.
And she has homework, quick compromise, she will spend the weekend with her Elder/Elderly Goth Auntie, and the little Batling has been in heaven, at least that is what she is saying.

I've had her since Friday Afternoon when her parents dropped her off at my work when she got out of school.  But not a problem she had a reading/English assignment and was also going to check over her math work.  She's in an advance placement classes so she is working above her age and grade level, something that her brothers are not---they're not dumb but are working at their grade level, but she is out pacing them, and they are into sports which she is not.

The idea of a sports weekend was not sitting very well with her, so Auntie to the rescue and it has been interesting and eye opening for the both of us.   Today is her last day with me, and this evening we will pick up her other Auntie at the airport.

And from what has been happening I think I have a Baby Bat in the making.  I'm smiling at the thought, in some ways I see a lot of "me" in her.

Must go I hear the shower running so I know she is up. 

More to come.

Later Darklings

Gothic Charm School, Sisters and Pimps~~~~~

Dear Darklings,


I’m sure some of you have come across this book and the attendant web site, but if you haven’t then I certainly recommend it, especially for all you lovely Baby Bats.

Alright for the very few that aren’t aware of this site it’s called “Gothic Charm School” and the Mistress of Ceremonies and well known Lady of Manners is Mistress Jillian Venters.

She wrote the book “Gothic Charm School: An essential guide for Goths and those who love them” I believe you can still purchase it at Amazon.com.

For Halloween etiquette check out this page www.gothic-charm-school.com/charm/?p=21 for the rules for Halloween, so very important my Darklings, so very important.

Now if the above link doesn't work I'll post the web site on my links page.

But a book like this can help young Baby Bats to begin to negotiate the Goth life and can help parents understand some of the difficulties that young people are going through and parents cannot say they didn’t go through it, they did but back then there were other stresses, other pressures.


I’d have to say that I was lucky in many respects, having positive support and re-enforcement from my family, but once in a while my Mother or Granny would come up with a “zinger” about something, and their remark would catch me completely off guard but also remind me how really “with it” they were.



Prime example----a number of years ago when my Mother was still alive, we went the City, I think we were hunting for a wedding present and finally decided it would be easier to get a gift certificate for the future couple at a nearby store where they were registered, trust me Darklings, so much easier than trying to guess if they have a toaster or not.



As we sat on a bench to rest in old Union Square park surrounded by so many wonderful stores to give a shopaholic an overload, and come to a final decision, Mother looked up and saw a young man dressed in a dark blue shirt and tan jeans that had a red patch right were the zipper goes, Mother turned to me and asked “Is that a stain or is he advertising?”



I have to admit her remark did catch me off guard but I did take a look and said to her “It’s not a stain,” and she replied very straight faced “Well he doesn’t have much to advertise either”. When she said that I whooped with laughter and did my best to get it under control, but it was hard Darklings, trust me it was hard.



When we got home I had to share this with my younger sister, and we both were rolling around in laughter, sweet but straight laced Mother making a remark like that, of course Dad had to ask why we were laughing so much and we told him, he looked at us and also began to laugh but he got himself under control very quickly and said “You have to be careful with Mother, she can be ‘deadly’”. When our younger brother came home from playing with his friends, he couldn’t understand why we looked so silly and shrugged it off as “girl stuff”, and went into the Kitchen looking for something to eat.



Which brings me to my sister, brief bio on her, I adore her, her verve and nerve, she married soon after she graduated from college and worked part time, had two lovely children now adults, one child is married with one child her own and another on the way, the other is engaged. But my sister did divorce when she found out that her husband of 15 years was cheating on her--- with another man--- so they had a quiet divorce and set things up so the children would not be a financial burden, and surprisingly are still friends at the insistence of her ex-husbands’ boy friend. When the children were grown enough for her to work full time she found a job that is the best of many world, something she enjoys doing and gets paid for it and travels a fair amount.



My sister called me Monday evening, I’m glad and relieved that she is safe from the storm on the East Coast and we had a wonderful talk, she’ll be coming into the area from just before Thanksgiving to just after New Years, usually she looks for a very short term rental or one of those Hotels for business visitors, but she asked me if I didn’t mind putting her up for the 6 weeks or so that she’d be here.



I asked her why was she switching from her usual pattern and she replied that one of the places she’d stay at is undergoing extensive renovation, one other had increased its rates, but she’d heard from colleagues that the service was not up to par, and at one other place that she stayed at she felt unsafe as the neighborhood had changed quiet a bit. There were others but she just didn’t have the time to check them out.



I told her she could stay with me and we’d agreed that she’d pay me the increase difference in the utilities usage and also for any food should she eat at home, this is something that I know she would do anyway, because she’d write it off as a business expense and other arrangements, since she knew that I had a very crazy schedule especially around the holidays. And I felt it would be good to see her when we could between her assignments while she was here.



As a matter of fact I suggested to her that it might be good for her to use my home as her home base of operations from now on, since I had plenty of bed rooms, that way she didn’t have to worry about putting things into storage or finding a short term rental all the time. One of the bedrooms that I have is empty and she can set up her “housekeeping” there.



She liked the idea and said we could work the details out when she arrives; I’ve noticed with her over the last few years that she had become more and more Goth in outlook as well, cultivating the darker side and darker nature of life, perhaps its her work, but I do know that when she learned I had inherited our Great Aunt’s house she was thrilled beyond belief.



During our phone conversation she reminded me of the time we spent over at Grandma’s house when our family home was being fumigated for termites and that motel that was next door to Granny’s.



Oh that was an uproarious adventure.



I had just started college taking a summer class and my sister just completed her 2nd year of high school, our brother was in the 8th grade and looking forward to starting high school the next year. Dad had gone into the basement one day because of a hot water heater problem and noticed sawdust, and not the kind from sawing wood. Upon closer inspection by a professional it was pronounced that we had been invaded by termites, and on one side of the house it was bad.



The only way to get rid of them was to “tent” the house and do a serious fumigation, what a nightmare that was, every spare minute that we had when not doing homework was spent in moving things out and over to grandma’s, as much clothing as possible, towels, bedding, food and personal toiletries, boxes of things. We were glad that my sister and brother just started their Summer break and I was only taking one college course for the Summer.



What could not be moved was going to be washed so we were to be evicted until at such time it was safe to return.



It was for almost a month, so for us children we were camping on the floor of the living room, my doing homework on the dinning room table and Mother keeping peace so our brother would not pester us as younger brothers like to do. There were times he could be such an annoyance. But in a way my sister and I enjoyed it, it was sort of a long term “sleep-over”, we only wished we didn’t have annoying little brother around, how many times he came close to being drowned in Grandma’s ornamental fish pond he’ll never know. My sister and I would think of “fiendish” ways to get rid of him, which we never carried out, but it was fun thinking about it.



It was sort of seeing “Wednesday Addams” with her brother “Pugsley” just before she was going to pull the lever on the electric chair, but never carried out, it was a scene that we both could relate to.



Next door to Grandma’s house was a motel, it had off street parking as well as parking under the building, so instead of it being a 2 story building it pushed it up to being 3 story, the only saving grace was the fact that there was also a parking lot that was wide enough to have a lot of space between the motel and the house, but it could be an annoyance.



During the month we were there a pimp in his fancy convertible pimp-mobile would drop off several of his “girls” then after a few hours would come by, pull into the parking lot and honk the horn of his car so they’d come out either at 11 p.m. or Midnight, it was getting very annoying.



It being a Saturday night my Sister, Mother, Granny and I were doing our “beauty routine”, our hair was up in pink sponge rollers so we could sleep on them, our faces covered in beauty masks to tighten up our pores, the masks were made of a blue mud like substance slowly drying on our faces, painting our nails and dressed in our night gowns. I remember I was dressed in a dark blue filmy baby doll night gown with a short filmy matching robe. We were having fun while Dad and my brother stayed out of the way, Friday and Saturday were the two evenings my brother could stay up late and they were watching “Creature Features” that night.



We were upstairs in Granny’s bedroom, her windows overlooked the roof to her laundry room, and we could have an excellent view of her back yard and the parking lot to the motel. As a matter of fact more than once we’d climb out of those windows to pick the fruit off of the apple tree that grew on the other side of her house, but we had to be careful because the roof on the laundry room sloped slightly downward.



And that evening, once again the Pimp in his pimp-mobile showed up and started honking his horn, after dealing with this for several weeks and I knew Granny had been dealing with it for months, I grabbed Grandpa’s old double barrel shot gun that Granny had mounted on a rack on the wall in the hall, the shotgun didn’t work any more as the firing pins were very worn down.



Here was I just mad as hell about this annoyance, in my dark blue baby doll night gown and robe, wearing pink sponge rollers in my hair, a blue mud pack on my face and pink fuzzy-wuzzy slippers on my feet (I had not done my pedicure yet).



I went to the windows climbed out and slowly walked on the roof to the edge that overlooked the parking lot, I could hear Mother saying to me “What are you going to do?” and my sister saying “Be careful.”



I could see very clearly the pimp and his car with the convertible rag top down so you could clearly see them in the car; two of his girls were getting in with the third lagging behind.



I yelled out “Get your Ass and your cheap girl’s asses out of here and don’t come back!! Otherwise I’m gonna put a extra hole in Your Ass!!!”, I shouldered the non-working shot-gun to my shoulder as if I knew how to use it and the Pimp and his girls looked up and they all screamed at what must have been the sight from hell with a shot-gun.



The pimp gunned his car back wards and hit a concrete pole doing some serious back end damage, his third girl was running to the car losing her high heeled platform shoes and yelling at him “Don’ leave me!!!” she jumped in the back seat of the convertible head first and as the pimp spun his car around and hit the front end of his car on the same pole, her legs were waggling in the air and one could see she was not wearing any underwear, the car left rubber tire tread marks on the road as he took off with the girls ducking down fearful that I might shoot at them. (which I couldn’t shoot anyway)



The temporary tenants of the motel and the motel manager came out and saw what was causing the commotion. I heard some laughter as they took in the scene.



After the pimp and his girls took off down the road, I carefully went back to the windows and climbed back in while Dad and my brother came running up the stairs to see what had started the ruckus and saw me calmly putting the old shotgun back on the rack in the hall. Mother and Granny explained to Dad what I had done while my sister was laughing so hard she fell backwards onto Granny’s bed.



Dad looked at me, then at the shot gun, looked at me again, then back to the shot gun, finally he turned to me and said “I think that Pimp was more afraid of what you looked like instead of the shotgun.” And he and my brother who was laughing and saying “wait till I tell my buddies about you!” went back down stairs to finish “Creature Features.”



At first I was puzzled by Dad’s calm remark until I took a look in the mirror and saw what Jeff Foxworthy calls “The Creature From the Cold Cream Lagoon”, and found myself laughing along with everyone else.



That Pimp and his girls never did come back.



There were some other adventures which I’ll tell about another time.



Later Darklings