Of Beauty Routines and what has worked for me~~~~

Hello My Darklings,
Some of you have asked what is my beauty routine, especially for an elder/elderly Goth.


Well to have a good beauty routine when you’re “old” means to establish a good beauty routine when you’re young.



From an early age my Mother instilled into me and my sister a good beauty and health routine, even when we were going through a difficult time, by maintaining that routine helped give us a measure of stability in our lives.



Lets start with teeth, teeth helps us to chew and digest our food, so having good, healthy teeth is important, proper diet to help build strong bones is the basis for it, brushing in the morning and after every meal, flossing and gum massaging is also important, regular check ups with the dentist as well.



But keeping sweets to a minimum is very important, as well as acid foods and drinks; candy, soft drinks and even acidic foods are damaging to the tooth enamel. Staying with fruits, vegetables and a health portion of protein helps.



Now this is in keeping with diet, and I don’t mean you should go vegetarian or vegan, I’ve encountered too many people who have been on those types of diets and frankly quite a number of them come across as very weird. Of course for many people being in the Goth culture may seem weird to others, but I’ve come across those not in the Goth scene who were Vegetarian/Vegan and frankly I have a tendency to stay away from them, especially when they become extremely militant about food and drink. There are limits My Darklings.



The body needs to digest a certain amount of animal protein to encourage natural insulin production and many on a Veggie diet have to take too many supplements to do that and in the long run is not healthy, so a balance diet that has a lot of fruit, veggies, some grains, a little fat and a certain amount of animal protein is important. Sad to say I’ve been acquainted with a few people who were militant vegetarians who attempted suicide with some succeeding …Mother use to say to me “If they only had a bit of cake or ice cream or a nice hamburger maybe they’d still be here”



Staying away from fast food helps, especially when they want you to super-size it, but there are times when one has no choice, but places like Burger King and Carl’s Jr. are now offering salads with bits of chicken or tuna and that is a good alternative, I have to admit when I’ve been in a rush and only a Burger King is around I get their Chicken/Cranberry salad with the apple cider vinaigrette. Avoid fried foods if at all possible.



Once every two weeks (and usually on a Sunday) I’ll prepare a number of foods and freeze them for quick cooking, but sometimes Doyle will do a meal or my sister, and having a slow cooker helps as well, so if you don’t want to always order pizza and have to work a bit late doing something like that to have healthy meals is always good, I’ve even prepared meatloaf the night before to just pop into the oven the next evening. Giving a bit of thought on food preparation helps to eat healthy.



When I was attending school, we didn’t have a school lunch program; Mother packed a healthy lunch for use, tuna fish or eggs salad sandwiches, if we had pot roast for Sunday we almost always had left over pot roast in our sandwiches, or a meat loaf sandwich or chicken salad sandwich, and it was always from something left over from a meal or two before, nothing was ever wasted, our thermos always had milk.



Mother always cautioned us to shake the thermos, if it rattled it meant that the glass lining was broken and to not drink the milk, a few times I was stuck with drinking water because some nasty boy would knock over my lunch box to break the thermos, I’d tell Mother and she would go to that child’s house and tell the parent they owed for a new thermos and tell them why. Each one of those boys never deliberately knocked over mine or my siblings lunch boxes again. It was not nice to mess with Mother.



Desert would be sliced apples, dipped in lemon juice to prevent them from browning, and everything wrapped in wax paper. Because of such hardy lunches, when we got home the only thing we’d want would be an apple or pear, and when they were in season, nectarines, apricots or peaches. We learned to love fresh fruit. But we had to brush our teeth, Mother could be a strict taskmaster.



I frequently will pack a lunch from home, it saves money, and time and I know what I’m eating. At my desk I have a pretty cosmetic bag that contains travel size toothpaste and mouthwash and well as those dental picks, I keep a toothbrush in a travel container.



When I go out I have a very small travel toothbrush that I keep in my purse to do a quick brush of my teeth in the ladies room, I’ll wet it down, go into a stall and do my brushing privately. And no matter how late at night I would come home from a date, brushing my teeth was and is mandatory. I still have my own teeth and except for the root canal work being done now, hardly any cavities.



Many people feel that if something is labeled organic or range free that it is, not necessarily, almost something that is not organic is involved, know your food source is the best motto. And if you can, get organic, if you can afford it. Process meats like hot dogs and the packaged cooked ham will have too many nitrates, so always check the ingredients on the packages.



Now that is not to say you can’t on occasion indulge in KFC or some of the others or a family/friends Bar-B-Que, you should really, as a treat, but then get right back to eating healthy. And this needs to start in childhood.



Avoid sweets such as pastry, cakes, pies, candy, ice cream and again the soda’s even Snapple, by avoiding sweets will result in the best in terms of health and prevent as much as possible weight gain…but in celebration or family gathering its fine, and again get right back on healthy eating. Now once in a while I will come down with a tremendous craving for something sweet, even a soda, but just a small amount will suffice, I’ve seen for sale those small 8 oz cans of soda and even ½ of that will tame my craving. I look upon that as an occasional treat, in celebration of something but not an every day thing.



Mother loved to bake, so if there was a bake sale, my siblings and I were guaranteed a cookie or cup cake for dessert that evening----after we did our homework.



Exercise---I cannot stress that enough, I’m not talking about running or even bicycling, just good old-fashion walking works very well, getting into a dance class to do ball room dancing is fun, fantastic and very healthy, doing some weights for the upper arms is helpful to avoid flabby under arms, if you don’t gain weight the under arms do not become flabby, exercising the abdominal and gluts as well are important. Swimming is good aerobics with mild resistance and builds up your breath in take.



I was lucky to get involved in dance, ballet and ballroom are the best and helps with being able to move elegantly, I’ve even done belly dancing as well and found moves that I didn’t know I could do. Personally it has made things interesting for me and Doyle.



Avoid exercise that can cause greenstick fractures or what is called shin splints, running does that, although at times with ballroom you could develop that, but less so because you are not dancing on hard street surfaces that you do in running or endangering your life with auto traffic when bicycling.



Getting plenty of sleep is important to allow the body to replenish itself, although many parents bemoan the fact that teens especially boys will sleep all day if they could, there are studies that show that teens, because their bodies are growing do need more sleep, but it is up to the parent to make sure they go to bed at a reasonable hour and then get them up and outside to do yard work for their health----I know a lot of you are thinking “yeah, right!” But you as the parent are the one’s to create boundaries, limits, duties they must do to earn benefits, and responsibilities, as well as being involved in family things and events..



Sleep is also important to allow the mind in the dream state to help with problem solving, and lowering blood pressure and helping with your heart rate, Meditation is excellent to relive stress, as well as living a life style that reduces stress, my parents always said to never live beyond one’s means, only have 25 percent of your income go to debt, preferably less. As one person puts it, income $20.00, expenditures $19.90 equals’ happiness, expenditures $20.10 equals’ un-happiness.



For many years I worked nights and slept days, my body eventually got use to it, but in time I discovered especially as I got older that was not a healthy routine for me, but at the time I had no choice. Trying to sleep during the day could be difficult I had to prepare my bedroom in a way so that I would not be disturbed, sleep masks, ear plugs and putting a note on my door that said “Day Sleeper, do not disturb upon pain of dismemberment and death” helped but there are some Jehovah Witnesses that discovered my wrath when I was disturbed.



When I was able to get day work my health improved, and although there are nights when I will stay up late to “howl at the moon”, at my age I can’t do that much any more and it is a wise Elder/Elderly Goth to realize that.



So being out all night and then working all day is not a good healthy routine, but if you are a natural night person, that is fine, but do take vitamins to compensate for the lack of sunlight and for the fact that your hours are reversed.



During my work day, no matter what I allow at least 15 minutes to relax to do my prayerful meditation, no calls, no conferences, this is especially good in the afternoon after I do that I will eat a bit of fruit to appease the “hunger gods”. I’ve also found that by taking time when I get home from work to do the rosary, before I do anything else, also relieved the stress from work, if you are not Catholic then 15 minutes of quiet meditation and deep breathing will help clear your mind but your life partner also needs to be on board with this. Lots of times when allowing to do that it avoids angry confrontation and any disagreements can be talked about in a calm manner. Those 15 minutes can be vital.



Avoid tanning, or being out in the sun too much, a lot of people love to be in the Sun especially during the summer but if you are then use a wide, wide brim hat, long sleeves, a parasol and high SPF sun screen. Neutrogena has sunscreen that is up to 100 and 110, I use it and I swear by it.



When I want to work outside in the garden I get up early and work out there until 10 a.m. then I do not go back out until after 4 p.m. This is especially true during the late Spring, Summer and early Fall hours.



I also wear gloves, light cotton gloves for summer, heavy ones during the cold months, to protect my hands, I use dishwashing gloves when I’m hand washing anything, gardening gloves for working in the garden and I wear the cheap cotton throw away gloves that are used by photographers and archivists, when I am dusting or cleaning house, although I do have a batch of them, what I do when they become too dirty is I wash them like I’m washing my hands, rinse and hang them to dry. I also use a good hand lotion on my hands during the day and at night.



Having a good mani-pedi cure even without using nail polish is important especially to work cuticle cream into the areas around the nails, I work cuticle cream into my nails as part of my nightly beauty routine, and one should always be watching for any signs of infection or nail fungus especially with the toes is important to keep healthy nails. I make sure to avoid calluses on my feet especially the heels, using a pumice stone and massaging a foot cream designed for the heel area is always good.



I use Dove soap for sensitive skin for bathing and Aveeno skin cream, for facial lotions I use products by Estee Lauder and their Clinique line.



For hair I have used Pantene products, but once when I was on a business trip (I was forced to fly) I could not pack my hair products, the store that I went to did not carry Pantene (how primitive) but only cheaper products. They did have Suave, and I found that they worked just as well if I bought the upper line of Suave products, since I had to travel light on my return trip, I left them in my hotel room with a note to House Keeping that I could not travel with them and keep my luggage under the weight limit and they were welcome to them.



In cosmetics I’ve found products by the Estee Lauder and Clinique line to work very well, I do use Almay and Physicians Formula, Physicians Formula also has a pearlizing powder that does very well to soften the face and give a glow to it. It is especially good for the evening and gives a shimmer effect. Just be careful of the amount one puts on one’s face.



One cosmetic line that I’m very fond of because they are naturally made is Besame Cosmetics, all of their face, lip and eye products reflects the colors and packaging of the 1930’s and 40’s although they have come out with two lip colors that reflect the 1920’s, their Black Licorice lip gloss is wonderful, as well as their Red Noir. Their products were used for the latest “The Great Gatsby” movie. I’ve included their link on my side bar. Their packaging is so wonderful and elegant perfect for a Goth, or a Film Noir Fan.



I cannot tell you what is a good face cleaning program but I have used facial scrubs and astringents when my face becomes too oily, but as one gets older the face does change, and I make sure that I change my facial program as well.



There is one thing that I use that my Mother use to use and that is a product called “Porcelana” to lighten any brown spots on one’s face and give even skin tone, but I noticed that for Mother it seemed to keep her face youthful even when she was well into her 80’s. I started using it in my mid-teens with Mother’s permission and it seems to help me. It is also important to apply a moisturizer to one’s neck area to lessen the look of a crape neck.



In applying makeup---I do use red lipstick but I stay with colors that work for me, the lighter brighter reds were fine when I was young but now I seem to be using the deeper darker reds, it all depends upon one’s complexion, the Berry reds can look good on some women but not all, even though they maybe the current fashion.



Always remember to apply makeup to look natural and lightly if possible, too heavy a makeup on an elder/elderly Goth looks clownish or overly theatrical. And remember what looks good on a 20 or 30 something may not look good on a 50 or 60 something, unless it’s Halloween or a costume party then the sky is the limit.



On eye shadow I only apply color to the crease of my eye, keeping the area under the brow a light color as well as the eye lid, during the day I use a matt color and in the evening an iridescent, as long as it does not collect in any creases. If that starts happening then it is time to consider something else. A color that complements your eye color is always good.



I also apply a moisturizer that is geared for the delicate area under the eye as well as the lid; I do under the eye in the morning and both the lid and under the eye as part of my bedtime routine; I’ve been doing that since my late teens.



On eye liner, again one has to consider the shape of one’s eye, a cats eye line may not work for everyone, I’ve found that if I do a slight lift just short of the outside end of my eye that seems to work for me.



I did talk about nail polish in another post for Elder/Elderly Goths as well as in home decorating for those who are now reaching a point in their lives when being mobile is difficult. Please check my back posts.



Keeping hydrated is very important, I try to drink almost a liter bottle of water everyday; because my special indulgence is coffee with hazelnut creamer I try to offset the dehydrating effects of coffee and even when I drink wine by keeping hydrated.



Because of my back injuries it has been hard for me to exercise, but my therapists has come up with exercises that I can do and since my back is much stronger I can start swimming again, and hopefully in the next two months go back to doing my dance classes, but I’ll have to go back to beginner again to get back the tone that I have lost, I was able to keep up with the upper arm exercises. Doyle will be glad; he’s been missing our date nights for dancing.



Have I ever had a face lift? Well so far no, but that is not to say I haven’t considered it, but even now I don’t feel the need for it. Except maybe for a little upper lid eye lift, and a slight neck skin lift, nothing extreme just a little, sometimes the upper eye area will start pouching down and a little removal is not bad, also under the eye pouching, like saddle bag pouches, now I do not suffer from that but a friend of mine did. She went to a highly recommended plastic surgeon and he said “just a little, remember you are mid-50 something not 20 something, it will be just to make you look better but not necessarily younger” and he was right, the saddlebag pouches were removed and she did look better, and although he cautioned her that it was not going to be a youth renewal, she did look younger, I think by cautioning her to not have great expectations, her realization with the final outcome was much better for her.



Extreme cosmetic surgery for Elder/Elderly Goths I do not recommend, and I do not recommend liposuction. The mother of a rap singer did that when it was recommended that she not do that and the poor woman died because of her vanity. And look at the face of Kenny Rodgers, one can hardly recognize him. No, if one is considering surgery just a little lift to look a little better, but remember your age.



Even Joan Collins at age 79 looks FANTASTIC! But she doesn’t go to extremes.

So when I’m ready I’ll consider it.



I think by following what I do, keeping well covered, using hats, parasols, sunglasses and sunscreen has been very helpful for me to keep a youthful looking skin. I’ve had people mistake me for being in my mid-forties, and in the evening with very soft light I’ve had a few young men think I was in my late 30’s, although I think that might not happen so often anymore, but when it does I’m flattered.



I do take vitamins and Iron, my doctor has also increased my vitamin D3 intake to 2000 units once a day for my bones, since I do avoid the sun.



I am tall about 5’ 7”, slender, with dark almost black hair with a little gray although I do have a natural gray streak over my right side, my hair is straight and still thick, my eyes are greenish with some brownish flecks, and yes I do have to use glasses now a days for reading. And Sunglasses with a good high UV rating is a must, I wear them anytime I’m outside, it reduces the chance of developing cataracts.



My eye lashes use to be thicker but over the years have thinned a bit, my eye brows are almost shaped like Gloria Holden’s in “Dracula’s Daughter” I started shaping them that way when I was a teen and they’ve remained that way though all the fashion changes. Why? Because for some reason the style seems to suit my face, but its always wise not to have one’s face “frozen in time”, one has to make reasonable changes.



It is wise to always know what sort of shape your face is, is it square, diamond shaped, round, rectangular, triangle, or oval shaped, is it long or short, is your forehead and chin broad or narrow, are your eyes, large, small, too close together or far apart, is your neck long or short, thick or thin, as well as the shape of your body, one make-up or hair style maybe fine for one shape of face but wrong for another. So as you age check the shape of your face, neck and body.



And that is another thing I recommend, besides regular check ups with your dentist also have regular check ups with your doctor and eye care physician, by doing that you will always have a base line for your health as you age and can take steps to keep yourself healthy.



I wash my clothing in any hypo-allergenic laundry soap that is fragrance free, I started with “All” but “Tide” and “Gain” has come out with laundry soaps for sensitive skin as well. Although I do know of people who have extremely sensitive skin and need to get their products from a specialty source.



As one gets older things do begin to sag a bit, and there can be a little weight gain, it is not unusual for women who have been slender all their lives to have anywhere from a 5 to 10 pound weight gain, I’ve been able to keep close to my college weight, but there are some women I’ve encountered who are angry they cannot get down to their high school weight.



Wake up I say to them, even in High School you have not attained full growth, I was surprised when I grew another two inches in college, that surprised me. It also explained why my bone joints ached so much in college. I do use a light weight garter belt support for my tummy area, even though I do abdominal work on that area. And I never wear pantyhose, or thong panties, they are an invitation to an infection in an area one does not want to have.



I’ve had some people ask me about dying one’s hair, I feel that is a personal preference but I do recommend that you have a professional do it, especially if you also perm your hair, then the professional can time when to do your color and your perm. Mother kept dying her hair until she turned 80, then she said she might as well “Let it all hang out”, but Dad got upset and asked her to start dying it again and so she did “as long as we can afford it” she said.



I’ve never dyed my hair although my sister does, but she chooses a color that matches her original hair color to not be so obvious. And she looks younger than me well she is younger by 5 years. But because she follows the same routine as I do she has been able to keep her youthful appearance, in spite of having lovely two daughters and they too follow the same routine as their mother.



Most of my maintenance beauty routine is at night, I have my favorite programs, but since I have to get up early in the morning, I’ll be watching my later night programs in the bedroom while I’m doing my beauty routine, and since my bathroom is adjacent it is not a problem for me, even Doyle is use to it. In the morning it’s cleaning and preparing my face for makeup, everything is laid out ready to use, in the evening, if we are not going out or having visitors, I will remove my makeup and clean my face to allow the pores to breathe. On days where I’m not going any where special, I will only use moisturizer and Sun Screen and lipstick.  And I always wear perfume, it is my signature.  The only time I avoid perfume is if we are picnicking in the wilds, don't want to attract mosquito's.



And I will do some exercises to keep my body toned; one can do it while watching T.V. or the news, but before my back injury I would take a dance class at least one evening a week just to keep myself in shape, during the summer I go to an indoor pool for swimming, and take at least two dance classes during the evening, I walk to and from the bus stop, to BART or go bus to the Ferry and then walk to my job, even in the rain. Walking in the Evening with Belladonna is also good and on the weekend I walk her early in the morning and at night. Doyle has gotten into the habit with me, especially at night.



Being in a routine is very important for health, beauty, maintenance of one’s clothing and one’s mind. Taking time to enjoy the simple things in life helps keep a mental and physical balance as well, living within one’s means is important as well as saving for emergencies, to prevent stress, for I believe that besides not enough rest, an improper diet, the biggest killer of one’s health is Stress, so relieving that stress is so very important.



But I think I inherited excellent DNA because I hardly have any gray hair except for that streak and very few wrinkles.



Another thing one should consider, and it can help to make for healthy choices, some women are not meant to look like twigs, and some are naturally “jolly” in shape, but it’s always best to be at the weight that is healthy and best for you. If being overweight runs in the family, accept that but avoid becoming obese, accept the fact that you are a size 14 or 16 and will never be a size 2, if you are a healthy size 14 or 16, stay in shape, eat healthy then you have no complaints.



One of my favorite programs is “Criminal Minds” and I love the character of Penelope Garcia, she is not a size 2, more of a 14 but she is smart, lovable, compassionate and quirky. I like that. I’m glad that they chose an actress to display those special qualities is pretty and is not a size 2.



Later Darklings

Of the Boston Bomber Capture~~~~

Hello Darklings,

Well the news for many is good, the younger brother involved in the Boston bombings was captured alive, injured but alive.  His older brother is dead,  it seems that the night before the capture, one of them shot and killed an MIT police officer, they hijacked a car and it's driver, abandoned them and tried to hide in Waterton (Watertown?) there was a shoot out, the oldest was killed.  The youngest got away for 24 hours.

A man who had a boat stored in his back yard noticed blood on the covering and called 911 and the younger brother was captured.

I'm glad that at least one of them is alive, I hope we will get answers to why they did it.

But as I understand from interviews with family members, the oldest brother was always in trouble and could influence the younger brother, which is sad because the younger brother was on his way to getting a medical degree, an Uncle called them "Losers" and that they shamed the family.  In another interview a boxing coach said that the older brother could easily influence the younger brother into doing the wrong thing.

Of course the father and an aunt say they were framed and its a conspiracy, but the Mother has said that the oldest brother was under F.B.I. surveillance but didn't seem to be a credible threat, there were no out ward signs of what they were planning to do.

But Doyle, my sister and I agree we won't know the full story, there are so many theories flying about, not until the surviving brother can be interviewed and that information is released will we know anything.

Many people are saying that this bombing is done by the government, this is especially bandied about by conspiracy theorists.   Especially as there had been no credible red flag, and people are saying that the younger is such a nice boy.  But the elder brother became more involved in his faith and there had been at least one, possibly more domestic violence arrests on the elder for beating up his wife whom he allegedly brow-beat to join his religion.  Again I do use the word "allegedly", as this is an on going investigation.

But because people can't believe that they are bombers or terrorists they are shocked.

Personally my sister and I and Doyle are not so shocked.   I am especially reminded of a line from Shakespeare "To Smile and smile and still be a villain".

Each of us have come across people like that, people whom we were led to believe were good people but do horrible and heinous crimes, Doyle in his previous line of work especially.  My sister and I we learned through Life Experiences.

People who were friendly, polite, helpful yet turned out to be monsters of the worse kind.  And young people whose nureau synapses are still over-firing and have not learned caution, reason, wisdom or any real life experience, all so easy to manipulate into a life of crime or terrorism.

My late Elder brother, even at his young age always said to not put him on a pedestal, to not make him a hero.   He was a good young man, but he made the mistake of trusting a best friend who was not a friend, this person was the one who killed him.    My family had no inkling that my brother's friend could do that or was capable of doing that.

But I soon learned different, it was not an accident, it was willful and deliberate.   So by the age of 12 I had learned the extreme dark side of the mind.   I knew by age 12 horrible tragedy by life events.  And I decided to learn more about the dark side,  my parents fortunately understood and guided me and gave me emotional support.  All of this added to my eventual gothicness, and added to my strength.  My sister eventually followed in her own way. 

But I thank my parents for bringing me up into the air and into the light as needed so I would not drown in such evil.  I thank them for giving me humor, and seeing the weird side of life as well.   We could be like the Addams Family or the Munsters, but with a touch of X-Files,  Kolchack the Night Stalker, One Step Beyond and a teeny-tiny bit of Dexter.

Why a teeny-tiny bit of Dexter?  My Father, bless him, hung a fraud "out to dry" by exposing this person's scheme in such a way that only the criminal was hurt and no one else.

But now the weather is beautiful and Sis and I are going shopping with little Belladonna along for the ride in her tote bag.  And not to worry I'm taking my rolling walker along just in case I tire.  I feel it is time to look for "Summer Cothing".

Later Darklings

Of further Updates on the Boston Tragedy and memories of another event~~~

Dear Darklings,

My mind is just reeling of what has happened and information flying in so fast and furious.

So far 3 are dead, over 170 are injured some critically.  The reports of two unexploded bombs were incorrect and so far the fire at JFK Library just co-incidence.

Many runners are making plans to do a sort of "Run to show we are not intimidated" Marathon, people refusing to allow something like this change their lives except to be more vigilant.  Which is the only true course of action.

I am reading and hearing conflicting reports that a suspect has either been arrested or has been identified, I am not sure which, perhaps the news casters on the east coast have more information.

Doyle make an interesting remark to me when he came home late last night, he said that he hopes they check the roofs and any areas were the windows were exploded inward as that could contain important pieces of evidence and according to the noon time (PDT) broadcast they had done just that and found something.

Quiet heroes are emerging from this holocaust, people just doing what they felt was only right to do and those who are trained to do any emergency work.

I feel it will take me a few more days to get my mind back on real life again, and I can understand this desire to want more information to be updated constantly.

When Kennedy was shot in 1963 Mother was glued to the television set, Dad had to get a long antenna wire extension so that she could roll the t.v. set from the kitchen into the living room so she could do her work and still hear the news.  She saw when Jack Ruby shot the alleged killer and it happened live, I remember when I came home after picking up my younger sister and brother at school,  she was just sitting on the couch with her mouth open, almost unable to speak, all she could say was "someone shot him!  some man in the crowd shot him!"   I had to call Grandma and Uncle Mannie drove her to our house, she had to get Mother in gear just to make dinner, so sis and I dashed to the market across the street to get ground round to make meat loaf, it was the easiest thing to make for 7 people.  

For some reason that meat loaf tasted real good, I think because Mom and Grandma in a daze threw everything into it, long green onions, diced tomatoes,  we had some left over baked potatoes so we had mashed potatoes with bits of green onions in it and fresh string beans,  Grandma said to buy a pound of string beans and sis and I were kept occupied trimming, washing and cutting the beans.  Uncle Mannie took our brother outside to play catch until Dad got home.

Grandma turned off the T.V. and said "That is enough news for now."  That was a very sad November.

And even now I simply will not turn on the television until it is time for the regular news,  I have to get my mind back together.

And now a little bit of good news,  in the beginning of May my Lawyer and the defendant's lawyer and us will meet at my lawyers office to discuss a settlement, but it will be hefty, there will be no bargaining, it's either what I want or we go to court, which he doesn't want.

I have seen my doctor and he said I can go to my office next week to talk to my co-workers to see what is happening, my back spasms seemed to have ceased, but we'll know better when I'm back to work, the bruising is now just reddish and the cut on my cheek will only need the slightest of cosmetic surgery and even the discoloration will fade, I've not used any make up because I didn't want it to be in any way infected.

But considering how bruised I was even applying makeup was painful.   I'm walking more have even taken Belladonna on her walks with either Ella or Louise with me.  Doing the heat therapy seemed to have helped me heal much faster.  And I have to admit I've gotten very spoiled being waited upon, but that will stop eventually. 


I could not resist this, for several weeks I felt like that


I still get a little weakness in my legs and on occasion a little dizzy, but the Doctor has ruled out head trauma but if the occasional dizziness persists he will look into that further.

But I most likely will not go back to work until the end of May.   Why so long?  Doctor wants to be completely sure I can handle the work, I feel like that character "Rocky" getting ready for a prize fight, only its getting strong enough to work.

And now I must go, Louise says its time for Belladonna's and mine afternoon walk.  Where is that theme from "Rocky"?

Later Darklings

Sparkly Vampires need not apply~~~~~

Darklings,

I’ve been busy catching up on my writing, and I’ve been pondering this thought about the “Twilight” series.


I have read the “Twilight” Series books (I made it as part of my ‘required reading’), and I can understand why young pre-teen and teenage Baby Bats and even their mothers in some cases, can be attracted to the characters as presented in these books.



Especially Baby Bat Girls---- that being said I understand why Stephanie Meyer is so clever. She certainly understands what makes a young teen age girl’s, and even a homosexual young man’s, heart all drippy with sex hormones which is perhaps the only reason why the saga has such a strong following. Without sexy immortal men what do you have? Nothing but teenage angst and how boring teenage angst is.



But as literature, serious literature it is nothing, just barely a step up from the old “Penny Dreadful’s” that Victorian Parlor maids read and shared amongst themselves as titillating reading.



My first encounter with vampires, at least fictionally, was when I read “Dracula”, far more moody, convoluted and terrifying. And it is terrifying, frightening and confusing to come face to face with one’s own awakening maturing sexuality.



But I, like Anne Rice, many years ago, was also visually affected when I saw “Dracula’s Daughter” with Gloria Holden, it was a sequel to the original Dracula. The sequel was about this beautiful daughter of Dracula who was an artist in London, and she felt drinking blood was a curse. That film mesmerized me with its beautiful, sensitive and mildly seductive scenes; even when the Countess Zaleska was dealing with a bumbling English Bobby it was sensitive.



It made the point to me what vampires were--- elegant, tragic, sensitive people but because of their being different they were public outcasts and they suffered the agony of this fact, this echoed within me, for I was the same way, I was not into the “bobby-sock” life of the teenager, I questioned things that were beyond the limited interests of the upper grade school and high school levels. In my own mildly “Wednesday Addams” way, I was different, not stupid or dumb but different and not into the teenage stuff of that time, I mean Elvis Presley and the Beatles were talented and enjoyable to listen and dance to but I was not into the adoration they generated, Christopher Lee was more my style.



I was becoming nihilistic towards things that interested the “bobby-socker” as to being meaningless, the only thing that saved me completely from nihilism was my parents and grandparents; they showed me that there were certain important things that we need to have an interest in to achieve a livelihood and that even if I felt that life was meaningless there was and is meaning within it, which at the time we cannot see, we needed to look beyond the minutiae, cease to focus on that and look at a much bigger picture and even if I did develop an atheistic outlook on life, there still was meaning.



And that is what irritates me about the comedy “Seinfeld” it focuses on minutiae without focusing on the real issues of life---if that is what makes a comedy then we as a species are in serious trouble.



Fortunately thanks to my family’s intervention, understanding and love, I never did develop an atheistic outlook, for with their help, they showed me that God Laughs with a peculiar sense of humor and the Devil takes his own. With my family’s help I have seen a much bigger picture and learned to enjoy my being an “outcast” especially if I have skills that the “muggles” need, and plead with me to apply.



But sparkly vampires????? Please Darklings…..



“Twilight” is a candy apple walk in the park compared to “Dracula” where without personal strength or protections you could be “devoured” by this fiend, but it also showed the repressed sexuality that Victorians were dealing with, as well as being subjugated to another’s will, against one’s own will.



These vampires that I grew up with were Darkness, dark evil darkness of the kind you do not want to be a part of.



Now a days we would call them abusers, trapping you in a life of sex slavery, drugs and degradation. Even Christopher Lee’s portrayal of Dracula was a warning to young women everywhere, and yes, Darklings, I’ve outgrown that presentation although I still admire Mr. Lee as an actor.



That is why I feel that the vampire’s in the “Twilight” series and others of that ilk are “lies”. It makes them into romantic “fairies” instead of the dangerous creatures they are, young people forget that vampires “feed” on you.



Physically, emotionally, psychologically and psychically.



Perhaps that is the advantage of being an Elder/Elderly Goth, we can say “Been there, done that, bought the T-shirt many times over”.



In time as Baby Bats mature (at least we hope they do mature) they will understand these things, I can understand the romanticism about vampires, one wants something elegant, romantic, even knowledgeable in this 21st century sterile, computerized, Ipod, Ipad world.



I can understand why young girls get tired and turned off on the “gangsta” look with the baggy jeans hanging down to the guys’ knees, with the young male holding up the front of those oversize jeans with one hand on the crotch area as if they have the clap and need to scratch it all the time in perpetual masturbation, and the guys overblown male macho attitude that “you’re my possession, Bi%$#!”



Young Baby Bats are not anyone’s possession, but they are their parents children, and as your parents child, those are the ones you should ask advise from, for if they are wise and loving, they will understand, but be careful of those who allegedly profess their mis-guided “love” for you, especially if their “love” is more like being possessive.



For anyone to read even the literature of “Twilight” tells me that young Baby Bats want something better than what is being offered to them, but you have to work for it, Darklings and don’t settle for 3rd or 4th best.



But “sparkly”??? Please Darklings, no Tinker Belle fairy dust.



To all you Baby Bats, admit that what you want is style, elegance, consideration of your own feelings (very important), compassion, romance, understanding and knowledge to learn from.



Baby Bats want someone that is knowledgeable, is also willing to get out into the real world, be willing to earn a living and make something of themselves, not a couch potato, beer drinking, ex-jock, but also will not manipulate you, that is very important.



But never settle for someone just because you think you can’t get anything better, you can my Darkling Baby Bats you can, but you have to work on yourself, your education, your style and never settle for anything less.



Ignore those persons that think that you are acting like you’re “Too Good” or being a “Stuck Up Bi%#$”. Any one who is trying to improve themselves and their life is not being that way and you, my Baby Bats are not. It is because these others, they don’t even want to try to improve themselves, but you do and they cannot stand that, they would prefer to drag you down to their level, and any Goth worth his or her salt or black nail polish would never, ever do that.



A long time ago I personally set those standards for myself, and along the way I did make some mistakes, fortunately nothing that I could not extricate myself from, because for me the first “hint” of surrendering my personal self, subjugating my goals and ideals to another’s instead of them being a partner or even attempting to understand my work, was enough for me to say “thanks, but no thanks, there’s the door, don’t let it hit your ass on the way out”.



I remember the first time I was seriously developing feelings for one young man, and he intimated that he was interested in a permanent relationship leading to marriage, I thought at that time my happiness would be nearly complete, remember my Darklings I was young at the time, just into my mid-twenties (many life times ago).



But then one evening over dinner at a very nice restaurant, things changed and changed very quickly and drastically the moment he referred to my work as being an “over-glorified file clerk”.



I looked at him, knowing exactly the type of work I was doing was nothing of that sort, so I asked him quiet gently what gave him that opinion of my job and work.



I listened very carefully to what he said, belittling me, belittling the job that I had to do, him saying in a disparaging way, that the pains it took me to do it well and correctly was nothing, and that it didn’t matter to the care and well-being of other people, nor to bring peace and answers to relatives.



He completely ignored me or how quiet I became as he continued talking in his “superior manner”; he was totally wrapped up in proving how superior he was and how inferior I was. That was a dangerous mistake for him to make. For in that instance the minute he started denigrating my work, my life, my choices, and more importantly even my family, he was, in my mind, completely struck off of my list of worth-while male suitors.



Taking care to not reveal my inner anger as it seethed and boiled, (trust me Darklings, it took a lot of strength of will to not want to “slam dunk” that piece of garbage into the nearest dumpster or toss hot coffee into his face), he continued on telling me about the plans he had for me to become a “nice little wifey” and raising 2 plus children, subjugating my wishes and thoughts and molding them to “his” ideals.



I smiled at him and murmured “How interesting” as I listened to him going on and on about “His plans” and “His goals” and “His ideas of marriage” and how he planned on seeing me dress in a way he “approved of” and what I was to do and cutting my work time to hourly and then eventually my giving up working to raise “HIS” children.



He was completely unaware that the more he talked the more I became silent, saying nothing to him, he was completely caught up in his monologue of his plans for “us”.



Eventually he saw me home after I suffered though a very tedious and upsetting evening, which he thought in his mind, was going just perfectly. While I was suffering through his selfish, self-centered snobbish soliloquy, I planned on what I was going to do to let him know My displeasure.



He walked me to the front door of my apartment and as I unlocked and opened the door (I was living in court type apartment complex) he asked if I was going to invite him in as the night was warm, and the water in the courtyard fountain was splashing gaily, I stopped before I entered and looked directly at him and suddenly with a snarl on my lips said “Never more!”



I quickly went in, closed and locked the door. When he recovered from his initial shock from my sudden explosion of anger, he proceed to bang on my front door for a good long while calling my name, pleading with me to open the door so we could talk and “work things out” as the neighbors leaned out their windows telling him to shut up before someone called the police.



While he was banging and yelling at my door, I wrote out a note describing his faults, his selfishness, and why I was breaking up with him, I then dressed in a black filmy nightgown and robe.



He was very persistent, completely intent on not giving up, and continued for a long time assaulting my front door despite the threats from my neighbors to call the police, I was upstairs by this time and from my upper bedroom window that was over the front door I saw that the police had arrived. How perfect I thought.



As the police officers talked to him to try and find out why he was having a case of “Love Labors Lost” I opened my window and sweetly called out to the police officers “Hello Officers” I said, catching their rapt attention.



They all looked up at me in my romantic and sexy filmy black night gown and robe, and their mouths hung open at seeing me dressed so, I could tell they did admire my assets, as a matter of fact old Mr. Miller from next door, could see me quiet well and gave a “wolf whistle,” Mr. Miller might have been old, very old but he wasn’t dead yet.



I apologized to them about having to come out to deal with my rejected suitor at such a late hour and appreciated their assistance, as my neighbors also leaned out their windows enjoying the spectacle and watching how things were playing out,



Then I called out to my erstwhile suitor and with two pennies in the envelope to weigh it down I tossed the note to him and said again quiet loudly “Never More!” closed the window, closed my drapes, turned off my bedroom lights and went to bed with a smile on my lips, a contented sigh and a slight chuckle emanating from my throat as I heard the police officers saying to him “Let it go Buddy, she told you to leave. Are we going have to march you down to the station?” as he was sputtering “She can’t do that to me! I have plans for us!” but I heard Mrs. Byrd, my other neighbor, call out to him, “Well Sonny she certainly didn’t have any plans for you!” and old Mr. Miller laughing and saying “Good for her!” as peace returned to our small apartment complex.



For weeks he sent me flowers, candy, and small gifts. I returned the gifts, as that was only right, I sent the flowers to my neighbors, to hospitals and convalescent homes and took the candy to work to share among my co-workers or gave them to my neighbors as peace offerings. Especially to Mrs. Miller, who laughed when she found out the reason for Mr. Miller’s verbally descriptive admiration for my form.



Several of my co-workers said they would be sorry when the candy would stop arriving.



He contacted my friends and family pleading his case, in the hopes that they would persuade me to “see reason” but I had told them why I refused to see him again, they understood my side of it and relayed the information back to him that I refused to be in touch with him ever again.



Eventually he sent me a letter saying I didn’t understand him and again saying he could make a good living for both of us that we’d be happy with. I made a copy of that letter that I cut into sections and with each of his arguments I had written rebuttals underneath for each section and told him that he did not understand or appreciate a strong independent woman who has her own goals and ideas in mind nor did he show any willingness to compromise or work in harmony.



A person like that, I told him, is only an Egotist, full of his own self-importance and over-inflated sense of entitlement which he did not deserve nor earn.



I saw him some 18 years later, he had grown fat, hair had thinned, his wife meek and mild, his children were selfish money grubbing teen age brats, and altogether neither of them happy, the shocked look on his face when we ran into each other was enough of a reward, as he remarked that I had not changed a bit, and I saw in his face a wish that he had not “blown his chances”.

There have been other men, and although nice enough, they had faults and still had that attitude that women were women to ‘wait’ on men. Although not to the degree that my erstwhile suitor had, and all were let down gently.

It’s been years my Darklings, I am my own woman, and Doyle is a perfect companion, he knows I need my space but I also enjoy his companionship, we see things the same, but in some areas we have differences, small but there to make things interesting. As the song goes “I’m a little bit country, he’s a little bit rock and roll.”

But I still prefer my heroines to be strong and take charge, not Bella’s weak willingness to become Edwards’ helpmate. Bella’s overriding passivity is in distinct contrast to other fairytales for teen girls that have been popular in recent decades—in which the heroine’s encounters with magic open up much wider fields of possibilities.

If I had read the “Twilight” series as a young girl I would have said “Yuck!” yes Darklings, “Yuck!” and I would have seen it for the fairy tale it really is, my Mother told me that fairy tales are just that, “fairy tales”, in real life there is no “happily ever after” but with the right person there can be a measure of happiness and contentment but to be prepared for life’s ups and downs.

She directed my interest to the Brother’s Grimm and their fairy tales told in all its grim reality. We’d read them and I’d ask her why did the step sisters do this or why did Blue Beard do that and she’d tell me why. For those fairy tales were tales of survival and code of conduct and how to be pro-active.

So my Darklings, sparkly vampires need not apply.

As a matter of fact the Brother’s Grimm stories were more to my Goth style and perceptions of society.

I mean what a delicious name----Grimm.

Later Darklings