Of "Funeral Preperations"????~~~~

I know Darklings,

What a very strange heading!  But its true----but not for someone who just died, but more for getting things taken care of without having the family have the headache.

How this discussion came about was because of my sister,  poor thing.  This morning she was just so miserable, blowing her nose, sniffling, coughing, even with the cold meds.   I got her pretty much settled in Sunday, a large paper bag next to her bed to catch the used tissue, the night stand with a tray to hold the cough medicine and cough drops, a carafe of water and a glass and a large cup so she can gargal.

I managed to get ahold of her clients and get them rescheduled,  I'm so glad my Sister set's her calendar well ahead, espeically for any other events or confrences she wants to attend.

But today it was a dash to the drug store to get more supplies for her cold,  and get more soup and saltines, at least she can drink camomile tea, even peppermint tea is soothing to her. 

She was a bit awake this afternoon before her misery forced her to sleep again, so I had her eat, and I went over the adjusted schedule with her, I did warn her clients that they may get another phone call to re-adjust their schedules again and apologized for the problems.  Fortunately they were very understanding.  No one, but no one wants to catch a cold, nasty miserable thing that it is.

But just as we finished going over her appointment calendar she made an interesting and yet strange remark to me "Sis, have you thought about making funeral arrangements?"   I said to her that she was not going to die and I certainly did not have any plans.

But she went on and what she was saying that at our age as Elder Goths, we should have in advance funds set aside for funeral expenses and a directive of how we would like our funeral to be carried out, what type of coffin, what cemetery, what type of tombstone, what location for the burial plot, what kind of funeral service, who to do the preperations, anything speical to be done, etc., etc., etc.

As she was saying this I thought to myself she is so right, of course no one wants to think upon the ending of one's life, but I am of the belief that although our physical shell ends, that essence or soul energy continues, even if science has a hard time proving it, there have been annedotal stories about spirit survival.  Which is another reason why I like ghost stories.

I said to her that what she suggested was a good idea but it would be best for us to consider these things when one is in a more healthy frame of mind and body and we could plan our funeral arrangements.

Planning a funeral----most people would prefer to plan for a wedding or a birthday party even a baby shower, but planning for a funeral?   Well Darklings that is really not so morbid, but something an Elder Goth should think about.

Alright you say, how am I going to go about this?  Well one way is to pay for Whole Life Insurance, Not term life but Whole Life--there is a difference.   Term life is only for the term of the insurance, you cannot cash it in nor can you borrow on it, most of them only go to age 75 and then end, now some can be renewed but at a higher rate.   Whole Life however goes on until you die, with some companies the monthly rate remains the same, you can borrow against it, you can cash it in and receive back the amount of money you paid into it as premiums,  some companies hardly require a health exam such as Colonial Penn, some do require a physical exam---It does depend upon the company and at what age you are getting the insurance and of course the amount.

On Life insurance policies check with the company on them and any restrictions. 

But with a whole life insurance policy you have to set aside money to go into that to pay for funeral expenses,  but you cannot miss a payment or you forfit.

Now there is another way of doing it as long as you are strong willed enough to not dip into the fund, and that is to set up a savings account and put into it the exact amount of money that you would if you were paying for a premium,  either way Darklings the cost of a funeral traditionally done is at least $7000 on up, not including the cost of the grave and burial costs---that is just for embalming and coffin.  

Yes Darklings just like Weddings, a Funeral can be expensive, but the whole idea is to go the way you want to go, even Elizabeth Taylor use to tease that she'd be late to her own funeral and it was planned that her hearse carrying her coffin was late to her own funeral, who says you can't have fun after death.

I mean with a really great wake you can put the "Fun" into Funerals  (oh I know bad pun)
Now Doyle has his planned a long time ago---take him from the hospital to the cematorium, reduce him to ash and bury him in the back yard,  I said we'll have him on the fireplace mantle in a box or a jar and dust him off every week.  After all I think there are some restrictions now adays about being buried in one's back yard, even if we do have a pet cemetery in the back of mine. Hmmmm maybe I could.  (thinking about it)

It's what we did with Grandpa, he was cremated, even if at the time the Catholic Church wasn't thrilled with the idea, although they have come around to that,  Yes Grandma just could not bring herself to bury him, so she didn't embalm him just had him cremated and put into a nice wooden box with his name and dates of birth and death on it.  He sat on Grandma's fireplace mantle for years, Sis and I dusted him every weekend with an apology, we even apologized if it "tickled" him or made him sneeze, and we polished his box with Lemon Pledge.  It looked just lovely all polished up, espeically when the sun came through the living room windows and shined on it,  on occasion we had to use a metal polish to polish the metal plate on it that had his name.

For Christmas we had one of those little fake trees, with tiny glass colored balls glued to it's branches and we'd put it next to his box, or an Easter Bunny, no matter what Grandpa was included in all the celebrations,  for birthdays we had a little birthday hat to put on the box.  Grandma just looked at what we children would do and simply nodded her head in approval,  Dad would just shake his head and say to Mom "They're your children"  but I think they liked the fact that we accepted Grandpa that way.

One of my Uncles and his pinched mouth wife (he married late in life--never did like the woman) always complained about us children being disrespectful, but Grandma would tell them in no uncertain terms that she approved of it.

Of my two other Uncles, one would just shake his head but Uncle Mannie would smile and say "I think Grandpa is enjoying himself"  and would sneak a tiny shot glass of wine next to Grandpa's box, Sis and I swore that the wine in the glass would slowly disappear as if someone was sipping out of it.  Our Oldest brother thought so as well.

We buriend Grandpa with Grandma when she died and included all the information on the tombstone, together forever we thought and so right, Mom insisted that their names be entwined within two hearts over lapping, they were that much in love,  we did the same with Mom and Dad too when it was their time.

Things in terms of funerals did take a dark turn when our oldest brother died, but that was under horrible and tragic circumstances, with Grandpa well he became ill and he did talk about dieing, and as sad as it was it was expected and we recovered from it.   But my brother's was a long time in recovering for the whole family.

Now my other Grandpa and Grandma they had the traditional Catholic funeral,  with all the pomp and circumstance of the funeral rituals (Pre-Vatican 2) and although sad I loved the ritual in the old style Gothic Church, the rosary, the blessing, the prayers, the incense, well call me old-fashion but that is exactly how I'm going to have mine,  and the coffin I want will be black with silver colored handles and fixtures. I want the Pomp and Circumstance,  I know exactly where I want to be buried, and I want my headstone to be black polished stone, and although expensive I want it to include my picture on it,  I have a picture taken of me when I was younger, and I looked Sexsay!  And have on the tombstone the words "I-Be-Back"  shake them up a bit, none of that "In God's Care" stuff, oh no, I'm coming back in a new body and livin' life to the hilt and doing it all over again.

That's the only way to go.

As a matter of fact Darklings did you know you can buy your own coffin ahead of time at Cost Co??  Who says they don't sell everything---Hmmm coffin, wine and food for the wake....I think I'll plan my funeral.

Later Darklings

Another Death Day~~~~

Well my Darklings,

I've just celebrated another "Death Day"----the "muggles" (I love that word) prefer to call it "Birthday" but I like to call it "Death Day".

Why? Because it's one more year closer to dying---whenever that will be.

The normal people don't realize is that with each so-called "Birthday" you really are celebrating having lived one more year---you've survived not getting killed by idiot drivers, stupidity, drugs, drink,disease, war, famine or any other means of dying.

So because you have survived another year of living from the day of your birth that is suppose to be reason to celebrate.

It wasn't until I had reached the 50th year of survival, when my brother, his wife, my sister brought out a cake done in chocolate with red raspberry filling and frosted with black frosting with a small grim reaper and a gravestone candle with the numbers 50 and the words "over the hill" and one small black candle lit.

Now did he sing "Happy Birthday" no they did the funeral durge by saying "Dum, dum, de dum, de de de de de di di dum" Frankly Darklings I loved the morbid, gallows humor, black napkins, black paper plates, red drinking glasses and red plastic cutlery.

I saved those cake toppings, plus one each of the napkin, plate drinking glass and cutlery and I put them into a shadow box made with a very old ornate picture frame, I added dried dark red roses to it from the bouquet that they gave me, and a picture of me on that day. It's my "Memento Mori" and each year I look at it when I celebrate my "Death Day".

When it will come I don't know, but I told my sister that my funeral should be an occasion of celebration, drinking,lots of food, music, dancing an old fashioned wake designed to "Wake the Dead".

I also find it ironic that my "death day" happens to be close to when the Earth is waking from it's "Winter Death" to come to life, bloom and grow. Which if one really thinks about it gives Easter it's real meaning.

Sorry if this sounds too Morbid my Darklings, but Death as Life shouldn't be.

Later my Darklings

Being Goth after the Holidays~~~

Well my little Darklings, I know I haven’t been blogging but work, blasted work makes demands upon me.

The Christmas holidays were just so upbeat, but for me who loves to indulge in the meanderings and gloomiest of Charles Dickens, I chose to indulge in the Annual San Francisco Dickens Fair, and for any Goth or steam punk enthusiast I certainly recommend it to help you get through the Holiday cheerfulness.

The Dickens Fair offers the perfect accessories and clothing for all but the Mod/Grunge or Baby Goth, Dark Garden offers corsets that are perfect for those who love to torture themselves into tiny waists. And with how they do their layouts of pretend Dickens London, one can get ideas how to create a wonderful Gothic Victorian setting.

Scanning through the stores and through magazines I discovered some wonderful Vampy Goth styles.

Merle Norman cosmetics has a lovely little clutch to hold your makeup or just for fun, in black velvet with a bejeweled lipstick and lips design on it and it offers their new Hussy red shade for lips and nails as well as a new fragrance Hussy Eau de Parfum. Just check it out to see if it’s still offered at merlenorman.com.

If you want to sleep during the day my vampire beauties, Prada offers a black satin eye mask for only $195 at prada.com. all soft Black Satin with a little satin ruffle around the edges. Frankly for the money if you have the talent to sew your own I would recommend that.

With the cold, cold weather for those of you who love being frozen like the dead this weather would be perfect for you, but for many pajamas are coming back in style both for sleeping and lounging in. Can you picture yourself my Darklings, in a pair of black satin pajamas with gold piping and a matching robe? Toss in a pair of black satin mules with gold, black or red marabou toppings for extravagant decadence.

And the hell with all those rules about smoking in one’s home, if you are going to do it do it with style with a long, elegant cigarette holder right out the 1920’s.

I had to have a pair of DKNY suede and leather booties in black suede and gold leather with impossibly high heels, not spiky but thick enough to support you heel and high enough to torture your calves.

In jewelry both real and costume for the holidays it was gold, Gold, GOLD! Metal bracelets, actually cuffs, are the in style, Ben-Amun, Delfina Deletriz and Fallon offered very edgy designs as well as Giamattista Valli’s gunmetal cuff.

Can you picture yourself Darklings in a long black skirt, or skin tight black pants with a long sleeve mock turtle sweater in black, all tight fitting and wearing only as an accent a gold metal cuff? What a statement. It would show-off your self assurance, that you totally take charge. What a way to indicate your dominance.

And for perfume or cologne my Darklings, indulge yourself with either J’adore and strut like Charlez Theron or go with Guilian’s Insolence.

There is one other thing that I indulged in my Darklings, although many of you would say wrong, wrong, wrong, but you have to remember I am my Own woman, and I do not take criticism from anyone----so what did I indulge in? A black mink coat…PERFECT for such cold, cold evening weather, mink is not an endangered species, as a matter of fact they prey upon the fishing industry and are considered a nuance, but with raised mink on “ranches” they are not endangered.

But not to worry….the coat was made in the 1970’s and in perfect vintage condition, Yes Darklings, a vintage mink coat, done in a long sleeve swing style, plus a vintage black fox fur jacket that comes to the top of my hips. I scored wonderfully there. But I would only use them in the evenings when it is extremely cold and even a wool coat can not keep out the chill, and especially where we had near freezing conditions where I live. I am not about to catch a cold! But if you are going to use a wool coat then top it with a black mink scarf for your throat, and if possible top it with a blank mink beret, can you picture that and wearing your eye mascara in a cat’s eye line with red, red lips and red, red nails? I certainly can.

Even Francisco Costa the designer for the Calvin Klein Collection believes in a fur coat and in the last issue of Allure magazine (Dec 2011) said that a knee length shearing coat is superpractical, and extends your wardrobe. But again make sure it comes from a non-endangered species.

Going back to nails--- (I can’t seem to get away from manicures and nails) If you love to do designs but don’t have the time for it, there are these “skins” that you can apply to your nail and then just file, I believe Sally Hanson makes them, I’ve seen some styles that are just edgy enough for a business Goth and they last for up to 10 days, not a bad investment especially if you have a serious shortage of time. Also for more dazzling glitz, a brand of nail skins called “Kiss” which you can find in, of all places, Walgreens, can be perfect when you want to club hop.

If there is one thing this Gothic Rose loves it’s Art Deco Antique Shows, and the Art Deco Society of San Francisco’s Deco the Halls was not at all bad, a bit smaller than previous years, (we can only blame the economy) but it was a wonderful experience for me, so that I can indulge in my art deco Gothness, get information on materials to update my home. Yes, Darklings, if I’m going to be Goth then Art Deco/Art Modern is the style for me.

Why do you think I’ve chosen the photo of Gloria Holden as Dracula’s Daughter, to represent me? She is perfect, her and the Tamara DeLapinka painting of the girl with the green racing car, I managed to get a quality poster of that painting and had it beautifully framed. The DeLapinka poster is in the room that I have my collection of books, DVD’s and Cd’s in that I call my “Bat-cave”.

Which will bring me to another subject in another post, I’ve had some people ask me how have I styled my home, well I got very, very lucky in the house that I have, and not to many of them in the Art Modern style were built where I live but it is very perfect for me, I had been saving up for a long time to put a very hefty down payment, but a “spinster” aunt of mine (great-aunt really) had died, I didn’t know how much she really liked me, I mean I was the only one of the extended family who would check in with her, take her shopping, she just adored my 1940’s Black Ford sedan, even take her to her doctor and dental appointments.

She was very sharp but I had noticed she was getting a bit more tired, so I got her one of those medic alert buttons, praying that she’d never have to use it but that day Darklings did come and I got the call, we rushed her to the hospital, a broken hip, one of the worst things that could happen to an elderly Goth---yes Darklings, she was in her own way Goth. Perhaps that is why we got along so well.

I visited her every day in the hospital and then in the convalescent home, we were planning on ways she could be independent, I was even thinking of moving in with her and subletting my apartment to one of my Goth friends on a month to month.

But Prince Serki, aka the Grim Reaper took her away from being old and in pain, I will have to tell you about her funeral another day Darklings.

I was fortunate to have her papers outlining her funeral arrangements and I also got in touch with her lawyer. How surprised I was to discover I was receiving the “bulk of her estate” which included her wonderful home, plus all it’s furnishings as well as a serious monetary income from investments. Oh, she left bequests to other family members but since I wasn’t on great speaking terms with them, their opinions didn’t matter to me.

Her 1925 Gothic revival home is more than large enough for me to put my things into rooms that were not being used, so I have expanded my style which comfortably blends my Art Modern things with hers. So I am using the money to restore the house bit by bit, updating wiring, plumbing, etc., and when the weather is nice getting it painted.

I also found out how quirky she was, her house is on the 600 block of my lovely community, but she specifically got the City planning department to change the house number to 666, it was 664 and then the one after it was 668, but she enjoyed being different, one thing I’m going to have done is have her portrait cleaned up, it is fantastic of her in her total glory, with her dark raven black hair and pale skin and sharply blue eyes. She was the beauty of her generation and I’d have to say of the family.

My Mother always admired her aunt, but she wasn’t ready to rebel like she did.

My family, mostly my Uncles (except Uncle Mannie)and my other great-aunts, always considered her to be the “black sheep” they were so traditional, but my Grandmother always loved her sister my 'great-aunt' and she always came to the rescue giving of herself, her money and her time without reservation, I have her diaries and she was a woman after my own heart.

She outlived my Grandmother and my Mother and Dad, she was very old when she died, but she LIVED!!

Until later Darklings.

My First Funeral Ritual~~~

I know Darklings, what a peculiar subject, but it's true.

I was almost 5 years old, my Grandfather was in his very late 70's this was early 1950's so almost anyone surviving that long was considered a miracle.

Grandpa had a stroke, he recovered partially from it, I was there when he had it, it was a very strong memory in my mind. Perhaps I'll talk about it another time.

But after a year Grandpa was going down hill, his heart was giving out, pneumonia finally was bringing about his end.

I remember that most of the women folk were in the kitchen, cooking food, making coffee, occasionally going into the bed room to see if Grandma or my Mother wanted anything. My Grandparents bedroom was off the dinning room, the men folk were in the garage which was a converted barn, talking about who would take care of grandma, and paying for the funeral, even about repairs.

I remember my two aunts carried trays of coffee, cream and sugar to the men.

It seemed to me that the business of dying is really women's work.

I had wandered into the living room because I was fascinated by the single candle that was burning there.

The front of the house living room, entrance hall, dinning room was dark no lights, the bedroom that my Grandpa was in was dimly lit, it was night.

But in the living room on a table right up next to the windows facing the street was a window high table, it had on it one single large candle, this candle was in a tall clear glass jar that had raised crosses on it, I have it to this vary day.

The candle was lit and the curtains and drapes were pulled back away from the window so that anyone passing by could see it from the street.

Being barely 5 years old I thought this was strange, it wasn't Halloween or Christmas or any Holiday religious or otherwise for a candle to be burning, I remember staring at it and then one of my aunts came and got me and took me into the kitchen where I had some ice cream, then she distracted me by playing a card game.

I wanted to go and see my Mother and grandmother but I was told they were busy with Grandpa, they didn't tell me he was dying, I remember my younger cousins were asleep in the other bedroom so I had no one to play with, but everyone was somber and very quiet, even I couldn't raise my voice. I thought Why? It wasn't Good Friday, which would have made perfect sense, but I did as I was told.

After a bit the door bell rang and my aunt picked me up and carried me to the entrance Hall, there I saw Mother open the door and she had a lit candle in one hand, a priest entered and Mother said something that I couldn't quiet hear, the priest blessed her and also made the sign of the cross in the entrance hall as if he was blessing the whole house.

Mother with the lit candle led the way into Grandpa's bed room with the priest right behind her, she then lit two candles that were opposite either side of a crucifix. Then my Aunt took me into the kitchen, I didn't know what was happening but later as I was older I realized that the Priest was doing the last rites or what they call the rites for the sick, Extreme Unction it is properly called.

Then after a bit I heard a cry come from my Grandpa's bedroom and Mother and the Priest brought Grandma into the kitchen she was crying, my aunts distracted made tea for her and the other went to get the men folk, but little me not know what had happened went into Grandpas' bedroom, he was lying on his back his hands on his chest he looked asleep, then I began to feel sleepy, I climbed upon the chair next to his bed and laid down next to him, he felt warm and like the scent of lavender, I knew he used lavender aftershave and I fell asleep.

When I woke the next day I was in my bed in my parents house, Mother and Dad were very serious that I thought I had done something wrong, but we went back to my Grandparents house and Grandma smiled and hugged me and said she loved me very much.

It was like there was nothing I could do wrong that day, Grandma and I went into the garden that I loved, we played with the baby chicks (she raised chickens in her yard), I teased the cat with string, and she tossed ball with me. It was like she was focusing all her thoughts on me. That night I stayed overnight with her and slept in her bed, but I saw that Grandpa wasn't there anymore I asked Grandma where he was and she said that he went with the priest to the Cemetery and he was going to stay there for a while.

I thought at that time a Cemetery was like a hospital knowing that Grandpa was ill, it wasn't until they took me to the funeral parlor that evening that I saw Grandpa in his coffin in his good blue suit. It was then I began to understand death, because more than once we had buried a pet gold fish and a pet canary, but this time it was to an adult.

The next day I had a lot of questions and Mother answered them as best as she could to a young child. I was very quiet that day, Dad had gone a bought a new coloring book for me and it was like it was O.K. for me to play with that, so I colored pictures all that day, then it was back to the funeral parlor, in my Sunday dress, hat and coat, that was my first Rosary, afterwards we went to Grandma's house and many people came by and were saying they would see us the next day.

That day it was in my other Sunday Dress, back to the funeral parlor, where we just sat and then went pass grandpa's coffin, then we waited outside, my Uncles on either side of Grandma who looked very sad, then we went to the Church were I heard my first funeral mass, all the incense, the blessing of the coffin, the black draperies, then back out to the cars, the men with black arm bands and white gloves, the cars being carefully lined up, lights on then the funeral stickers on the front windshield, then the slow drive to the cemetery, we were permitted to go through red lights, I looked out the car window and everyone was looking solemn, some even crossed themselves.

I thought was a strange parade that we were in. Then we entered the cemetery, such a beautiful, green and peaceful place, and all the cars moving so slowly, we stopped near a green area that had all these flowers next to an open grave, there we gathered, the priest said more prayers, the coffin bearers left their gloves on the coffin, and each of us put a flower on the coffin then we walked away.

I remember asking Mother why were we leaving Grandpa, and she said because he had come home here and this is where he needs to stay but we could come and visit any time we wanted. I remember turning my head and looking back at his coffin and the flowers and I saw a man standing next to the coffin looking at me and waived, I almost thought it was Grandpa, but even today I'm not sure.

Everyone gathered back and grandma's house, my aunts and mother making sure the food and drink was there, grandma wanted me sitting next to her on the couch, which was fine, I felt sleepy again, it had been a long morning and we were up early.

After that Grandma's dresses were darker, when her good wool beige coat wore out she stayed with her black ones. I rarely saw her in lighter colors after that day.

She was like Queen Victoria in perpetual mourning.

But after that I grew up fasinated with the funeral rituals, I always made sure I could go to one, unless I had to be in school that day. I slowly built up a collection of prayer and Momento Moi cards.

I didn't realize it but Grandpa's funeral was my first steps into the dark side.